I just have to start with this.... I LOVE MY DADDY! :)
For those of you who know me, you know that I don't really have a "dad". Yes, I grew up with a "step-dad" and yes I have a "real" dad whose DNA runs through my body, but I don't have a dad here that gives me advice, teaches me how to take care of things around the house, lets me rest my head on his shoulder, or even just go enjoy each others company. I've never had a dad to turn to after a broken heart or a bad day at school. The man whom raised me from when I was 2 years old ended up crossing some big, big lines and thus, I no longer call him my dad. I don't even talk to him. And my real dad left when I was about 1.5 and only within the last 6 years have I reconnected with him. You would think after all those years of not having your daughter in your life, (and claiming you tried looking for her) that he would want to work at building that relationship. But he doesn't. We talk very minimal and maybe on holidays but I don't hold my breath.
Growing up, I used to resent those of my friends who had great relationships with their dads. I would see them hug each other, smile at each other, play rough sometimes, and cuddle up and watch a movie. I've seen lots of dad's in protective mode when the boyfriend comes around or if some guy were to give his little girl the look over. I used to be so jealous of these friends and I think it may have even created a wall in my heart towards those friends.
But I've also had some really great men treat me like their daughter. I remember in high school, Papa Bear Babiash was just like a dad to me. He would give me advice, give the best hugs, challenge me to be a better person, ask me to come around on holidays, and celebrated good things with me. He was, at that time, the closest thing to having a dad, but I still knew in my heart he wasn't my dad. It was a struggle that I dealt with often. I think of Brent here in Tulsa, he has been a spiritual father to me. Since the day I moved to Tulsa and lived with his daughter, I've felt nothing but a fatherly love from him! He has challenged me more than any person ever has. He has seen my spiritual growth over the years and has helped shape that. He asks me the hard questions, (even when I don't want them asked), he prays for me, he celebrates with me, and encourages me. He's just a great guy! When I need "fatherly" advice on something, he's usually the first guy I call.
I think the summer I spent in Peru with him definitely brought our relationship to a deeper level as I learned a great deal from him. That summer was the first time I truly experienced Jesus. Brent saw me in my weakest of moments and loved me through it. He challenged me to keep my focus on the right things, on Jesus. He taught me what he could, and like any father, then challenged me to put it into practice. He wanted to fix things but knew I needed to do it on my own, it could only be fixed if my heart was right with Jesus. This love is the best love that any human can give. Unconditional love that points you to Christ. 3 years later, I'm still processing everything I learned that summer.
All this to say, I'm getting to my point. I've had people in my life who have treated me like a daughter, but none of them have ever filled the void in my heart. The enemy likes to place the lies deep in my heart that they are not my real father so they can't love me like one. I used to believe it. Until I started to understand one of the greatest lessons I would learn. GOD IS MY FATHER! He is my Daddy. HE created me. He formed everything about me. He knows my thoughts, my flaws, my quirks, my heart. He knows what makes me laugh, makes me smile, makes me cry. God knows how many times I've fell, all the bones I've broken, every scrapped knee. He knows every broken heart and every joyous moment. God knows every single hair on my body. God knows everything about me that a Dad should know and more. This past summer I learned, and continue to learn every day on a much deeper level how God looks at me as His daughter. I learned that it's okay to want to crawl into my Daddy's lap and just cry sometimes. I've learned and let my heart even call Him Daddy.....which I've never done before. I've learned that God celebrates when I do. I realized that God places things in my life to make me smile because that's what Dads' do. I've learned that He will never hurt me. He will never leave me. He will never abuse me. My Daddy will ALWAYS desire a relationship with me and pursue it. I've learned that I can trust my Daddy even when I don't know what's going to happen. I love my Daddy. :)
One last analogy. I nanny for this great family and I get the joy of spending lots of time with an awesome 10 month old. I see how his dad interacts with him. When he picks him up and throws him in the air, the boy giggles. Why? Because he knows that his daddy with catch him, so he's just going to enjoy the ride. When the dad holds his son's hands and helps him walk, the boy is all smiles. He doesn't know where he is being led, he's just happy to walk. He trusts that his dad will take care of him. This is sort of how I feel my current journey is. I don't know the outcome. I don't know what will happen in my life after March 29. I will be on a my way home from Latvia with some direction, I just don't know what that is yet. But I'm enjoying the ride. I'll enjoy the moments God gives me thrill like "being thrown in the air" because I know He'll catch me. And if I fall, He will always help me back up. I trust my Daddy has a plan and he will not lead my astray. I will let Him hold my hand and lead me. It's the most joyous journey when you have a Daddy walking by your side, encouraging you, loving you, and cheering you on. Yes, I'll say it again, I love my Daddy :)
My prayer is that you know how your Father is. Even Jesus himself didn't have an earthly father. (Yes, Joseph raised him but Jesus' Father lives in heaven) But Jesus knew whom He belonged to. God, the Father of all fathers! I pray you really believe this deep in your heart. Our Daddy is the King! You will never have to worry about your Daddy leaving you, hurting you, beating you, abusing you, forgetting you, not calling on your birthday or holidays. You will never have to worry about not feeling loved by your daddy because God does all these things! If you stop and look around, your Daddy in heaven gives you a gift everyday! He makes you feel special and loved every single day! May you know deep in your hearts what that feels like!
Merry Christmas!
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
I love my SCC family :)
Hmmmm. Where to even start. Today has been a great day! No, even better! :)
As I sit here listening to some dear Latvian friends lead worship, my heart is full. It is overflowing with love. There isn't really a lesson to this post. There isn't something I've learned. This post is purely about being thankful and praising God just because HE IS GOD!
This afternoon I left church completely full of joy. I spent the morning serving Jesus. I loved on kids and just enjoyed the community of fellow believers. I enjoyed the community of those who have become my family away from family. I am so incredibly blessed and humbled to be part of such an amazing church! South Community Church if you didn't know. I'm blessed for many reasons.
1. I've never felt so at home with a group of diverse people. Everyone has their own story. No one is perfect. No one seeks glory for him/herself. We realize that our lives are a mess, but together, with God, our mess creates something beautiful. :)
2. I've never been part of a church that is so giving. I would say almost a 1/3 or more of my t-shirt orders have come from SCC. And I have also had people whom I hardly even know, come up to me and offer to donate to my trip back to Latvia. Plus I've seen the ways that people have supported Joel and Tara in their adoption process and it just continues to blow me away! Not to mention the 205 turkey dinners we gave away. Now I know that the community had a help in this too but to think that we don't even have 200 families attending our church, yet supplying 205 families with a full Thanksgiving meal was a no brainer. Our goal was 100 and when we reached that goal and knew we still had 106 more families in need, the giving didn't stop. I am blown away by such a giving family we have at SCC.
3. I feel like this all goes back to one thing, Jesus. Our church is nothing if not for Jesus. I feel like every Sunday I get the privilege to worship, serve, and be filled next to great people who don't care if their name is heard. They only care about the name of Jesus. Now don't get me wrong. Our church is far from perfect, we are all human and humans are not perfect. But getting to see glimpses into the hearts of those I can call my church family, has blown me away. I couldn't ask for a better place to call my church home.
4....which leads me to my last point. While preparing to move, where ever that is God may be leading me and whenever. I have always said there really isn't anything holding me back. Why not go. Today, and for the last few months I've been shown a reason. South Community Church. These people I once considered strangers have become family. Some of them have seen me at my weakest moments, strongest moments, stupid moments, silly moments, intimate with the Lord moments, and have seen God grow in my heart. They are my family. I have been supported beyond anything I could have ever imagined. They see the passion God has given me and push me to keep my eyes on Him. They challenge me in areas that I need to grow in and constantly speak Truth into my life. When the day comes that I will have to say good-bye, I know I will not lose a family but it wont make it any easier. I'm so blessed to receive such a love that I feel every Sunday. Hallelujah!!! Praise God for He is good!
Not sure this came across that way it was intended but basically I love my church family! If you are in the Tulsa/Bixby area and are looking for a church home, check out South Community Church at 105th and Memorial at 10:30am on Sundays! Feel free to check out the website at www.scctulsa.com
I pray that you have a place to go to learn from God's word, praise the name of Jesus, and be real with a God who cares about you!
As I sit here listening to some dear Latvian friends lead worship, my heart is full. It is overflowing with love. There isn't really a lesson to this post. There isn't something I've learned. This post is purely about being thankful and praising God just because HE IS GOD!
This afternoon I left church completely full of joy. I spent the morning serving Jesus. I loved on kids and just enjoyed the community of fellow believers. I enjoyed the community of those who have become my family away from family. I am so incredibly blessed and humbled to be part of such an amazing church! South Community Church if you didn't know. I'm blessed for many reasons.
1. I've never felt so at home with a group of diverse people. Everyone has their own story. No one is perfect. No one seeks glory for him/herself. We realize that our lives are a mess, but together, with God, our mess creates something beautiful. :)
2. I've never been part of a church that is so giving. I would say almost a 1/3 or more of my t-shirt orders have come from SCC. And I have also had people whom I hardly even know, come up to me and offer to donate to my trip back to Latvia. Plus I've seen the ways that people have supported Joel and Tara in their adoption process and it just continues to blow me away! Not to mention the 205 turkey dinners we gave away. Now I know that the community had a help in this too but to think that we don't even have 200 families attending our church, yet supplying 205 families with a full Thanksgiving meal was a no brainer. Our goal was 100 and when we reached that goal and knew we still had 106 more families in need, the giving didn't stop. I am blown away by such a giving family we have at SCC.
3. I feel like this all goes back to one thing, Jesus. Our church is nothing if not for Jesus. I feel like every Sunday I get the privilege to worship, serve, and be filled next to great people who don't care if their name is heard. They only care about the name of Jesus. Now don't get me wrong. Our church is far from perfect, we are all human and humans are not perfect. But getting to see glimpses into the hearts of those I can call my church family, has blown me away. I couldn't ask for a better place to call my church home.
4....which leads me to my last point. While preparing to move, where ever that is God may be leading me and whenever. I have always said there really isn't anything holding me back. Why not go. Today, and for the last few months I've been shown a reason. South Community Church. These people I once considered strangers have become family. Some of them have seen me at my weakest moments, strongest moments, stupid moments, silly moments, intimate with the Lord moments, and have seen God grow in my heart. They are my family. I have been supported beyond anything I could have ever imagined. They see the passion God has given me and push me to keep my eyes on Him. They challenge me in areas that I need to grow in and constantly speak Truth into my life. When the day comes that I will have to say good-bye, I know I will not lose a family but it wont make it any easier. I'm so blessed to receive such a love that I feel every Sunday. Hallelujah!!! Praise God for He is good!
Not sure this came across that way it was intended but basically I love my church family! If you are in the Tulsa/Bixby area and are looking for a church home, check out South Community Church at 105th and Memorial at 10:30am on Sundays! Feel free to check out the website at www.scctulsa.com
I pray that you have a place to go to learn from God's word, praise the name of Jesus, and be real with a God who cares about you!
Saturday, November 19, 2011
If GRACE is an ocean we're all sinking..
I've been pondering this blog for some time now. I've wanted to write, just never had the right words to form the sentences. God has been taking me on a journey. (aren't we all on one?) during this journey God has spoken tenderly to my heart, whispered to my heart, and taught me many things. Some which I will share and some I think were meant just for me. Either way I am overwhelmed by Gods' grace!
In the last month or so I have failed at many things. I haven't always been the best employee, the best friend, or even the best daughter. I have said things that have hurt those I love, I have been selfish, and I have turned the other way when someone needed my love. I don't have it all figured out yet and I don't think I ever fully will, but even through my selfishness God still continues to bless me with His presence.
I've read lots of scripture, heard many a sermon and the underlying theme of it all, an undeserving grace! When God saved the Israleties and led them out of Egypt, they doubted Him yet He still saved them. Grace was displayed. When Jonah diliberately tried running from God, He sent a big fish to swallow Jonah and spoke to Jonah's heart and saved him. Grace. When the adulterous woman was thrown to the street to be stoned, Jesus stepped in and said, let He who be without sin cast the first stone...Grace. And when Judas betrayed Him, the Romans whipped Him, mocked Him, crowned Him, crucified Him, He gave up His very life for them. Grace. You see all around in scripture we see evidence of God's grace. His love. No matter what, our lives are covered in His grace! This has been a hard thought to believe. Even though I have done all these bad things, (okay you may not think they are so bad), my life is covered in His grace. Grace I don't deserve but He gives me anyway. Grace I don't understand but the more I learn about it, the more I see I don't deserve it. And the more I learn about it, the more I want to show others His grace! The more I want to show others His love. The more I learn of His grace and His love, the more I want others to see more of Jesus and less of me. I have nothing to offer people. I fail everyday. But Jesus has everything to give!
