When I first heard the call to lead..

I've thought for a few days now, what should my next blog be about. I've tried to start it a few times but everytime I sit down to write it, my words seem to leave me. So here I am, praying God will give me the words and the only thing I can think of is, write with your heart. One big question people often ask God, what is Your plan for my life? What is my purpose? And then when God decides to show us, when He decides, okay my child is ready for a glimpse, don't we get overwhlemed and excited at the same time? We act in awe, at least I know I did, of what God shows us He wants to do with our lives. We act even surprised. What God, you want to do what with my life? I remember many parts of my journey that have led me to this point. I remember my very first mission trip in high school. I wanted to be a cool Youthworks leader one day. I remember thinking yea, I could give up a summer and live in another state, impact a community like this, and work with different students every week. Yea, that would be kind of cool. It never worked out, because I think I had the wrong motives. I wanted to do it because I thought it was cool. In a time in my life where I just wanted to belong, where I was tired of being the kid who was picked on, I just wanted to be the kid who was looked up to. I also remember, however, that God fulfilled His call on my life to be a leader through another way. There have been few times, especially in high school, where I may not have been a leader up front, or a team captian, but I remember the authorities in my life saying, you are a great leader by example. You don't need the spot light. You lead from within. I took these words and just listened, but inside I was saying, yea but I want the spotlight. I remember 1 times that it did happen this way. Once was in choir. My senior year I was made choir president. Really this didnt' mean much except you took atendance and you would relay things to the class. And in the event that our teacher was gone, you would be the one to help the substitute. As much as I enjoyed being in the spotlight, I also didn't like it at times. I was ridculed by some students. Some students stuck up for me. I remember thinking finally my chance to belong, my chance to shine, and yet a part of me wanted to slip back into leading by example. Then again in college. I played softball. At this particular school, if you played sports, you were pretty cool. I loved that feeling. Even though I didn't play much, I still loved being a part of a team. I loved that we became family. We were together almost all the time. We stuck up for each other. We helped each other through tough times. Now, we weren't perfect but then again what family is? I also was told again by my coach, you have a gift of leadership. Leading by example. I remember thinking again, but is this enough? So why do I tell you these things? Because I also remember the night God revealed to be that He would make me a leader for His kingdom. I remember I was sitting in my bed in the "batcave" of The 15 and praying and it hit me. Alesha, you will help lead this next generation. My first response was this, "Are You CRAZY? I can't lead! Jesus, I don't know enough about the bible, I don't know how to live a Godly life, I don't know how to lead without a desire to be known. I think you are crazy!" But since that moment 4 years ago, God has never stopped teaching me and never stopped growing this in my heart. He continues to teach me to lead by example. He continues to teach me how to lead like Him, with humility. Last Sunday, Pastor Sam of House of God church, (who happens to speak English) preached about humility. He talked about how from the age of 12-30 Jesus spent that time submitting to His earthly parents. Jesus, even though He had the wisdom to lead people at 12, even though He had the knowledge of scripture, even though He was greater than any human being, Jesus still submitted to those who were lower than Him. He spent 18 years learning from His father. He spent 18 years learning the people He walked daily life with. He waited until the Holy Spirit came upon Him and told Him, okay, now you can go. I remember this being powerful even on Sunday when I left the service, but it hit me to a whole new level when I was walking the streets of Kuldiga on Monday. As I walked around, looking into the faces of God's children, seeing the hurt in some of their eyes, hearing the cries of their heart, I wanted so bad to start a conversation. I wanted to be able to speak to them in their language. I wanted to hear their stories and share find out if they knew Jesus. Then I heard it, a small voice, "Alesha, this is your time to be taught. This is not the time for you to step up to be a leader yet. You must continue to lead by example. You must continue to learn to be humble. You must continue to learn to be patient. You must continue to learn these people, my people. There will come a day when I say Go, but for now, you must wait." So. With all of that being said, do I still desire the spotlight like I did in high school and the beginning of college? No. I know who deserves the spotlight and that is not me, but always Jesus. I guess the point is this. God has shown me a plan for my life. He has shown me a purpose for bringing me here. He has affirmed in my heart what He wants to do. And He has also shown me that this time for me, is a time to sit at His even and learn from Him. It is a time to be a student in the school of Mary. Yes, everyday I should be a student of this school, but even more so today. I must continue to learn to humble myself before others, whether they are greater than me or the least of these. I must learn humility. I must learn to serve without expectations and love with nothing in return. I must simply desire Jesus above all else. I hope this made some sense to you and you were able to follow my thoughts. Sometimes speaking from the heart is a mess, but then again, Jesus always takes the mess and creates something beautiful. :)