Let's go back to the story in John 8 where the woman is about to be stoned. I can't even imagine being a disciple watching this take place. There is the woman who is naked surrounded by all these men, each one holding a stone. Now I imagine they aren't just holding pebbles but rocks the size of baseballs or grapefruits even. They are about to throw the stone. Now I could imagine the thoughts in this woman's head. Was it worth it? Sleeping around with all these men, feeling dirty, worthless, used, empty. Was it worth it for this? To be humiliated in public and stoned to death? I bet she was thinking it wasn't worth it at all. Then let's watch what happens next. Jesus. :-) Jesus steps in and says, let he who is without sin be the first to cast a stone. I imagine at this point you could hear a pin drop. Then one man drops his baseball sized stone and walks away. Then one after another they all drop their stones and walk away until all that is left is Jesus and this woman. Now imagine her thoughts, she's humiliated, feeling shameful, dirty, and now she's in front of Jesus, alone. He bends done to her level, lifts up her face and says I don't condem you. Now go, turn away from your sin. I could not even imagine looking into His eyes and seeing all that grace and love in them. Wow. This account has hit me much deeper than every before. This woman did not "deserve" any thing good. She was an adulterous. Yet, Jesus loved her. Jesus had compassion and grace for her. I could put myself in this woman's place. I don't deserve His grace. But He gives it anyway.
Now I'm not sure that made sense or if you even got much out of it. But it's the best I can do at this point. The more I learn of God's grace, the less I want people to see me. I pray my life is not remembered by what alesha nutter did. I pray my life is remembered only by what Jesus did, the grace He has poured out, and the love He has to offer everyone! I pray you are overwhelmed by His presence today and be encouraged God loves you more than you can ever imagine!
In the last month or so I have failed at many things. I haven't always been the best employee, the best friend, or even the best daughter. I have said things that have hurt those I love, I have been selfish, and I have turned the other way when someone needed my love. I don't have it all figured out yet and I don't think I ever fully will, but even through my selfishness God still continues to bless me with His presence.
I've read lots of scripture, heard many a sermon and the underlying theme of it all, an undeserving grace! When God saved the Israleties and led them out of Egypt, they doubted Him yet He still saved them. Grace was displayed. When Jonah diliberately tried running from God, He sent a big fish to swallow Jonah and spoke to Jonah's heart and saved him. Grace. When the adulterous woman was thrown to the street to be stoned, Jesus stepped in and said, let He who be without sin cast the first stone...Grace. And when Judas betrayed Him, the Romans whipped Him, mocked Him, crowned Him, crucified Him, He gave up His very life for them. Grace. You see all around in scripture we see evidence of God's grace. His love. No matter what, our lives are covered in His grace! This has been a hard thought to believe. Even though I have done all these bad things, (okay you may not think they are so bad), my life is covered in His grace. Grace I don't deserve but He gives me anyway. Grace I don't understand but the more I learn about it, the more I see I don't deserve it. And the more I learn about it, the more I want to show others His grace! The more I want to show others His love. The more I learn of His grace and His love, the more I want others to see more of Jesus and less of me. I have nothing to offer people. I fail everyday. But Jesus has everything to give!
Let's go back to the story in John 8 where the woman is about to be stoned. I can't even imagine being a disciple watching this take place. There is the woman who is naked surrounded by all these men, each one holding a stone. Now I imagine they aren't just holding pebbles but rocks the size of baseballs or grapefruits even. They are about to throw the stone. Now I could imagine the thoughts in this woman's head. Was it worth it? Sleeping around with all these men, feeling dirty, worthless, used, empty. Was it worth it for this? To be humiliated in public and stoned to death? I bet she was thinking it wasn't worth it at all. Then let's watch what happens next. Jesus. :-) Jesus steps in and says, let he who is without sin be the first to cast a stone. I imagine at this point you could hear a pin drop. Then one man drops his baseball sized stone and walks away. Then one after another they all drop their stones and walk away until all that is left is Jesus and this woman. Now imagine her thoughts, she's humiliated, feeling shameful, dirty, and now she's in front of Jesus, alone. He bends done to her level, lifts up her face and says I don't condem you. Now go, turn away from your sin. I could not even imagine looking into His eyes and seeing all that grace and love in them. Wow. This account has hit me much deeper than every before. This woman did not "deserve" any thing good. She was an adulterous. Yet, Jesus loved her. Jesus had compassion and grace for her. I could put myself in this woman's place. I don't deserve His grace. But He gives it anyway.
Now I'm not sure that made sense or if you even got much out of it. But it's the best I can do at this point. The more I learn of God's grace, the less I want people to see me. I pray my life is not remembered by what alesha nutter did. I pray my life is remembered only by what Jesus did, the grace He has poured out, and the love He has to offer everyone! I pray you are overwhelmed by His presence today and be encouraged God loves you more than you can ever imagine!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
The Story of Noah-new insight :)
These past few weeks I have read a lot of scripture, heard a few messages, and had a few conversations, but all of them have had the same underlying theme-learning to Trust God during the storm. A few weeks ago my pastor did a message about the faith of Noah. Noah had heard from God to build an ark. Rain would come and God found favor on Noah and wanted to save him so he told him to build an ark. The people had not seen rain in years, they didn't live near water, so naturally every one thought Noah was crazy. But Noah stood true to what God had told him. Noah was confident that God would bring the rain and he and his family would be safe. Noah trusted God when all else seemed to be against him.
Another thing about this story that I learned from the message was the ark. My pastor had said something that stuck out to me. I couldn't get it out of my head. All day I thought about this sentence and had a "revelation". My pastor said, the ark was a big flotation device. It didn't have a motor, they weren't waterskiing on the back, the ark wasn't designed to take them to another place. The ark was designed to keep them afloat. They would either die in the ark or they would be protected and be safe. I have never really thought about that before. The ark was just a flotation device. Noah had to trust God would bring the rain, but he also had to trust God while on the ark. He had to learn to cling to God during the storm and trust that God would continue to protect and provide for them.
How many times in life do we see or feel ourselves in a "storm" and beg and plead with God to remove us from the storm? How many times do I feel like the waves are overtaking me and I cry out to my Father to not let me overtaken? But what I learned from this story of Noah this past month is that God doesn't always remove us from the storm. God will not always make the waters calm, God will not always calm the wind, BUT and this is a crucial BUT, GOD WILL NOT LEAVE US! HE WILL NEVER FORSAKE US! God could have just let Noah and his family die with all the rest, but He didn't. Noah had favor in the eyes of God and so God instructed him to build an ark, to build a flotation device to help wait out the storm.
This revelation I had shed a lot of light on the past few years of my life. I've learned that God has always been with me even when I doubted He even existed. I've learned that God has always been the one thing in life that has kept me afloat. God has been my life jacket when I didn't realize I was even wearing one. God has even kept me in the middle of "storms" in my life to learn to trust Him! I had to stay amidst these storms so that I would know that I can trust God, so that I would know that He is always on my side! I have learned some of the greatest lesson in life while riding out the storms with just a life jacket. But my friends, Jesus is the best life jacket one can have!
Since this revelation, I have walked around with a new sense of confidence of who I am, who I belong to, what I'm living for, and who is fighting for me! I walk with the peace that can only come from the One who is not of this world! Yes I still get knocked down by the waves, yes some people may think I'm crazy for wanting to move half way across the world, and yes, I am confident that I am walking with God, following His voice, and ready to fight the good fight. I am ready to be still when I need to be, and I'm ready for the next journey in life to unfold!
John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid"
Psalm 33:20-22 "We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, LORD, even as we put our hope in you."
Another thing about this story that I learned from the message was the ark. My pastor had said something that stuck out to me. I couldn't get it out of my head. All day I thought about this sentence and had a "revelation". My pastor said, the ark was a big flotation device. It didn't have a motor, they weren't waterskiing on the back, the ark wasn't designed to take them to another place. The ark was designed to keep them afloat. They would either die in the ark or they would be protected and be safe. I have never really thought about that before. The ark was just a flotation device. Noah had to trust God would bring the rain, but he also had to trust God while on the ark. He had to learn to cling to God during the storm and trust that God would continue to protect and provide for them.
How many times in life do we see or feel ourselves in a "storm" and beg and plead with God to remove us from the storm? How many times do I feel like the waves are overtaking me and I cry out to my Father to not let me overtaken? But what I learned from this story of Noah this past month is that God doesn't always remove us from the storm. God will not always make the waters calm, God will not always calm the wind, BUT and this is a crucial BUT, GOD WILL NOT LEAVE US! HE WILL NEVER FORSAKE US! God could have just let Noah and his family die with all the rest, but He didn't. Noah had favor in the eyes of God and so God instructed him to build an ark, to build a flotation device to help wait out the storm.
This revelation I had shed a lot of light on the past few years of my life. I've learned that God has always been with me even when I doubted He even existed. I've learned that God has always been the one thing in life that has kept me afloat. God has been my life jacket when I didn't realize I was even wearing one. God has even kept me in the middle of "storms" in my life to learn to trust Him! I had to stay amidst these storms so that I would know that I can trust God, so that I would know that He is always on my side! I have learned some of the greatest lesson in life while riding out the storms with just a life jacket. But my friends, Jesus is the best life jacket one can have!
Since this revelation, I have walked around with a new sense of confidence of who I am, who I belong to, what I'm living for, and who is fighting for me! I walk with the peace that can only come from the One who is not of this world! Yes I still get knocked down by the waves, yes some people may think I'm crazy for wanting to move half way across the world, and yes, I am confident that I am walking with God, following His voice, and ready to fight the good fight. I am ready to be still when I need to be, and I'm ready for the next journey in life to unfold!
John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid"
Psalm 33:20-22 "We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, LORD, even as we put our hope in you."
Friday, September 2, 2011
Who does your heart belong to?
I read someone's status on facebook this past week that God can heal a broken heart, but He has to have all the pieces. This really got me thinking, does God have all the pieces of my heart? Not that I'm suffering from a "broken heart" because of a relationship but in some sense don't we all have a broken heart from our past, from our sins? I have seen God do incredible healing in my heart over major insecurities I used to have. From worrying about everything, worrying about friendships and what people think, to past hurts, to past things I have done that were incredibly stupid and mean. But lately, God has revealed to me deeper parts in my heart that I need to turn over to Him. If I am to completely rely on Him and see Him as my ONE and ONLY source of joy, peace, comfort, love, etc-then I must give Him every area of my heart. I must surrender my heart over to Him fully and trust that He won't break it. I have to trust that He will take the broken pieces and make something even more beautiful out of it. I have to trust that with God, He can and WILL continue to redeem me from my past! Also, to be able to fulfill my calling in life that God has placed in my heart, that will only happen if I fully rely on Him. It will happen when He sits on the throne of my heart, alone. Not next to someone or something else. But Jesus must occupy the whole throne of my heart! So, I will continue to surrender to Him the areas of my heart that I still try to control. I want to be fully surrendered to Him and emptied of myself so that others may see His mighty power and believe He can work in their life! Jesus empty me and fill me up!
I know this was short and maybe even jumbled but it is what is on my heart. Hope you were able to make sense of it a little. I love my Savior, my Daddy, my Jesus. I hope you know Him. I pray that if you don't you open your heart to Him and receive His unending love! It truly will change your life!
I know this was short and maybe even jumbled but it is what is on my heart. Hope you were able to make sense of it a little. I love my Savior, my Daddy, my Jesus. I hope you know Him. I pray that if you don't you open your heart to Him and receive His unending love! It truly will change your life!
Sunday, August 28, 2011
What I learned in church this morning...
These are some things that God taught me this morning in church. My heart continues to be overwhelmed with the love God has for me, the love that God has for all of us. I will never fully understand but I do know this, I don't want to live another day doubting that I'm loved by God. I don't want to waste another minute not resting in His unending love. The scripture we covered this morning was John 15:9-17
1.We are called to abide in His love, His perfect love. That means we live, sleep, our daily lives are always in His love. We should never leave or feel we are without His love.
2. Jesus went from being a teacher to being a friend. He considers Himself a friend to His disciples not just their teacher. That intimate level of friendship is what God desires from us!
3. We NEVER have to doubt if we are loved by God. There have been times in my past-and even still today that I feel maybe this person doesn't like me, or maybe they don't really want to be friends, or maybe they are just being fake with me. But I NEVER have to do that with God. He chooses to love me! He chooses to just because He can!
4. 1 John 4:18 there is no fear in love! When we abide in God, when we walk with God and in His perfect love, we have nothing to fear. My future, here on this earth, yes some parts are unclear and yes at times it scares me that I will fail big time because I feel inadequate, but God's love is bigger than all that! God's love is greater than any fear! That encourages me so much!!
I know this is a short post but I just wanted to share what was on my heart! The more I seek God, the more I thirst for His love and His truth! I pray you all KNOW and EXPERIENCE the true love of a Savior, Redeemer, Creator, Father, the One true God!
1.We are called to abide in His love, His perfect love. That means we live, sleep, our daily lives are always in His love. We should never leave or feel we are without His love.
2. Jesus went from being a teacher to being a friend. He considers Himself a friend to His disciples not just their teacher. That intimate level of friendship is what God desires from us!
3. We NEVER have to doubt if we are loved by God. There have been times in my past-and even still today that I feel maybe this person doesn't like me, or maybe they don't really want to be friends, or maybe they are just being fake with me. But I NEVER have to do that with God. He chooses to love me! He chooses to just because He can!
4. 1 John 4:18 there is no fear in love! When we abide in God, when we walk with God and in His perfect love, we have nothing to fear. My future, here on this earth, yes some parts are unclear and yes at times it scares me that I will fail big time because I feel inadequate, but God's love is bigger than all that! God's love is greater than any fear! That encourages me so much!!
I know this is a short post but I just wanted to share what was on my heart! The more I seek God, the more I thirst for His love and His truth! I pray you all KNOW and EXPERIENCE the true love of a Savior, Redeemer, Creator, Father, the One true God!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Intimacy with God
Intimacy is a word that makes me uneasy. If you knew me at all, you would know that I have a hard time with that word. Intimacy. I've seen "intimacy" displayed in many faucets and most of which have been inappropriate. I, like many other people of the world, used to think intimacy is the connection between those in love, in a marriage, between a man and a woman. To take that even farther, intimacy is the actions involved in that "love". But like most things, I'm learning my views on this is way wrong. The past few months I've heard people say over and over again, God is desiring for a more "intimate" relationship with you. And my reaction is usually, in my head, are you crazy? How can God want to be "intimate" with me? How can He desire to act upon that love for me? Intimacy is not the right word to use. Intimacy in my mind=gross.
As I have asked God to soften my heart on this view, as others have tried to explain what that intimacy looks like, I'm starting to realize the Truth! I'll put these Truths into a list to help me better organize them. :)
1. God loves me, simply because He can! Simply because He wants to. He created me, and you, for the sole purpose of having a relationship with Him. Wow. I was CREATED to have a relationship with HIM! How awesome is that!? I get to live and breath and walk on this earth to be loved by the Creator, Elohim, and to love Him. That's pretty awesome!
2. Jesus died for me. Jesus died for you. Jesus died. But it didn't stop there, He rose from the grave so that we can feel His love! God raised Jesus from the DEAD so that we could be near to Him. So that we could WORSHIP Him! So that we would believe in Him! God didn't just send some man to die for us, He sent HIS one and only Son, Jesus. A perfect man to take our place, to take my place so that I could be connected to God for all eternity! He sent His Son so that I would be seen as worthy in the eyes of God. He raised Jesus from the dead so that I would believe that the same power lives in me! Wow. I am still blown away to know that someone humbled Himself for me when I was unworthy, died for me, and rose so that I may live forever in eternity!
3. Hosea. Yes, the book of Hosea says it all. When I was wrapped up in my sins, when I was living the party life, drinking all the time, making bad choices with guys, doing the stupid things I knew were wrong, God NEVER stopped pursuing me! As it states in Hosea 2:14 "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her." God pulled me out of the darkness I was living in, transplanted me to Oklahoma and spoke tenderly to me. He has never stopped whispering in my heart telling me how beautiful I am, calling me His beloved. Even in my own pride, selfishness, stupidity, lust, bad choices, He has never stopped pursuing me. He has never stopped wooing me. He longs for me to turn to Him and believe in my heart that He loves me with a deep, compassionate, pure love. He means no harm in my life and will use my hurts and my pains to glorify Him! Yes, just rest in that TRUTH! God NEVER stops pursuing you! He sees me as His bride, His beautiful beloved! I want to be intimate with my bridegroom!! I don't know about you, but that makes me just want to sit and let Him love me. It makes me want to sit at His feet and just be in His presence! What a glorious feeling!!!
4. This last one I know I've talked about before but here is a different side. Friendships. This is the tangible application of what God is teaching me about intimacy. Intimacy is not just between a man and a woman. Intimacy comes from the sharing of your hearts. Intimacy comes from acting on the love that is only of God. Intimacy is among the best of friends. Through the last few years I have been undergoing this lesson and have not realized it until now. I have seen how God has taken friendships and what I used to think were the best friendships and has given me some greater ones. And you know what makes them different? Intimacy. There have been a handful of friendships over the past years that have required intimacy to allow them to grow deeper. There have been friendships that have challenged me to be deeper with the Lord. There have been friendships that have seen me at my worst and my best. There have been a few people who have seen places in my heart most have not. Intimacy has been the difference. Intimacy in Jesus' love has been the difference. To recount the instant connection with my dear sister Linda, this friendship is an example of the intimacy I believe God desires from me. Very quickly we moved from surface level stuff to the depths of our hearts. We barely knew the little things about each other, but we knew the thoughts of our hearts. Yes, I am sure there are things we don't know about each other, but that connection, that love that only comes from God, I have never felt anything quite like that before. The instant connection that calls you to intimacy with the Lord, this is a new feeling for me. It makes me thirst for more of Christ, it makes me hunger for more of His Truth and His love. My friendship with Linda has opened my eyes and my heart to a whole new level of Gods' love! 1 John 4:11-12 says this "Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." You see, I saw God's love for me through Linda. She loved me without even really knowing me. She displayed the unconditional love that is only of God. From her love for me, our team, her heart for the Lord, her joy, her peace, I got the privilege to walk with Jesus this summer. Each moment I was around her, I felt that Jesus was next to me and He was asking for me to receive His love. I fought it a lot, even felt very selfish at times. (ask my leaders..) But God was trying to show His love for me through Linda and it was so overwhelming with goodness and grace I had a hard time receiving it. I didn't fully understand and still don't, but I have a better picture now of just how deep God's love for me really is! And my heart is overwhelmed! :)
I pray that you feel God pursuing you! I pray that if you think you have done too many wrongs for God to love you, if you feel unworthy to be loved by an almighty Creator, that you remember Hosea and how God pursued Israel even when the worshipped idols. Remember how God sent His Son to die for you and for me. I pray that in times of hurt and sorrow, you feel God's arms wrapped around you and you feel His love. His love is what gives us strength to face the rough days and the good days. His love is worthy living for! His love is what gives us Life!
As I have asked God to soften my heart on this view, as others have tried to explain what that intimacy looks like, I'm starting to realize the Truth! I'll put these Truths into a list to help me better organize them. :)
1. God loves me, simply because He can! Simply because He wants to. He created me, and you, for the sole purpose of having a relationship with Him. Wow. I was CREATED to have a relationship with HIM! How awesome is that!? I get to live and breath and walk on this earth to be loved by the Creator, Elohim, and to love Him. That's pretty awesome!
2. Jesus died for me. Jesus died for you. Jesus died. But it didn't stop there, He rose from the grave so that we can feel His love! God raised Jesus from the DEAD so that we could be near to Him. So that we could WORSHIP Him! So that we would believe in Him! God didn't just send some man to die for us, He sent HIS one and only Son, Jesus. A perfect man to take our place, to take my place so that I could be connected to God for all eternity! He sent His Son so that I would be seen as worthy in the eyes of God. He raised Jesus from the dead so that I would believe that the same power lives in me! Wow. I am still blown away to know that someone humbled Himself for me when I was unworthy, died for me, and rose so that I may live forever in eternity!
3. Hosea. Yes, the book of Hosea says it all. When I was wrapped up in my sins, when I was living the party life, drinking all the time, making bad choices with guys, doing the stupid things I knew were wrong, God NEVER stopped pursuing me! As it states in Hosea 2:14 "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her." God pulled me out of the darkness I was living in, transplanted me to Oklahoma and spoke tenderly to me. He has never stopped whispering in my heart telling me how beautiful I am, calling me His beloved. Even in my own pride, selfishness, stupidity, lust, bad choices, He has never stopped pursuing me. He has never stopped wooing me. He longs for me to turn to Him and believe in my heart that He loves me with a deep, compassionate, pure love. He means no harm in my life and will use my hurts and my pains to glorify Him! Yes, just rest in that TRUTH! God NEVER stops pursuing you! He sees me as His bride, His beautiful beloved! I want to be intimate with my bridegroom!! I don't know about you, but that makes me just want to sit and let Him love me. It makes me want to sit at His feet and just be in His presence! What a glorious feeling!!!
4. This last one I know I've talked about before but here is a different side. Friendships. This is the tangible application of what God is teaching me about intimacy. Intimacy is not just between a man and a woman. Intimacy comes from the sharing of your hearts. Intimacy comes from acting on the love that is only of God. Intimacy is among the best of friends. Through the last few years I have been undergoing this lesson and have not realized it until now. I have seen how God has taken friendships and what I used to think were the best friendships and has given me some greater ones. And you know what makes them different? Intimacy. There have been a handful of friendships over the past years that have required intimacy to allow them to grow deeper. There have been friendships that have challenged me to be deeper with the Lord. There have been friendships that have seen me at my worst and my best. There have been a few people who have seen places in my heart most have not. Intimacy has been the difference. Intimacy in Jesus' love has been the difference. To recount the instant connection with my dear sister Linda, this friendship is an example of the intimacy I believe God desires from me. Very quickly we moved from surface level stuff to the depths of our hearts. We barely knew the little things about each other, but we knew the thoughts of our hearts. Yes, I am sure there are things we don't know about each other, but that connection, that love that only comes from God, I have never felt anything quite like that before. The instant connection that calls you to intimacy with the Lord, this is a new feeling for me. It makes me thirst for more of Christ, it makes me hunger for more of His Truth and His love. My friendship with Linda has opened my eyes and my heart to a whole new level of Gods' love! 1 John 4:11-12 says this "Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." You see, I saw God's love for me through Linda. She loved me without even really knowing me. She displayed the unconditional love that is only of God. From her love for me, our team, her heart for the Lord, her joy, her peace, I got the privilege to walk with Jesus this summer. Each moment I was around her, I felt that Jesus was next to me and He was asking for me to receive His love. I fought it a lot, even felt very selfish at times. (ask my leaders..) But God was trying to show His love for me through Linda and it was so overwhelming with goodness and grace I had a hard time receiving it. I didn't fully understand and still don't, but I have a better picture now of just how deep God's love for me really is! And my heart is overwhelmed! :)
I pray that you feel God pursuing you! I pray that if you think you have done too many wrongs for God to love you, if you feel unworthy to be loved by an almighty Creator, that you remember Hosea and how God pursued Israel even when the worshipped idols. Remember how God sent His Son to die for you and for me. I pray that in times of hurt and sorrow, you feel God's arms wrapped around you and you feel His love. His love is what gives us strength to face the rough days and the good days. His love is worthy living for! His love is what gives us Life!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
More on Love
Since being home, I've had more time than I need to process through lots of thoughts. The main thought I've thought about is Love. What is love really? Many people throw this word around so much that I feel it loses its value. Many times people say "I love you" and they just met the person. Do they really love you then? I remember this one moment a few years ago before I really started living my life for Jesus and one of my friends told me she loved me. Now this was after one of our first nights really getting to hang out and it honestly caught me off guard. What, how does she know she loves me? I was so confused. I even questioned that she even meant it. But I would soon find out and I am continuing to learn, she meant it! She meant it on a much deeper level than my heart could comprehend in that moment. You see the Truth is that God IS love. It is God in us that allows us to love. Outside of God there is no love. There simply can't be love without the presence of God in our hearts. We cannot fathom what love even is, without Jesus being the very center! In 1 John 3:16 it says this, "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters." In order for us to love, we must lay ourselves down just as Christ did for us. I've seen this played out numerous times in my life. I believe this means more than just physically giving up our last breath for someone, but dying to ourselves daily. We must die to our flesh and our desires to put others above ourselves. This summer I learned a lot about love. I learned a lot about this selfless love that Christ calls us to act upon. One example of such love happened to be when I was sick. It was in our last city and I happen to catch a stomach bug and one dear friend "laid down" her desire to want to sleep to pray over me. We slept in the same bed and the whole night she kept her hand on my back. Every time I moved, she would start praying for me again. It didn't matter that she wouldn't get a full night of sleep, but she wanted to do what she could to make sure I did not get sick again in the night. That was nothing of her, but ALL of Christ. Another example this summer was by my leaders. Yes I know this may seem small, but to me it was huge! The last day is usually when the team gets a shopping day. On most other trips the MOMs and POPs took their small groups out in groups and the leaders were together. But..my leaders blessed me tremendously by allowing me to spend those 3 hours with Linda, (one of our translators who has become closer than a sister to me) and just let the 2 of us hang out! Now I know they wanted to spend time with us leadership, but they "laid down" their desire to love me and Linda through even the smallest thing. I have countless stories about people in my life who have "laid down" their desires, their wants, their needs, to love me. I have never understood but my heart is starting to believe that I am worthy of this love. That Christ thinks of me as His beloved! My heart is grasping onto the simple but oh so deep love of my Savior! Probably the biggest lesson I learned this summer and I am continuing to process, is God's love for me, but more importantly, God's love for HIS CREATION! He longs and desires for each and every person to know Him. And not just to know His name, but to know Him intimately! To have a relationship with Him and allow Him to change your life! My prayer is that you would seek Him. I pray that you would find out for yourself the power that Christ offers to change your life! I pray that you would ask questions, be bold with Jesus, and allow yourself to open your heart to Him! Once you do, I promise you this, your life will NEVER be the same again! To be romanced by Jesus and in a life long dance for your heart, is the greatest dance you will ever take part in! :)
Think about it. Let it sink in. Someone loves you so much He humbled Himself by coming to earth, taking on human flesh, offering up His life as a sacrifice, and rose again so that you may have never ending joy and eternal life!