The calm in a flowing river

Today, like many others, I went for a walk to my favorite spot, next to the waterfall! :) As I was sitting there and reflecting on this journey, reflecting on life, I continued to be amazed at the peace it brings me. I had a conversation with a new friend the other day. We went to the sea and we both talked about the calmness it brought to us. We talked about how we could sit there all day by ourselves and never feel alone. How could you when you see the creation of our Father?! But then I shared in my heart how yes, the sea, the ocean, the waves bring me peace, but even more so I love rivers. I love the sound of the water running down the rocks. I love the breath-taking view when the river is engulfed by its surroundings. I love the peace it brings when I can sit on a rock in the middle of the water and watch the water flow all around me. If there was any place I could pick, that would be the place. Anywhere that was near a flowing river. I sat and pondered this idea. Why does a river bring me more peace than an ocean? Why does something small in retrospec to an ocean, make me feel closer to my Daddy? Yes, I know everyone is different but it was something I was pondering. Then I remebered three important memories. The first one being my cousin's house. We lived in the country. We had the whole world at our disposal or so we thought. We would venture back to the creek and spend hours playing in the swimming hole, riding horses through it, and just being kids. We had so much fun and laughter while back by the creek. We didn't care about anything else in the world, at the creek, we were free to do whatever. The creek offered us freedom and a break from the rules and lives we had from our parents. Not that these things were bad, but there we were free. The second memory was the creek by my house. It was a bit bigger than the one by my cousin's but it still offered the same safe haven. I knew that when I was at the creek, and often with my best friend (my dog :D) Jake, I was safe. Forget about all the cars driving over the bridge I played under or the fact that it was right off the road, there I was safe. I didn't have to be at home with my step-dad alone, I didn't have to resist temptations I shouldn't have as a kid, and I didn't have to answer to anyone. Much like the creek at my cousin's house, I was free. I had peace. I was calm. Then the third and final memory I thought of. My first mission trip. I had just finished my freshman year of high school. We had moved away from my step-dad and I decided I wanted to see what this mission trip was about. Let's be honest, the only reason I went was because I thought my youth pastor was cool and wanted to spend more time with her. But on that trip, God caught my attention for the first time. I was still niave and ignorant to a lot of things. I didn't know the burning in my heart was the Holy Spirit. I didn't know the love that was growing for those I didn't like was God at work. I didn't know that God was trying to change my heart even then. What I do remember however, is our camp out in Ouray, Colorado. We stayed there for two nights after we finshed our mission trip and had time of fellowship and relaxation. We could wander the grounds as long as we stayed within certain bounds. The fact that I grew up in the country appealed to my sense of wandering alone. I didn't need someone to walk with me. I was actually kind of looking forward to a few moments alone. I walked across this brigde and saw in the middle of this small river a big rock. And when I say big, I mean me and two other people could have sat with me. I saw that there were smaller rocks that made a path to this big rock. It was calling my name. Alesha, come and sit awhile. Rest on me. So I did. I remember sitting there and thinking, God are you real? God can you really hear me? God what happened this last week? I never heard a response, I never heard a voice. All I felt was peace. Stillness. A quietness in my heart. I believe this was the beginning of a lot of lessons I would learn. Being still before the Lord. So, all that to say, I think I know why this place is my favorite spot. It's a place admist the chaos and craziness of language training and ministry, that I can be still before the Lord. It's a place where I feel comfortable. It's a place where I can go and always, ALWAYS, know that my heart will be still before my Daddy. :)

What would you love to see happen in these 2 years?