Think about it. Let it sink in. Someone loves you so much He humbled Himself by coming to earth, taking on human flesh, offering up His life as a sacrifice, and rose again so that you may have never ending joy and eternal life!
Monday, August 1, 2011
Love, Life, and Joy Part 3
Now for the last of the 3 biggest things I brought home in my heart. This last one is hard to put into words for the mere fact it is all in the heart. To describe a friendship so full of Christ is a difficult task but for those of you who want to know, I will try my best.
It all comes back to this beautiful woman, Linda. (I may have briefly mentioned her in part 2) We met Linda in our second city, our first full week, Kuldiga. She was a part of the Latvian team and would be one of our translators. While most of our students were building relationships with the translators since they walked with them all day, I was still adjusting to being in country and working through some issues. I unfortunately didn't talk to our translators a ton. One afternoon while we were walking the streets of Kuldiga, the ministry team I was with ran into a few of our translators on the street. (there were like 15 translators) We exchanged hugs, thankful to see a familiar face, and as we were saying goodbye I knew I had to say something to Linda but no words came to my mind. I barely even knew her, but I knew Jesus loved her so quick thinker that I am, I said , Hey, Jesus loves you. :) Ha, I did not know this would be the basis for our friendship. I did not know, nor could I have told you that we would become sisters after that moment.
From then on, every time I saw Linda I would say, Jesus loves you. Of course the more we talked, the more we found out about each other and the more we had to talk about. As our week was nearing the end, I was starting to become sad that I would have to leave my new sweet friend. I was sad that I wouldn't get to hear her worship anymore, (she has the voice of an angel!). I loved worshipping with her and listening to her. I was sad that it was to come to an end so quickly.
We would soon find out that God had other plans! :) On one of our talks, we got to talking about where we were going after we left Kuldiga and I listed off the ones I could remember. She asked if we were going to Ventspils and I had said that it sounded familiar but wasn't sure. Sure enough, we were going there in a week and to my surprise so was Linda. You see her mom lives in Ventspils and she was going to visit her mom the same time we were going to be there and for the whole week as well. Of course this made me excited to see her again but our friendship was in the beginning stages and I wasn't expecting much. But there was something different about her. I just couldn't wait to see her again and hug her and tell her, Jesus loves you!
The night we arrived in Ventspils she met us at the church service and it was a sweet reunion of friendship. Because we had so many translators in Ventspils as well, it allowed more time for Linda and I to talk and get to know one another. The night that drew us the closest was when the Kristine story happened. (Part 2 if you didn't read it) You see I needed a translator to tell Kristine my story and Linda was the one God had laid on my heart. So I asked her to be there for it and when you talk about such deep things on your heart, when you talk about the things of God and how He changed your life, you'd be a fool if that didn't bring you deeper in love to one another and closer together as friends. The next few days we both opened up about our pasts, we both talked about God's great glory in our lives and we fit probably 2 years worth of getting to know someone in 2 days. God was moving in our hearts that He drew us closer than friends, He bound our hearts as sisters! Thankfully when we left Ventspils, Linda had a few free days so she traveled to Liepaja with us for a few days. This only drew us closer as you can imagine. We talked for hours on the bus, we roomed together with Whitney, and we prayed together numerous times. She even took care of me when I got sick and prayed over me all night so I could get some rest. As the time came near that I knew she would have to leave to go back to Riga I could feel my heart beginning to break. I realized the depth of our friendship. Yes it was a very simple love for one another, but it was deeper than anything I've experienced in 3 weeks. My heart broke knowing I'd have to say goodbye to one of the best gifts I've received from God. But I had joy in my heart that I would see her again in a few days since she lived in Riga! (the city we would fly out of).
My leaders blessed me with an incredible afternoon in Riga. While the students went shopping, they informed Linda and I that we could hang out and spend that time one on one. For 3 hours we walked around Riga, ate pica (pizza), got smoothies, ice cream, and took pictures. We got to just be friends for a few hours and talk about what was next for our lives. We got the chance to not focus all of our attention on 13 students and just got to be silly, goofy, serious, whatever we felt like doing. When you experience a friendship like this you know the Lord is all over it. You know God has something great planned when He gives you such a sweet blessing. Yes the following day was EXTREMELY hard to say goodbye. I barely slept all night because I knew I would have to say goodbye, if not for good, then for a long while. How could I say goodbye to yet another friend who meant so much to my heart?
Now all that to say, I will share a few things that I learned from this friendship. 1. Linda had a pure joy for the Lord. Her presence exudes the presence of Jesus. The joy that is in her heart, the joy that is in her smile, the joy behind her laugh, is all of Jesus. Even when things are tough, she had pure joy that can only come from the Lord. She truly did rejoice always! 2. When we least expect it, in the most unexpected places, God can give us the greatest blessings. I had no idea I would meet such an incredible friend this summer! I had no idea I would have found my sister in Latvia. I didn't expect to receive the blessing and gift that God gave me this summer. Yet, I continue to thank Him for the unexpected blessing. 3. When God is in control, when He is the source, that is all that matters. If I had my way, if I was in control, I would not have let Linda see so much of my heart. After having to say goodbye to such a dear friend last summer, I had my heart closed off to others. (even more than I realized). But God was in complete control. I surrendered my heart to Him this summer to use as He will. And He sure did. The most interesting part of this whole story, the friendship of Linda and I, was God's hand in it all. When we left the United States, we were under the impression Kuldiga was our last city. However, when we arrived in country, Kuldiga was in our first week. Imagine that. Then the rest of the order was moved around as well. What are the odds that we would be going to Ventspils the same exact time as Linda? And that she would have a few free days to travel to Liepaja with us? When God is in control and you surrender to His will, He has greater things planned! 4. The last part tag teams off the previous one. When God is apart of something, nothing can tear it apart. This realization helped me with my friend who is serving overseas. This past year I focused my energy on her not being around anymore. I focused my frustrations on having to yet again say goodbye to someone. But meeting Linda and seeing God's hand all over that friendship, reminded me of my friend K. The same is true with her. God brought us together, God grew us together as friends, and even miles apart He can continue to grow us together. When He is the focus of your heart, not anyone or anything else, HE is all that matters! I realized with Linda and K that I would rather have the best and deepest friendships be of God and miles apart, than have lots of shallow friends right next door. I believe God has great things planned for my friendships with both of these sweet and dear friends. My heart believes there is more than just goodbye even if I never get to hug either of them again.
I know this was probably a big confusing mess, but like I said, it is hard to put into words what my friendship with Linda was like. It was so simple, it started off with saying, Jesus loves you. But just like God's love for us, just because it is simple, doesn't mean it doesn't run deep. Linda has a special place in my heart and she always will. She continues to encourage me to rejoice always, love Jesus with all that I am, and pray for greater things! She made Colossians 2:2-3 come alive for me this summer!
My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. Colossians 2:2-3
It all comes back to this beautiful woman, Linda. (I may have briefly mentioned her in part 2) We met Linda in our second city, our first full week, Kuldiga. She was a part of the Latvian team and would be one of our translators. While most of our students were building relationships with the translators since they walked with them all day, I was still adjusting to being in country and working through some issues. I unfortunately didn't talk to our translators a ton. One afternoon while we were walking the streets of Kuldiga, the ministry team I was with ran into a few of our translators on the street. (there were like 15 translators) We exchanged hugs, thankful to see a familiar face, and as we were saying goodbye I knew I had to say something to Linda but no words came to my mind. I barely even knew her, but I knew Jesus loved her so quick thinker that I am, I said , Hey, Jesus loves you. :) Ha, I did not know this would be the basis for our friendship. I did not know, nor could I have told you that we would become sisters after that moment.
From then on, every time I saw Linda I would say, Jesus loves you. Of course the more we talked, the more we found out about each other and the more we had to talk about. As our week was nearing the end, I was starting to become sad that I would have to leave my new sweet friend. I was sad that I wouldn't get to hear her worship anymore, (she has the voice of an angel!). I loved worshipping with her and listening to her. I was sad that it was to come to an end so quickly.
We would soon find out that God had other plans! :) On one of our talks, we got to talking about where we were going after we left Kuldiga and I listed off the ones I could remember. She asked if we were going to Ventspils and I had said that it sounded familiar but wasn't sure. Sure enough, we were going there in a week and to my surprise so was Linda. You see her mom lives in Ventspils and she was going to visit her mom the same time we were going to be there and for the whole week as well. Of course this made me excited to see her again but our friendship was in the beginning stages and I wasn't expecting much. But there was something different about her. I just couldn't wait to see her again and hug her and tell her, Jesus loves you!
The night we arrived in Ventspils she met us at the church service and it was a sweet reunion of friendship. Because we had so many translators in Ventspils as well, it allowed more time for Linda and I to talk and get to know one another. The night that drew us the closest was when the Kristine story happened. (Part 2 if you didn't read it) You see I needed a translator to tell Kristine my story and Linda was the one God had laid on my heart. So I asked her to be there for it and when you talk about such deep things on your heart, when you talk about the things of God and how He changed your life, you'd be a fool if that didn't bring you deeper in love to one another and closer together as friends. The next few days we both opened up about our pasts, we both talked about God's great glory in our lives and we fit probably 2 years worth of getting to know someone in 2 days. God was moving in our hearts that He drew us closer than friends, He bound our hearts as sisters! Thankfully when we left Ventspils, Linda had a few free days so she traveled to Liepaja with us for a few days. This only drew us closer as you can imagine. We talked for hours on the bus, we roomed together with Whitney, and we prayed together numerous times. She even took care of me when I got sick and prayed over me all night so I could get some rest. As the time came near that I knew she would have to leave to go back to Riga I could feel my heart beginning to break. I realized the depth of our friendship. Yes it was a very simple love for one another, but it was deeper than anything I've experienced in 3 weeks. My heart broke knowing I'd have to say goodbye to one of the best gifts I've received from God. But I had joy in my heart that I would see her again in a few days since she lived in Riga! (the city we would fly out of).
My leaders blessed me with an incredible afternoon in Riga. While the students went shopping, they informed Linda and I that we could hang out and spend that time one on one. For 3 hours we walked around Riga, ate pica (pizza), got smoothies, ice cream, and took pictures. We got to just be friends for a few hours and talk about what was next for our lives. We got the chance to not focus all of our attention on 13 students and just got to be silly, goofy, serious, whatever we felt like doing. When you experience a friendship like this you know the Lord is all over it. You know God has something great planned when He gives you such a sweet blessing. Yes the following day was EXTREMELY hard to say goodbye. I barely slept all night because I knew I would have to say goodbye, if not for good, then for a long while. How could I say goodbye to yet another friend who meant so much to my heart?
Now all that to say, I will share a few things that I learned from this friendship. 1. Linda had a pure joy for the Lord. Her presence exudes the presence of Jesus. The joy that is in her heart, the joy that is in her smile, the joy behind her laugh, is all of Jesus. Even when things are tough, she had pure joy that can only come from the Lord. She truly did rejoice always! 2. When we least expect it, in the most unexpected places, God can give us the greatest blessings. I had no idea I would meet such an incredible friend this summer! I had no idea I would have found my sister in Latvia. I didn't expect to receive the blessing and gift that God gave me this summer. Yet, I continue to thank Him for the unexpected blessing. 3. When God is in control, when He is the source, that is all that matters. If I had my way, if I was in control, I would not have let Linda see so much of my heart. After having to say goodbye to such a dear friend last summer, I had my heart closed off to others. (even more than I realized). But God was in complete control. I surrendered my heart to Him this summer to use as He will. And He sure did. The most interesting part of this whole story, the friendship of Linda and I, was God's hand in it all. When we left the United States, we were under the impression Kuldiga was our last city. However, when we arrived in country, Kuldiga was in our first week. Imagine that. Then the rest of the order was moved around as well. What are the odds that we would be going to Ventspils the same exact time as Linda? And that she would have a few free days to travel to Liepaja with us? When God is in control and you surrender to His will, He has greater things planned! 4. The last part tag teams off the previous one. When God is apart of something, nothing can tear it apart. This realization helped me with my friend who is serving overseas. This past year I focused my energy on her not being around anymore. I focused my frustrations on having to yet again say goodbye to someone. But meeting Linda and seeing God's hand all over that friendship, reminded me of my friend K. The same is true with her. God brought us together, God grew us together as friends, and even miles apart He can continue to grow us together. When He is the focus of your heart, not anyone or anything else, HE is all that matters! I realized with Linda and K that I would rather have the best and deepest friendships be of God and miles apart, than have lots of shallow friends right next door. I believe God has great things planned for my friendships with both of these sweet and dear friends. My heart believes there is more than just goodbye even if I never get to hug either of them again.
I know this was probably a big confusing mess, but like I said, it is hard to put into words what my friendship with Linda was like. It was so simple, it started off with saying, Jesus loves you. But just like God's love for us, just because it is simple, doesn't mean it doesn't run deep. Linda has a special place in my heart and she always will. She continues to encourage me to rejoice always, love Jesus with all that I am, and pray for greater things! She made Colossians 2:2-3 come alive for me this summer!
My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. Colossians 2:2-3
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Love, Life, and Joy Part 2
After having a blessed night celebrating a friends birthday, I am ready to share part 2. :)
The second story I have to share with you is about life. The life and redemption that only Jesus can give us. As a leader, most times you don't get the privilege of sharing your testimony with the locals. As TDs (Team Directors) our ministry is to the students. We spend our time with Jesus first, then us as partners, then to the students. This trip, Jesus orchestrated one of the most beautiful encounters I have had the honor to partake in. It was all of God and nothing of me. There was a particular girl who had come to watch our students perform the drama. While one of our students was giving his testimony she was brought to tears. His testimony demonstrated how God had allowed him to feel love, be loved, and love. As a young baby his parents left him and his sister to be alone. A loving American family adopted them and it took him years to truly feel love. It took the Love of Christ to break down the walls around his heart to love as Christ has called him to love. This young girl, Kristine-16, has a similar story. Her story is similar in the fact that she doesn't have a family that knows how to portray love. Her mother hardly ever tells her that she loves her daughter and Kristine's father is not around. Most nights Kristine comes home to her mother being gone (her mother sleeps with different guys every night) or being locked out of the house. When she is home, Kristine has to share a bedroom with her 2 brothers. At night, one of her brothers has molested her in the past. To take away the pain in her heart she has learned to cut herself. She desperately longs for the love of a family, to feel apart of a family. She wants to experience life the way God created it.
All that to say, she talked to this young man after we performed the drama. They talked until he had to leave for the night but he made sure to invite her to church the next morning. Even though we weren't really sure what she would do, she showed up in church the next morning eager to learn more about this Jesus we so affectionately talked about. After church she went to the beach with us, (it was a free day for our team) and started to talk to 2 of our leaders. She got into more detail about her story and they knew she needed to spend more time with our team. She needed to see what being apart of the family, the body of Christ really was like. We were having a celebratory cookout with our Ventspils friends and family and our leaders invited her to come with us. Before we left, we all met back at the church to gather up the things we needed and headed to the cookout. As our team was walking out the door, one of my leaders (K) pulled me aside and asked if I would share my testimony with her. We have been through some similar things and it would be great for her to see the redeeming love of our Father through what He has done in my heart. (Now mind you, for the 2 days leading up to this moment, I felt God was preparing my heart to share my testimony. I just didn't know with whom it would be but I knew he was preparing me to share some deep stuff in my heart. So when K had asked me to share, it was like God was saying, now is the time to share what great things I've done. It was a no brainer, of course the answer was yes! :) )
Now, one of our translators had a car and was driving and asked if someone could go with her, so K had said, "Sure, take Alesha and Kristine with you and we will meet you all there." The rest of the team had to walk for like 30 minutes so this wonderful translator took the this opportunity to show me a couple places in the city. This was perfect because it allowed for Kristine and I to have a conversation and get to know each other. We had fun just being silly and started off our friendship very non-threatening. Then I asked her some more threatening questions. The conversation went something like this...obviously through a translator.
Me: "Are you a Christian?"
Kristine: "Well, yea I guess."
M: "Do you have a relationship with Jesus?"
K: "No."
M: "Why not?"
K: "I don't know. I guess I don't really know what that means."
Then I took the time to explain to her about Jesus being like our best friend. We can always talk to Him, lean on Him, trust Him with our deepest secrets. I honestly don't remember everything that was said but I did also mention that when we are with Jesus, we all become family. That we are all brothers and sisters and that is the greatest family to be a part of. The last sentence is what stuck in her heart I think. I then asked if she would allow me to share my story with her at some point tonight at the cookout and she seemed very interested. We finally showed up to the cookout, after the rest of our team, and hang out as a family. We laughed, we worshiped, we played games, we ate great food, we were silly, we were serious. She truly saw us being a family and I could see God working on her heart. After a few string of events, I had left her by herself and she took this opportunity to try and sneak out. But we knew that God wasn't ready for her to leave. So I took off running down the street after her. By the time I got to the corner where she was, a translator wasn't far behind. It took some convincing, and lots of praying, to get her to come back. I knew that I was supposed to share my story so I even made a deal with her that we would sit in the front yard and not the back where everyone else was.
For the next hour and half to 2 hours, I shared my story with her. I told her about the events in my life that had led me to feel unworthy, to feel unloved, to feel alone and want to run away. But then I shared the greatest part, how God had redeemed me! I shared with her some scripture about Jesus speaking tenderly to me, about learning to forgive those who have heart me deeply so that I could see God as my Father. I shared with her many things that I do not remember. Things that I have never talked about, things I didn't even know God had redeemed me from. I shared about how God gave me the most incredible life and how He placed this joy in my heart that cannot be taken away. Even though many tears were shed by all 3 of us, (Kristine, the translator-Linda, and me) there was an indescribable joy in my heart! When I felt God telling me to just pause for a moment Kristine asked if she could pray for me. Of course I was thrilled for this to happen and there are 2 things that stuck out to me in her prayer. The first one was she pointed out how God had made me a fighter. She was thankful God had instilled that fight in me so that He could cross our paths. If I would not have fought to live a better life, then I would not be there with her. The second thing was that she was beginning to realize if she allowed Jesus to be her Father then she would have the greatest sisters on earth. This made me realize she was beginning to see how great Jesus is! I was thrilled in my heart!
Then after she prayed for me, she began to tell me some of her life. She told me all that I told you in the 2nd paragraph. She even rolled up her sleeves to show me the cuts on her arm from where she had cut herself and there were scars on top of scars on top of scars. My heart broke seeing the hurt she was in and how she was fighting those emotions. (every time she would start to feel something, she would cramp up or people would walk by and talk to us. The enemy was doing what he could to keep her distracted) We would soon have to wrap our conversation up as it was time for me to leave. The team had even left me there to continue our conversation and had my host family come pick me up there instead of at the church. But I left the conversation joyful for what God was doing in her heart, but not at peace that the enemy would let her go that easy. That night I spent a good 2-3 hours crying and praying. I didn't know what I was praying for I just knew I was supposed to pray. I have never experienced anything quite like this and I think I even cried myself to sleep around 1 am.
The next morning I was very restless and anxious. I wasn't sure if it was from the events the night before or just me being tired. But I pressed into the Lord and knew I needed all of His strength that day because I had nothing left. After the first drama was over, our leaders had pulled my partner and I aside and told us what had happened the night before. (These next sentences are all from what I remember being told to me.) You see, after I had left Kristine, her heart was so confused about so many things she called K and said she was going to kill herself. They told her to come to the church and they would be there waiting for her. After about 45 minutes they decided to run to where they knew she was. Once she saw them running towards her, she took off running. She ran through one field, through one gate and another until finally the next gate was locked. She didn't have anywhere else to go so she sat down and cried. One of my leaders sat down next to her and cried with her and prayed over her. Kristine then proceeded to say some words that the translator would not translate, but they knew she was mocking them. She would say things like go home to your comfortable beds, your loving family, quit wasting your time on me. You don't care about me anyway and you are just a bunch of clowns. After some time of this, the people present who were female, K-my leader, asked for them to leave. He knew somethings were about to take place that they shouldn't see. And unfortunately he was right. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a piece of broken glass and proceeded to cut herself. She cut herself so deep that blood was running down her arms. Now K just sat there until the Lord finally told him it was time to stand up and leave. The choice was in her hands now, either she could give her life to Christ or she could give into the enemy, but there was nothing that K could do anymore. So K stood up and told her that he would be at the church and that if she wanted to join her big brother, he would be there waiting for her. Then he turned around and walked away. By the time he was back on the same street that the church was on, he heard Kristine running behind him yelling big brother, big brother, I'm coming. He knew if he would have stopped or turned around it was all over and she would run away. So he kept walking. As he reached the corner the church was on she said, "Big brother, big brother, I need to pray now! I need to pray for Jesus now!" Just then the translator had pulled up in the car and they all prayed together. After they finished praying, Kristine told K that she had something to give him. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the piece of glass and said, here take it, I don't need it anymore.
Whew....deep breath. I realize that was a lot of information but it is all crucial. See, there were about 5 people who were placed on this team together for this very purpose. To share the love of Christ with this one 16 year old girl. I rejoice with our Father knowing that she belongs to Him now and not the enemy! I rejoice in the new found realization that my Daddy has redeemed me from so much in my life and has given me a new life! A life in Him! As much as God used me, along with many others, in Kristine's life, He used her in mine.
The next time I saw Kristine, I hugged her with a joyful heart knowing she is now apart of our family. I said to her the 3 sentences I knew in Latvian. Tu esi mana masa Jezu Kristu. Jezus loti tevi mil! Es tevi milu! (You are my sister in Jesus Christ. Jesus loves you a lot! I love you!) She hugged me back and I think that was the biggest hug I have ever received from anyone before. It gave me peace in my heart to know she genuinely belong to our Father!
I would ask you join me in prayer for Kristine. The enemy is not through trying to take her life. The enemy still seeks to destroy her life and I believe it is because our God has great things planned for her life! Please join me in prayer and also remember to appreciate your loving families and your comfortable beds. Count those small blessings in your life and thank the One who gave them to you.
Romans 10:9-10 If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.
The second story I have to share with you is about life. The life and redemption that only Jesus can give us. As a leader, most times you don't get the privilege of sharing your testimony with the locals. As TDs (Team Directors) our ministry is to the students. We spend our time with Jesus first, then us as partners, then to the students. This trip, Jesus orchestrated one of the most beautiful encounters I have had the honor to partake in. It was all of God and nothing of me. There was a particular girl who had come to watch our students perform the drama. While one of our students was giving his testimony she was brought to tears. His testimony demonstrated how God had allowed him to feel love, be loved, and love. As a young baby his parents left him and his sister to be alone. A loving American family adopted them and it took him years to truly feel love. It took the Love of Christ to break down the walls around his heart to love as Christ has called him to love. This young girl, Kristine-16, has a similar story. Her story is similar in the fact that she doesn't have a family that knows how to portray love. Her mother hardly ever tells her that she loves her daughter and Kristine's father is not around. Most nights Kristine comes home to her mother being gone (her mother sleeps with different guys every night) or being locked out of the house. When she is home, Kristine has to share a bedroom with her 2 brothers. At night, one of her brothers has molested her in the past. To take away the pain in her heart she has learned to cut herself. She desperately longs for the love of a family, to feel apart of a family. She wants to experience life the way God created it.
All that to say, she talked to this young man after we performed the drama. They talked until he had to leave for the night but he made sure to invite her to church the next morning. Even though we weren't really sure what she would do, she showed up in church the next morning eager to learn more about this Jesus we so affectionately talked about. After church she went to the beach with us, (it was a free day for our team) and started to talk to 2 of our leaders. She got into more detail about her story and they knew she needed to spend more time with our team. She needed to see what being apart of the family, the body of Christ really was like. We were having a celebratory cookout with our Ventspils friends and family and our leaders invited her to come with us. Before we left, we all met back at the church to gather up the things we needed and headed to the cookout. As our team was walking out the door, one of my leaders (K) pulled me aside and asked if I would share my testimony with her. We have been through some similar things and it would be great for her to see the redeeming love of our Father through what He has done in my heart. (Now mind you, for the 2 days leading up to this moment, I felt God was preparing my heart to share my testimony. I just didn't know with whom it would be but I knew he was preparing me to share some deep stuff in my heart. So when K had asked me to share, it was like God was saying, now is the time to share what great things I've done. It was a no brainer, of course the answer was yes! :) )
Now, one of our translators had a car and was driving and asked if someone could go with her, so K had said, "Sure, take Alesha and Kristine with you and we will meet you all there." The rest of the team had to walk for like 30 minutes so this wonderful translator took the this opportunity to show me a couple places in the city. This was perfect because it allowed for Kristine and I to have a conversation and get to know each other. We had fun just being silly and started off our friendship very non-threatening. Then I asked her some more threatening questions. The conversation went something like this...obviously through a translator.
Me: "Are you a Christian?"
Kristine: "Well, yea I guess."
M: "Do you have a relationship with Jesus?"
K: "No."
M: "Why not?"
K: "I don't know. I guess I don't really know what that means."
Then I took the time to explain to her about Jesus being like our best friend. We can always talk to Him, lean on Him, trust Him with our deepest secrets. I honestly don't remember everything that was said but I did also mention that when we are with Jesus, we all become family. That we are all brothers and sisters and that is the greatest family to be a part of. The last sentence is what stuck in her heart I think. I then asked if she would allow me to share my story with her at some point tonight at the cookout and she seemed very interested. We finally showed up to the cookout, after the rest of our team, and hang out as a family. We laughed, we worshiped, we played games, we ate great food, we were silly, we were serious. She truly saw us being a family and I could see God working on her heart. After a few string of events, I had left her by herself and she took this opportunity to try and sneak out. But we knew that God wasn't ready for her to leave. So I took off running down the street after her. By the time I got to the corner where she was, a translator wasn't far behind. It took some convincing, and lots of praying, to get her to come back. I knew that I was supposed to share my story so I even made a deal with her that we would sit in the front yard and not the back where everyone else was.