I've been in this beautiful country now for almost 3 weeks. Really?! Wow, that realizatoin just hit me while writing this. I can't believe it has been 3 weeks already. In that time, I have done many new things: from cooking pankukas (crepes), lots of language, zip-line ropes course, seeing drifting cars, and the list goes on. In a world that is constantly changing and there are many things I need to adjust to, I am so thankful for a God who doesn't change and is patient with me through my changes in life. This update won't really be about what has happened here ministry wise, but more about what the Lord is teaching me. One of my friends asked me, what do you want to see in your 2 years here? What would you love to see happen while you're here? I had to think about it for a second. My first response was this: I would love to see young people give their hearts to the Lord and start a revival. Now this is a really good answer right? Well, I felt like it was a really "Jesus" answer. But it is true. I would love to see this happen. I believe in this future generation. I believe our God is bigger than any battle. I believe God can change these young peoples hearts and raise up leaders who will start a world wide revival. But as I thought about this question a little more, I felt in my heart I answered this question wrong. My deepest desire, the thing I long for the most out of these 2 years is a deeper more intimate relationship with the Lord. If He had to bring me all the way across the sea, remove me from my friends, and stick me in a new culutre to draw me closer to Him, GREAT! It will be more than worth it. In the last few weeks I feel like the Lord has already taught me so many things, but this is the biggest lesson I have learned. I, Alesha, have nothing, absolutely nothing to offer these people. Who I am in the flesh, has nothing to offer this city, this nation. But, and it's an important one, That is why I am a broken jar becuase it is not what I can offer, but it is what the Light offers. I was reminded of Gideon's army in Judges 7. It really is an incredible story. Here is Gideon who has this army. They are about to attack this Midianite camp but God says you have too many men. Their army was already smaller than the force there were up against. So Gideon listened and his army was now brought down to 300. Now the Lord calls Gideon and his army to carry nothing except a trumpet, a jar and a torch. As they go attack the camp, they sound the trumpets, break the jars and let the light shine. So what does this mean. You see all they needed was the Lord. They trusted the Lord to not lead them astray, they trusted that He knew the plans and the outcome. The trumpets were used to announce the Lord's presence and ultimately sent the Midianite camp into chaos. They broke the jars that were on the lit torches to represent that they are nothing but the Light was all that remained. Jesus was all that remained. God has been telling me this same thing. Ever since I heard a preaching over this passage, God has been working in my heart. It is not the size of the army that has come to Latvia or the team that is assembled here, because our God, our Commander, is in control. He will take care of His army. Also, I need to remain like the broken jar. Yes, a jar is clear, but if you but a jar over light, doesn't it make it dim? Doesn't it hold back the fullest potential a light can give? Therefore, my jar must be broken. My flesh must be broken so that God can shine His light to His fullest potential. I cannot get in the way of what the Lord wants to do. That is my prayer, my hearts cry. I want to get out of the way and let the Lord work. I want to continue to trust and believe that Jesus is ALL I NEED. I want to let my God, my beloved, pursue me every moment of every day. I want to be so in tune with His voice that when He whispers in my ear, go, I go. Or when He whispers, please just stay with me a little while longer, I stay and give my full attention to Him. I hope that at the end of these 2 years I am a changed person, my relationship with my Daddy is different, and that I have become more like Him. Would you pray with me about that? Thank you for your continued support and encouragement! It always brightens my day when I recieve a message or small post on facebook or email. :) Know that God is good! Not a day has been wasted here!!! Lai tev loti svetita diena! (Have a really blessed day!)

Esi laipni lugts Latvija!

Esi laipni lugts Latvija! Welcome to Latvia! Here I am in day 5 of being in Latvia and more and more everyday it feels like home. I have spent time learning the language (Latvian) and getting aquainted to the culture. I have had many traditional Latvian meals which usually consist of potatoes, ham, tomatoes, and bread with cheese. I have also eaten many eggs. I have drank lots of tea, more than I have in the last 3 months :) I have loved the weather which has been in the high 60s and at night in the 50s. I would say it is starting to get chilly already but I'm sure those dear Okies would say it already is cold. :) I love it! It could be a little warmer but I'm thankful for less than sweating all the time with heat in the 100s so I will not complain. :-) God is already doing many incredible things here! I praise Him for bring me here safely with all of my luggage, (minus a package of Reese peanut butter cups and gummy bears) and providing a place to stay. I am so thankful for the relationships He has blessed me with and continues to bless me with. On Sunday I got the privilege to see some dear friends in Riga (Lana and Valters) and it was so good for my heart to see their smiles, hug their necks, and enjoy that time with them. Here in Kuldiga, I have spent lots of time with Matiss and Ilze and this wonderful new friend Krista. I also met one girl Kristine on the street, that was a hug blessing to see this girl as she was the one with whom I shared my testimony with a year and a half ago. (check out earlier blog from August 2011). So far things are going so well. I have a place to sleep, food for my belly, and a warm shower with a God who loves me. Can't ask for much else. I am very thankful for those dear friends in my life that I have here and back home, without them this journey would be a lot more difficult. Thank you very much for being on this journey with me! Today you should know I was given a Latvian name, Alise, and it makes my heart very full to have the honor of given a Latvian name. :) I was also taught this important phrase, mani sauc Alise. Es esmu no Amerikas bet tagad dzivoju Kuldiga. (my name is Alise. I am from America but now I live in Kuldiga.) Some things you can pray for: 1. Tonight we will meet with CONNECTED team to plan this year for youth work. We will discuss next Friday's meeting and celebration as well as get a plan for the upcoming year. 2. Language! This is very important as I would love to be able to communicate in their heart language. Yes a lot of young people know English but I desire to reach them in the language they know best! 3. Pray for flat (apartment) situation, that God would provide furniture at a low cost or possibly free. Right now I have nothing but as God provides, I will be so thankful! 4. Matiss and Ilze are expecting a baby in December so please pray with me that all will continue to go well and baby Gloria will be a healthy girl coming into this world! Praises 1. Praise God for safe arrival and the relationships He has established! 2. For the team He has put togetger to reach the youth of Kuldiga and Latvia. 3. For a place to live, sleep, eat (and the food He has provided), and shower. :-) 4. The language learning that has already taken place. :D Thank you again for your support and prayers! Truly together we can reach more people and further His kingdom! :) Look for pictures soon!