For the next hour and half to 2 hours, I shared my story with her. I told her about the events in my life that had led me to feel unworthy, to feel unloved, to feel alone and want to run away. But then I shared the greatest part, how God had redeemed me! I shared with her some scripture about Jesus speaking tenderly to me, about learning to forgive those who have heart me deeply so that I could see God as my Father. I shared with her many things that I do not remember. Things that I have never talked about, things I didn't even know God had redeemed me from. I shared about how God gave me the most incredible life and how He placed this joy in my heart that cannot be taken away. Even though many tears were shed by all 3 of us, (Kristine, the translator-Linda, and me) there was an indescribable joy in my heart! When I felt God telling me to just pause for a moment Kristine asked if she could pray for me. Of course I was thrilled for this to happen and there are 2 things that stuck out to me in her prayer. The first one was she pointed out how God had made me a fighter. She was thankful God had instilled that fight in me so that He could cross our paths. If I would not have fought to live a better life, then I would not be there with her. The second thing was that she was beginning to realize if she allowed Jesus to be her Father then she would have the greatest sisters on earth. This made me realize she was beginning to see how great Jesus is! I was thrilled in my heart!
Then after she prayed for me, she began to tell me some of her life. She told me all that I told you in the 2nd paragraph. She even rolled up her sleeves to show me the cuts on her arm from where she had cut herself and there were scars on top of scars on top of scars. My heart broke seeing the hurt she was in and how she was fighting those emotions. (every time she would start to feel something, she would cramp up or people would walk by and talk to us. The enemy was doing what he could to keep her distracted) We would soon have to wrap our conversation up as it was time for me to leave. The team had even left me there to continue our conversation and had my host family come pick me up there instead of at the church. But I left the conversation joyful for what God was doing in her heart, but not at peace that the enemy would let her go that easy. That night I spent a good 2-3 hours crying and praying. I didn't know what I was praying for I just knew I was supposed to pray. I have never experienced anything quite like this and I think I even cried myself to sleep around 1 am.
The next morning I was very restless and anxious. I wasn't sure if it was from the events the night before or just me being tired. But I pressed into the Lord and knew I needed all of His strength that day because I had nothing left. After the first drama was over, our leaders had pulled my partner and I aside and told us what had happened the night before. (These next sentences are all from what I remember being told to me.) You see, after I had left Kristine, her heart was so confused about so many things she called K and said she was going to kill herself. They told her to come to the church and they would be there waiting for her. After about 45 minutes they decided to run to where they knew she was. Once she saw them running towards her, she took off running. She ran through one field, through one gate and another until finally the next gate was locked. She didn't have anywhere else to go so she sat down and cried. One of my leaders sat down next to her and cried with her and prayed over her. Kristine then proceeded to say some words that the translator would not translate, but they knew she was mocking them. She would say things like go home to your comfortable beds, your loving family, quit wasting your time on me. You don't care about me anyway and you are just a bunch of clowns. After some time of this, the people present who were female, K-my leader, asked for them to leave. He knew somethings were about to take place that they shouldn't see. And unfortunately he was right. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a piece of broken glass and proceeded to cut herself. She cut herself so deep that blood was running down her arms. Now K just sat there until the Lord finally told him it was time to stand up and leave. The choice was in her hands now, either she could give her life to Christ or she could give into the enemy, but there was nothing that K could do anymore. So K stood up and told her that he would be at the church and that if she wanted to join her big brother, he would be there waiting for her. Then he turned around and walked away. By the time he was back on the same street that the church was on, he heard Kristine running behind him yelling big brother, big brother, I'm coming. He knew if he would have stopped or turned around it was all over and she would run away. So he kept walking. As he reached the corner the church was on she said, "Big brother, big brother, I need to pray now! I need to pray for Jesus now!" Just then the translator had pulled up in the car and they all prayed together. After they finished praying, Kristine told K that she had something to give him. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the piece of glass and said, here take it, I don't need it anymore.
Whew....deep breath. I realize that was a lot of information but it is all crucial. See, there were about 5 people who were placed on this team together for this very purpose. To share the love of Christ with this one 16 year old girl. I rejoice with our Father knowing that she belongs to Him now and not the enemy! I rejoice in the new found realization that my Daddy has redeemed me from so much in my life and has given me a new life! A life in Him! As much as God used me, along with many others, in Kristine's life, He used her in mine.
The next time I saw Kristine, I hugged her with a joyful heart knowing she is now apart of our family. I said to her the 3 sentences I knew in Latvian. Tu esi mana masa Jezu Kristu. Jezus loti tevi mil! Es tevi milu! (You are my sister in Jesus Christ. Jesus loves you a lot! I love you!) She hugged me back and I think that was the biggest hug I have ever received from anyone before. It gave me peace in my heart to know she genuinely belong to our Father!
I would ask you join me in prayer for Kristine. The enemy is not through trying to take her life. The enemy still seeks to destroy her life and I believe it is because our God has great things planned for her life! Please join me in prayer and also remember to appreciate your loving families and your comfortable beds. Count those small blessings in your life and thank the One who gave them to you.
Romans 10:9-10 If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Love, Life, and Joy Part 1
Well some of you may have been anticipating the post that describes what I did this summer, what I learned, and what I'm bringing home. More than ever this year it is hard to put into words but I will try my best to depict for you the 3 biggest lessons our Daddy has taught me. The 3 biggest lessons all have to do with 3 names, 3 simple words, 3 stories. Rafael, Kristine, and Linda. Love, life, and joy!
I will probably break these into 3 different blogs or else this could get pretty lengthy. I'll start off with Rafael as this story will help shape the rest. Everything happens in His perfect timing and it was important this story was first on my journey.
About halfway through our trip, we left Talsi and headed to an orphanage. If I am correct, it's called Kakishi. We arrived and the room they wanted our students to perform the drama is was no bigger than a rather large walk in closet. It would have been a tight fit for 17 of us, + 4 translators, and the people we were there to love on. We decided it was best to perform the drama outside even though rain clouds looked to threaten our performance. We were confident God was going to show up despite the rain. As the students started worshipping, the children started to come out of the building with what warm clothes they had, and some were still in shorts and short sleeves. From the first look into the eyes of one the children, my heart was broken. Would these kids ever know that they were loved?
We started the drama and I decided to go sit on the opposite side of the "stage" and reflect and thank God for the blessings He had given me in my life. I couldn't help but remember all the times as a kid I knew I had somewhere to run to feel loved. I knew I could feel the warm embrace from a loved ones hug, but would these kids ever get that? As I was praying for each of the faces I saw, this little boy came and crawled in my lap. He made himself at home. I could tell he was comfortable by the sigh when he laid his head on my chest. He pulled my hand so it was across his body resting in his lap. I tried my best to hold back the tears. For the rest of the drama we both sat there in complete peace. When I clapped, he clapped. When I cheered, he cheered. He was my mini me in that moment.
After the drama was over, we played for a little bit until he thought he would check out the rest of the students. But the odd thing was, he always returned to me for a moment of rest. He wanted to play this chasing game with me so we started to play around. Then one of the guys on our team ran up to him and picked him up and this scared the little boy. I would later find out his name is Rafael and Rafael came running to me to protect him. He went and played some more and then came back and sat on my lap. He kept repeating this same word to me and kissing me and hugging me. I couldn't take not knowing anymore so I walked him over to a translator and asked him to repeat what he was saying. She paused a moment before she repeated those precious words. She said, "He is calling you his momma. He said he's ready to go home now and he loves his momma." As you can imagine, I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I held him close and shed a few tears before I pulled it together again to play with him. We were probably there for about an hour just playing and loving on them. But when you experience love like that, no time seems long enough. (I imagine this is what parents feel like when their kids grow up, go off to school, get married etc. They wish time would slow down.) As it was time to say goodbye, Rafael looked at me and said, "Paldies Mamu. Es tevi milu." (Thank you Momma. I love you.) At this point, one of the leaders told me it was okay to go to the bus first because he knew saying goodbye would be hard. I sat on the bus looking out the window and watched as all the kids said goodbye to our students. I notice Rafael looking all around, I can only imagine he was looking for me. Once he spotted me in the window he waved, reached in his pocket and took out a picture of me, (he found one of my prayer cards in my backpack and kept it), kissed it and waved goodbye again as he gently placed the card back in his pocket.
Every student got on the bus a changed person. Every person was broken for those precious faces they had seen and kissed. Each student was filled with something that left them speechless. Our 45 minute bus ride was the quietest I had ever heard our team of 17 be the whole summer. As I sat and reflected in the quiet of the bus I heard God speak to me very clearly. He said, "Alesha, wasn't that so sweet how Rafael didn't even know you, he had never seen you before, yet he loved you? He climbed into your lap and felt at peace and felt safe in your presence and even called you Mom. He saw you as a safe place and as his protector. Alesha, you want to know the even better thing? Let me love you like that. I long for you to crawl into my lap. Even though you can't physically touch me or feel me, I love you. Let me be your safe place. Rest your head against my chest. Call out to me as your Daddy. Let me protect you for the storms and love you with an unconditional love. Believe that I love you Alesha. My precious daughter, you are my beloved, let me love you like Rafael let you love him." The next few moments were filled with many tears but I felt the presence of my Daddy wrap His arms around me and kiss me on the forehead. Through the simple love of a little boy, Rafael, I have a deeper understanding of how my Daddy longs for me to rest in His lap. I have a greater appreciation for the little things He has done in my life and will continue to do. My Daddy loves me, and He loves you too. I pray you know that! I pray you believe that!
Psalm 89:26 "He will call out to me, You are my Father, my God, the Rock my Savior!"
I will probably break these into 3 different blogs or else this could get pretty lengthy. I'll start off with Rafael as this story will help shape the rest. Everything happens in His perfect timing and it was important this story was first on my journey.
About halfway through our trip, we left Talsi and headed to an orphanage. If I am correct, it's called Kakishi. We arrived and the room they wanted our students to perform the drama is was no bigger than a rather large walk in closet. It would have been a tight fit for 17 of us, + 4 translators, and the people we were there to love on. We decided it was best to perform the drama outside even though rain clouds looked to threaten our performance. We were confident God was going to show up despite the rain. As the students started worshipping, the children started to come out of the building with what warm clothes they had, and some were still in shorts and short sleeves. From the first look into the eyes of one the children, my heart was broken. Would these kids ever know that they were loved?
We started the drama and I decided to go sit on the opposite side of the "stage" and reflect and thank God for the blessings He had given me in my life. I couldn't help but remember all the times as a kid I knew I had somewhere to run to feel loved. I knew I could feel the warm embrace from a loved ones hug, but would these kids ever get that? As I was praying for each of the faces I saw, this little boy came and crawled in my lap. He made himself at home. I could tell he was comfortable by the sigh when he laid his head on my chest. He pulled my hand so it was across his body resting in his lap. I tried my best to hold back the tears. For the rest of the drama we both sat there in complete peace. When I clapped, he clapped. When I cheered, he cheered. He was my mini me in that moment.
After the drama was over, we played for a little bit until he thought he would check out the rest of the students. But the odd thing was, he always returned to me for a moment of rest. He wanted to play this chasing game with me so we started to play around. Then one of the guys on our team ran up to him and picked him up and this scared the little boy. I would later find out his name is Rafael and Rafael came running to me to protect him. He went and played some more and then came back and sat on my lap. He kept repeating this same word to me and kissing me and hugging me. I couldn't take not knowing anymore so I walked him over to a translator and asked him to repeat what he was saying. She paused a moment before she repeated those precious words. She said, "He is calling you his momma. He said he's ready to go home now and he loves his momma." As you can imagine, I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I held him close and shed a few tears before I pulled it together again to play with him. We were probably there for about an hour just playing and loving on them. But when you experience love like that, no time seems long enough. (I imagine this is what parents feel like when their kids grow up, go off to school, get married etc. They wish time would slow down.) As it was time to say goodbye, Rafael looked at me and said, "Paldies Mamu. Es tevi milu." (Thank you Momma. I love you.) At this point, one of the leaders told me it was okay to go to the bus first because he knew saying goodbye would be hard. I sat on the bus looking out the window and watched as all the kids said goodbye to our students. I notice Rafael looking all around, I can only imagine he was looking for me. Once he spotted me in the window he waved, reached in his pocket and took out a picture of me, (he found one of my prayer cards in my backpack and kept it), kissed it and waved goodbye again as he gently placed the card back in his pocket.
Every student got on the bus a changed person. Every person was broken for those precious faces they had seen and kissed. Each student was filled with something that left them speechless. Our 45 minute bus ride was the quietest I had ever heard our team of 17 be the whole summer. As I sat and reflected in the quiet of the bus I heard God speak to me very clearly. He said, "Alesha, wasn't that so sweet how Rafael didn't even know you, he had never seen you before, yet he loved you? He climbed into your lap and felt at peace and felt safe in your presence and even called you Mom. He saw you as a safe place and as his protector. Alesha, you want to know the even better thing? Let me love you like that. I long for you to crawl into my lap. Even though you can't physically touch me or feel me, I love you. Let me be your safe place. Rest your head against my chest. Call out to me as your Daddy. Let me protect you for the storms and love you with an unconditional love. Believe that I love you Alesha. My precious daughter, you are my beloved, let me love you like Rafael let you love him." The next few moments were filled with many tears but I felt the presence of my Daddy wrap His arms around me and kiss me on the forehead. Through the simple love of a little boy, Rafael, I have a deeper understanding of how my Daddy longs for me to rest in His lap. I have a greater appreciation for the little things He has done in my life and will continue to do. My Daddy loves me, and He loves you too. I pray you know that! I pray you believe that!
Psalm 89:26 "He will call out to me, You are my Father, my God, the Rock my Savior!"
Monday, June 13, 2011
Lamp unto my feet..
This past week I took a "vacation" to see some family in Wisconsin. I put "" around vacation because there was a lot of driving, lots of kids, and lots of thinking. I stayed at my sister's house, which is in a small town in the middle of nowhere. There are a total of 457 people that make up this "town". Cell service is hard to come by for an AT&T customer and internet was hit or miss. I felt like I played "mom" for a week to 4 wonderful and beautiful kids, Chiara-8, Ethan-6, Isaac-2, and Jonny-1. Me who is used to the quiet, peaceful presence at "The 15", woke up daily to the sounds of kids screaming, running up and down the hall, laughing, and just being kids.....at 7:30 AM! Don't get me wrong, I loved every minute I spent with the munchkins...even the crabby ones and when they 2 youngest had high fevers, but not being able to sleep in on vacation, was a bummer. Then there was the driving-it started off with a 12 hour drive there, then 30 minutes to get ANY where from my sister's house, and of course every day we had somewhere to be. Megan and I had some few favorite songs picked out we listened to on every drive. But the time where it was quiet, the times when I was able to process some things in my brain, I came upon this realization that all this ranting is about. Night lights:)
My sister of course, living with 4 kids has to have lights on a night for when they wake up and need the bathroom or need to venture into Mommy and Papi's bed. I was pondering the idea that I had recently talked to with a friend about how God lights our path. About His word being a lamp unto our feet. The only thing about this is that we can usually only see a few steps in front of us. Sometimes that frustrates me, sometimes I want to see more. But I know it is for my own good that God allows me to see only a short distance. Then my mind pondered to night lights. You can place night lights along the hall to illuminate a small space. Each light shows you what's around it but not much ahead. If you place the lights down a path, you can see more than just what's in front of you. I believe this is true with our own lives. Except we don't place those "lights" in our lives, but God does. The people He surrounds us with, the people He places on our path, on our journey of life, illuminate different parts of our lives. Those people who give us wisdom, those people who help us when we can't continue, those who call us out on our crap because they love us, all those people help us see a little bit further in our lives.
After that realization, I started thanking God for all those lights in my life. I started to think about those teachers who were a source of light when I didn't know any better. I thanked God for those friends who called me like it was and out of love, held me accountable for walking the right path. I'm thankful for those moments I was on my face and felt like I couldn't more any more and the brightest light of them all was there to pick me up. I'm thankful I see the light of Jesus in my life and the darkness I would be in if I didn't live for Him. I pray that each one of you who read this will realize there is a Light guiding you. There is a Night light in your life, if you just take your eyes of the darkness, He is there.
For all those wondering, I had a wonderful time. I miss my kiddos and wish for just one more hug and kiss, but then that would leave me wanting just one more. I'll never get over the feeling of one of my little guys falling asleep on my chest knowing he was completely safe and loved. I pray that I can be a "night light" in little Jonny's life as well as the rest of those I am blessed to walk this journey with.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
The Circle of Life
I was talking to a friend earlier tonight and this realization hit me. The circle of Faith, the circle of Love. This friend was telling me about how she feels inadequate to pour into others lives.
(I feel this may be easier if I just insert our conversation here)
Her: Some of them really opened up about their pasts at our last meeting. It was really neat but there is a lot of pain
Me: Well God has placed you with them for a reason and through your obedience He will heal them. I'll be praying for you and them.
Her: Aww thanks friend. Sometimes I feel inadequate, but I just ask God to speak through me to them
Me: And that's why you'll impact many lives. Your focus is Him and His focus is them. :) see it all comes full circle. It's when we make it about us that the circle is broken.
Now let me just say this, this was a new realization to me at the time as well. To my knowledge I have never thought that before, the circle thing. This past week I ask God to show me glimpses that I was doing the right thing at school because some days I question my abilities. Just like most others, I too experienced a feeling of inadequacies. Through different situations I say God at work in my students' lives. One of my students has decreased his anger outbursts and has learned to remove himself from a situation that makes him upset. Another student has turned from a silent rebellion to wanting to be involved. There were many moments that melted my heart and reminded me of why I am there. So as I said these words to my friend tonight, "your focus is Him and His focus is them. It's a circle" it was like Jesus was telling me the same thing. When I keep my focus on Him, He will take care of those I am trying to love. But when I make it about me, about my abilities, the circle is broken and I will fail every time! When I make teaching about following His lead and reaching out to those Jesus lays on my heart, then it makes an impact. But when I do things my way, do things out of the flesh, (get angry, yell, give up, etc) it gets me now where quick. Focus on Jesus, Jesus focuses on them, it works.
The idea of the circle also brings me back to marriage and a ring. The ring is like a circle symbolizing a never ending love. The ring that is around my heart symbolizing my "marriage" to Christ is never ending. My Savior will always love me, always has loved me, and it will never fail. This marriage is about Jesus and how He has changed my life. His love, grace, mercy, have radically changed my heart. When I am faithful to my Bridegroom, things work out in the end. When I focus on my fleshly desires, life seems to fall a part and create unnecessary chaos. As I keep my focus on Him, Jesus will ALWAYS remain faithful and I am forever His Bride.
This is my prayer for the rest of the school year, leadership this summer, and the rest of my life. May I live every moment for Him. May I always live in the thought of a circle. May I remember that I am a beautiful bride of Christ and just like a circle, His love will NEVER end.
The circle of life is pretty interesting.
(I feel this may be easier if I just insert our conversation here)
Her: Some of them really opened up about their pasts at our last meeting. It was really neat but there is a lot of pain
Me: Well God has placed you with them for a reason and through your obedience He will heal them. I'll be praying for you and them.
Her: Aww thanks friend. Sometimes I feel inadequate, but I just ask God to speak through me to them
Me: And that's why you'll impact many lives. Your focus is Him and His focus is them. :) see it all comes full circle. It's when we make it about us that the circle is broken.
Now let me just say this, this was a new realization to me at the time as well. To my knowledge I have never thought that before, the circle thing. This past week I ask God to show me glimpses that I was doing the right thing at school because some days I question my abilities. Just like most others, I too experienced a feeling of inadequacies. Through different situations I say God at work in my students' lives. One of my students has decreased his anger outbursts and has learned to remove himself from a situation that makes him upset. Another student has turned from a silent rebellion to wanting to be involved. There were many moments that melted my heart and reminded me of why I am there. So as I said these words to my friend tonight, "your focus is Him and His focus is them. It's a circle" it was like Jesus was telling me the same thing. When I keep my focus on Him, He will take care of those I am trying to love. But when I make it about me, about my abilities, the circle is broken and I will fail every time! When I make teaching about following His lead and reaching out to those Jesus lays on my heart, then it makes an impact. But when I do things my way, do things out of the flesh, (get angry, yell, give up, etc) it gets me now where quick. Focus on Jesus, Jesus focuses on them, it works.
The idea of the circle also brings me back to marriage and a ring. The ring is like a circle symbolizing a never ending love. The ring that is around my heart symbolizing my "marriage" to Christ is never ending. My Savior will always love me, always has loved me, and it will never fail. This marriage is about Jesus and how He has changed my life. His love, grace, mercy, have radically changed my heart. When I am faithful to my Bridegroom, things work out in the end. When I focus on my fleshly desires, life seems to fall a part and create unnecessary chaos. As I keep my focus on Him, Jesus will ALWAYS remain faithful and I am forever His Bride.
This is my prayer for the rest of the school year, leadership this summer, and the rest of my life. May I live every moment for Him. May I always live in the thought of a circle. May I remember that I am a beautiful bride of Christ and just like a circle, His love will NEVER end.
The circle of life is pretty interesting.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Focus on obedience not suffering
I was reading in John 19 last night, heres a small part
Then Pilate took Jesus and had him flogged. 2 The soldiers twisted together a crown of thorns and put it on his head. They clothed him in a purple robe 3 and went up to him again and again, saying, “Hail, king of the Jews!” And they slapped him in the face.
4 Once more Pilate came out and said to the Jews gathered there, “Look, I am bringing him out to you to let you know that I find no basis for a charge against him.” 5 When Jesus came out wearing the crown of thorns and the purple robe, Pilate said to them, “Here is the man! So the soldiers took charge of Jesus. 17 Carrying his own cross, he went out to the place of the Skull (which in Aramaic is called Golgotha). 18 There they crucified him, and with him two others—one on each side and Jesus in the middle. Now it was the day of Preparation, and the next day was to be a special Sabbath. Because the Jewish leaders did not want the bodies left on the crosses during the Sabbath, they asked Pilate to have the legs broken and the bodies taken down. 32 The soldiers therefore came and broke the legs of the first man who had been crucified with Jesus, and then those of the other. 33 But when they came to Jesus and found that he was already dead, they did not break his legs. 34 Instead, one of the soldiers pierced Jesus’ side with a spear, bringing a sudden flow of blood and water. 35The man who saw it has given testimony, and his testimony is true. He knows that he tells the truth, and he testifies so that you also may believe. 36 These things happened so that the scripture would be fulfilled: “Not one of his bones will be broken,”[c] 37 and, as another scripture says, “They will look on the one they have pierced.
Then Pilate took Jesus and had him flogged. 2 The soldiers twisted together a crown of thorns and put it on his head. They clothed him in a purple robe 3 and went up to him again and again, saying, “Hail, king of the Jews!” And they slapped him in the face.
4 Once more Pilate came out and said to the Jews gathered there, “Look, I am bringing him out to you to let you know that I find no basis for a charge against him.” 5 When Jesus came out wearing the crown of thorns and the purple robe, Pilate said to them, “Here is the man! So the soldiers took charge of Jesus. 17 Carrying his own cross, he went out to the place of the Skull (which in Aramaic is called Golgotha). 18 There they crucified him, and with him two others—one on each side and Jesus in the middle. Now it was the day of Preparation, and the next day was to be a special Sabbath. Because the Jewish leaders did not want the bodies left on the crosses during the Sabbath, they asked Pilate to have the legs broken and the bodies taken down. 32 The soldiers therefore came and broke the legs of the first man who had been crucified with Jesus, and then those of the other. 33 But when they came to Jesus and found that he was already dead, they did not break his legs. 34 Instead, one of the soldiers pierced Jesus’ side with a spear, bringing a sudden flow of blood and water. 35The man who saw it has given testimony, and his testimony is true. He knows that he tells the truth, and he testifies so that you also may believe. 36 These things happened so that the scripture would be fulfilled: “Not one of his bones will be broken,”[c] 37 and, as another scripture says, “They will look on the one they have pierced.
These are the only verses that talk about what was physically done to Jesus. In the past few years I have heard some sermons, watched The Passion, and did some research on the Crucifixion of Jesus and have heard it in extensive detail. After I read this story again last night, 2 things struck me.
1. I had forgotten how "little" detail was actually in scripture about what had happened during the crucifixion scene. It doesn't talk about the number of whips and lashes Jesus took to save our lives. It doesn't talk about the flesh that was ripped and shed for you and me. Scripture doesn't show the magnitude of suffering Jesus went through willing to fulfill His call and be obedient. Then number 2 hit me.
2. Our lives are not about the amount of suffering we endure. Our walk of faith is not about the extensiveness of our pain, but it is about our obedience. Even to the cross Jesus was focused on being obedient to what His Father had sent Him to Earth to do, pay the price for OUR sins. And Scripture DOES focus on this. It is clear throughout the whole Bible that those lives, those people who are "heros of the faith" were obedient to their calling. Even when they didn't always agree or understand what was going on, they stayed obedient.
That's my prayer going into this Easter. Reflecting and remembering the Sacrifice that was made, that I would remain obedient to what my Father has told me not matter the cost. That when things may seem to be falling a part or not going as I would like, that I would remain obedient to my Father. It doesn't matter how much I suffer in this lifetime, the only thing that matters is my obedience. I must remember this on the hard days at school, God has called me to be a teacher and when the days get rough and I feel inadequate, I keep my eyes on Christ and let Him guide my every step.
Happy Easter and Praise Jesus for His Love. The power that rose Jesus from the grave is the power that has changed my life! :)
Sunday, April 3, 2011
some thoughts...
Hello blog world.
I have not forgotten you. I've thought often about writing and then the business of life sets in and then I just forget. However, there has been a lot of changes and a lot on my mind.
1. I no longer work at a shoe store, but have a teaching job! I am teaching and shaping young 2nd grade minds to try and be better citizens. It is a challenge but I feel the result in 2 months will be worth every one.
2. Pondering the idea of how perspectives shape our thoughts.......blog to come soon.
3. I'm getting super PUMPED for Latvia...still working on fundraising.
4. Possible job opportunities for the future
5. How blessed I am by my Savior, even when all else is chaos.
6. Missing my best friend
7. HUGE open doors with the relationship with my brother!
But through all this mess in my mind and my heart, I'm seeking to follow my Jesus and take the path He lays before me. I love Him more today then yesterday and He only continues to amaze me at how He loves me. :)
I have not forgotten you. I've thought often about writing and then the business of life sets in and then I just forget. However, there has been a lot of changes and a lot on my mind.
1. I no longer work at a shoe store, but have a teaching job! I am teaching and shaping young 2nd grade minds to try and be better citizens. It is a challenge but I feel the result in 2 months will be worth every one.
2. Pondering the idea of how perspectives shape our thoughts.......blog to come soon.
3. I'm getting super PUMPED for Latvia...still working on fundraising.
4. Possible job opportunities for the future
5. How blessed I am by my Savior, even when all else is chaos.
6. Missing my best friend
7. HUGE open doors with the relationship with my brother!
But through all this mess in my mind and my heart, I'm seeking to follow my Jesus and take the path He lays before me. I love Him more today then yesterday and He only continues to amaze me at how He loves me. :)
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Thankful for my Savior!
"But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior" Titus 3:4-6
We had an incredible baptism service on Sunday! I still get emotional over it. The older I get, the more mature in my faith I get, the more I realize the intentions behind baptism. I was raised in a church were the babies get baptized. This symbolizes the cleansing of the "original sin". This was also a commitment by my mom and sponsors to raise me in the right way. Later, I then went through confirmation, or "affirmation of my baptism". This for me, meant another "rite of passage". It was tradition for me as a Lutheran to go through this ceremony. It was supposed to represent my decision to follow Christ. (However, let me first put a disclaimer out there by saying, I don't feel that my baptism as a child was wrong, I don't think confirmation was wrong, I believe this both played key parts in my life today.) The few years to follow my confirmation were years spent trying to find myself. I always thought something was missing. I believed in my head there was a God, I believed there was this guy named Jesus who died for me, I believed I should live morally, but I didn't think I needed to live sold out for anything. Heck, I wasn't even really sure what that meant.
Then I met one of the people that would shake my "religious" world upside down. She talked to me about a God who loves us because of who we are, not the things we have done. (this was crucial as I was walking a path that could have led to destruction with seriously poor choices) She talked about a Jesus that will see me through anything. She talked about a way out of even our dumbest mistakes. I was skeptical because of her church affiliation. It wasn't until God picked me out of Wi and brought me to Ok that I started to see what she was talking about. I saw people walking with the power of God like never before. I'll never forget sitting in church that Sunday morning with a pounding in my chest I couldn't control. I tried fighting it with every ounce of energy I had. I was wondering if people could actually see my heart pumping out of my chest because I could have sworn it was! For the first time, I felt the presence of God in my life. I, myself, without anyone telling me exactly what it was, felt Jesus moving in my heart. I felt Him tell me that I needed to change my life or my life wouldn't matter. I heard Him say He loved me just the way I was. (it was definitely as whisper at this time)
So I decided to get baptized. I decided I needed to make a choice. Live the path of destruction or change to be sold out for eternity. With people pulling me in different directions, some saying, "no you don't need to. You are already baptized". Some saying, "go for it girl, if that's what you think you need to do". But deep down, I KNEW without a doubt, and for the first time I was so sure about it, that I needed to commit my life to Christ. I made a pact with God that every moment of my life from here on out would be for Him. He saved me from the wretched life I was living and has filled my heart with confidence, love, hope, joy, and peace. The once whisper of knowing He loves me just the way I am, is now heard clear as day. "Alesha, I love you just the way you are. You are beautiful inside and out. Alesha, did you know you're mine? Your Daddy loves you."
Yes, I still stumble, I still have days where I feel it's easier to give into the lies thrown my way. But I know that my God loves me. I know my Daddy in Heaven is looking down on me and guiding my path. Every now and then I like to take my own "shortcuts" but I quickly learn the only place I get faster is trouble.
This past Sunday watching my fellow believers, my brothers and sisters in Christ commit their lives to Christ, I am reminded of the choice I once made. To lay the old life down and rise up with Christ! He has rocked my world ever since! He has taken me to places I never dreamed I would go. He has rocked my world! My prayer is that one day, you will also see what is said in Titus 3, "he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy". That you don't have to live a perfect life. You don't have to come from lots of money or a powerful position. Besides, I've learned the most powerful position is on your knees before the Throne. You don't have to do anything, except, allow Jesus to love you where you are at, allow Him into your heart, and ask for His forgiveness. He's already given it to you, you just have to accept it. I pray that you would feel the love and joy in your heart just because Jesus thinks you're to die for and you're worth it!
We had an incredible baptism service on Sunday! I still get emotional over it. The older I get, the more mature in my faith I get, the more I realize the intentions behind baptism. I was raised in a church were the babies get baptized. This symbolizes the cleansing of the "original sin". This was also a commitment by my mom and sponsors to raise me in the right way. Later, I then went through confirmation, or "affirmation of my baptism". This for me, meant another "rite of passage". It was tradition for me as a Lutheran to go through this ceremony. It was supposed to represent my decision to follow Christ. (However, let me first put a disclaimer out there by saying, I don't feel that my baptism as a child was wrong, I don't think confirmation was wrong, I believe this both played key parts in my life today.) The few years to follow my confirmation were years spent trying to find myself. I always thought something was missing. I believed in my head there was a God, I believed there was this guy named Jesus who died for me, I believed I should live morally, but I didn't think I needed to live sold out for anything. Heck, I wasn't even really sure what that meant.
Then I met one of the people that would shake my "religious" world upside down. She talked to me about a God who loves us because of who we are, not the things we have done. (this was crucial as I was walking a path that could have led to destruction with seriously poor choices) She talked about a Jesus that will see me through anything. She talked about a way out of even our dumbest mistakes. I was skeptical because of her church affiliation. It wasn't until God picked me out of Wi and brought me to Ok that I started to see what she was talking about. I saw people walking with the power of God like never before. I'll never forget sitting in church that Sunday morning with a pounding in my chest I couldn't control. I tried fighting it with every ounce of energy I had. I was wondering if people could actually see my heart pumping out of my chest because I could have sworn it was! For the first time, I felt the presence of God in my life. I, myself, without anyone telling me exactly what it was, felt Jesus moving in my heart. I felt Him tell me that I needed to change my life or my life wouldn't matter. I heard Him say He loved me just the way I was. (it was definitely as whisper at this time)
So I decided to get baptized. I decided I needed to make a choice. Live the path of destruction or change to be sold out for eternity. With people pulling me in different directions, some saying, "no you don't need to. You are already baptized". Some saying, "go for it girl, if that's what you think you need to do". But deep down, I KNEW without a doubt, and for the first time I was so sure about it, that I needed to commit my life to Christ. I made a pact with God that every moment of my life from here on out would be for Him. He saved me from the wretched life I was living and has filled my heart with confidence, love, hope, joy, and peace. The once whisper of knowing He loves me just the way I am, is now heard clear as day. "Alesha, I love you just the way you are. You are beautiful inside and out. Alesha, did you know you're mine? Your Daddy loves you."
Yes, I still stumble, I still have days where I feel it's easier to give into the lies thrown my way. But I know that my God loves me. I know my Daddy in Heaven is looking down on me and guiding my path. Every now and then I like to take my own "shortcuts" but I quickly learn the only place I get faster is trouble.
This past Sunday watching my fellow believers, my brothers and sisters in Christ commit their lives to Christ, I am reminded of the choice I once made. To lay the old life down and rise up with Christ! He has rocked my world ever since! He has taken me to places I never dreamed I would go. He has rocked my world! My prayer is that one day, you will also see what is said in Titus 3, "he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy". That you don't have to live a perfect life. You don't have to come from lots of money or a powerful position. Besides, I've learned the most powerful position is on your knees before the Throne. You don't have to do anything, except, allow Jesus to love you where you are at, allow Him into your heart, and ask for His forgiveness. He's already given it to you, you just have to accept it. I pray that you would feel the love and joy in your heart just because Jesus thinks you're to die for and you're worth it!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Listening to the Whispers
This past weekend was a bit of a rough one emotionally. I kept finding myself wondering if Jesus was really enough? During a time in life where I'm supposed to be moving forward with life, I so often find myself moving backwards. This could be emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and even in physical aspects of life.
Relationships-friendships have always been a struggle for me in the sense of trust. I don't trust very easily and in the past have found myself not worth anyones times. I didn't want to bother anyone when I know they had important things already going on in life. But with the help of a very precious friend, she has helped me overcome a lot of emotions and feelings of unworthiness. But trust is something I still struggle with and this past weekend my emotional trust world was rocked, or maybe I was just seeing what others were trying to tell me. Either way, my heart was a mess and I was falling into my Daddy's arms many times through out the day asking for His strength to get me through. His grace and love IS sufficient!
The other fall back is my car. I believe my transmission is going out in my car and I'm fresh out of college with too many school loans and not financial stability to start making car payments and loan payments. I know I cannot do this alone. I know I cannot move forward in life without my Daddy leading me. And Yes, He knows my needs and has met them every time in such unexpected ways. So what about the car? Well, we may have a fix. Some new dear friends have an extra car, and if the car checks out okay, we will be striking a deal that is only orchestrated by God!
So where is all this going? Now that we got through the confusing mess, here's some scripture. I was talking with a friend about her recent life struggles and I was reminded of the great book of Hosea. 2:14&19-20 reads like this.
14 “Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. 19 I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. 20 I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD.
These are such great verses. These verses remind me of how I felt when I made the move from Wisconsin to Oklahoma. I felt so alone, everything I had known, all the comforts of life, anything that made me feel relaxed, all the "fun" times I had, it was all gone. I was stripped of everything and who did I lean on? The One who had allured me there in the first place. My Savior! I feel this season has come again but in a different life. Instead of leaving one "world" and entering another "world". I'm still in the same house, still surrounded by most of the same people, my daily activities are still the same, but God is alluring my heart to the wilderness and speaking tenderly. And the greatest part about it? I realize that NOTHING else matters. Relationship issues, car troubles, school loans, crappy job, life at a stand still, none of it matters because I know, I believe, I hold on to the knowledge of knowing my God loves me. He whispers tenderly to my heart, He pursues me with an undying love. And when I realized that, everything else started falling into place. I trust my Daddy more than ever before, I love my Daddy more than ever before, and I'll sit here and soak up His love while I wait for the next step to be revealed. I'm loving being in the presence of my God!
Relationships-friendships have always been a struggle for me in the sense of trust. I don't trust very easily and in the past have found myself not worth anyones times. I didn't want to bother anyone when I know they had important things already going on in life. But with the help of a very precious friend, she has helped me overcome a lot of emotions and feelings of unworthiness. But trust is something I still struggle with and this past weekend my emotional trust world was rocked, or maybe I was just seeing what others were trying to tell me. Either way, my heart was a mess and I was falling into my Daddy's arms many times through out the day asking for His strength to get me through. His grace and love IS sufficient!
The other fall back is my car. I believe my transmission is going out in my car and I'm fresh out of college with too many school loans and not financial stability to start making car payments and loan payments. I know I cannot do this alone. I know I cannot move forward in life without my Daddy leading me. And Yes, He knows my needs and has met them every time in such unexpected ways. So what about the car? Well, we may have a fix. Some new dear friends have an extra car, and if the car checks out okay, we will be striking a deal that is only orchestrated by God!
So where is all this going? Now that we got through the confusing mess, here's some scripture. I was talking with a friend about her recent life struggles and I was reminded of the great book of Hosea. 2:14&19-20 reads like this.
14 “Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. 19 I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. 20 I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD.
These are such great verses. These verses remind me of how I felt when I made the move from Wisconsin to Oklahoma. I felt so alone, everything I had known, all the comforts of life, anything that made me feel relaxed, all the "fun" times I had, it was all gone. I was stripped of everything and who did I lean on? The One who had allured me there in the first place. My Savior! I feel this season has come again but in a different life. Instead of leaving one "world" and entering another "world". I'm still in the same house, still surrounded by most of the same people, my daily activities are still the same, but God is alluring my heart to the wilderness and speaking tenderly. And the greatest part about it? I realize that NOTHING else matters. Relationship issues, car troubles, school loans, crappy job, life at a stand still, none of it matters because I know, I believe, I hold on to the knowledge of knowing my God loves me. He whispers tenderly to my heart, He pursues me with an undying love. And when I realized that, everything else started falling into place. I trust my Daddy more than ever before, I love my Daddy more than ever before, and I'll sit here and soak up His love while I wait for the next step to be revealed. I'm loving being in the presence of my God!
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