Testimony

I was asked to write my testimony for House of God church magazine. I thought I would take this opportunity to share it with you all. My name is Alesha Nutter and this is a story of God’s grace saving me and working in my life. I grew up on a dairy farm in Wisconsin, USA. Most of my memories I have from childhood are with my aunt and uncle as my mom was recovering from using drugs. My dad left when I was 1 year old and my sister was back and forth between living with us and living with her dad. I didn’t have much of a stable life but I knew I was loved. When I was around 10 years old, my mom married this guy she had been dating for 8 years. He was like my dad in the sense that he raised me. He was emotionally there for me like a father should and treated me like his own. Then something changed. My step-father started to abuse me sexually. My mom worked nights so it was easy for him to come into my room without anyone knowing. I remember being scared, I remembered thinking maybe this is normal. Maybe it is my fault? No matter what I thought, I knew from that moment my life would never be the same. As I continued to grow up and mature, I felt ashamed. I felt unworthy of anyone’s love. I felt dirty. I remember so many times in high school I just wanted to tell someone but I didn’t have the courage. I didn’t want to hurt my mom. Also, during high school, I started becoming really involved in my church. I was even seen as a leader but deep inside, I didn’t really believe there was a God. How could there be a God when this happened? How could God love me when I was so broken and dirty? Why would I want God to love me like a Father if the only 2 fathers I have known have left me or abused me? On the outside, I was a happy, good person who seemed to have it all together. But on the inside, I was a mess. The little 10-year old girl was crying inside of me and was seeking for genuine innocent love. I went off to college and things only got worse. I started to party and have bad relationships with boys. I felt my purpose in life was to fulfill a man’s pleasure. The deeper I got in the parties, the emptier I felt. Then I met my real dad. At first it was a fairy tale meeting. From the first moment I hugged him, I felt like I had known him all my life. I felt that 10 year old girl inside of me crying from relief. I felt like I had everything. Sadly to say, that feeling didn’t last. As time went on, I realized my heart was still empty, there had to be something more. One cousin of mine, from my dad’s side of the family, started telling me about Jesus. She started telling me about having a relationship with Jesus; about talking to Jesus like a friend. The more we talked about it, the more I started to realize what was missing from my heart. Jesus. Somehow I found the courage to tell one of my coaches what had happened between my step-dad and I and then with the help of some amazing friends, I found the courage to tell my mom. As I told my coach everything that happened, I felt all the tears I had kept inside for 10 years come out of me, but as I cried to Jesus, I felt a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Soon after, I moved from Wisconsin to Oklahoma and started attending church with my cousin on a regular basis again. One Sunday I was at the front of the church asking Jesus to save me. I was asking Jesus to help me get my life on the right path. For the first time, I felt I had a sense of peace in my heart. I felt that genuine love I had be searching for. I moved in with 3 really great girls. They were examples of how to have a relationship with Jesus and how to live daily life as an impactful Christian. I still had a lot of questions and even sometimes some doubts. I still couldn’t trust God as a father and really couldn’t trust anyone. In the summer of 2009, I went on a mission trip to Peru with Awe Star Ministries. That summer my world was turned upside-down and any pain, hurt, mistrust, anything bad I felt towards God was emptied from me and filled with trust and love for Jesus. Through some circumstances on that trip, I learned to trust God with my life and I told Him I surrender everything to you. I also felt in my heart to search more about missions. I felt in my heart then, that God was equipping me to do a ministry in building relationships with people and helping young women and girls from broken home lives find their future in Jesus not their past. Of course, this didn’t happen overnight and it took place over 4 years and through many hard lessons but each step of the way, God has been faithful and by my side. In the summer of 2011, I came to Latvia with a team of Americans as part of an Awe Star Ministries trip. That summer changed my life in so many ways. On that trip, one of our translators had become one of my really good friends. God used her to open my heart to trusting people. God used her to show His love for me. Prior to this trip, I had only let people see so much of my heart. I was always trying to guard my heart with all my friends. That summer, God opened my heart even when I tried to resist it. But since God opened my heart to Linda and He allowed me to trust Linda, God used that friendship to help me share my testimony in great detail with one girl in Ventspils. As we sat on the grass, sharing all that God had done in my life, the pain, the triumphs, I saw God working in a new way. I realized that my life, my story, was way bigger than just me. I realized that God has saved me from my past to help change the future for many other girls. I realized that as I felt in Peru, God had been equipping me all along to minister to girls who think they have no future outside of finding their identity in a man. I realized that the biggest tool God can use is our freedom. It is His grace that changed my life and can change so many other lives. So, when I got home, I felt this burning in my heart to come back to Latvia. I contacted a couple of our translators, one being Matiss Upitis, and began praying about coming back. It became clearer and clearer everyday that God wanted me back in Latvia. I took a trip here in March to check things out and to find affirmation. God blew me away and I left with a great confidence and peace that I was supposed to serve God in Latvia. I went home, but a board together of people who would pray for me and help me along this journey. I raised the money to get back here and here I am. I will be in Latvia for 2 years, (until September 2014) working with House of God church and mostly in Kulidiga with Connected. After the 2 years, only God knows what will happen, but there is a possibility of being in Latvia more longer term. I have been here for almost 3 months and love everything about it. God has been teaching me so many things already about trusting Him, waiting on Him, serving like Him, and letting Him lead. God is faithful each and every day and reminds me that life is about falling more in love with Him all the time. Yes, it is hard being away from family and friends, especially my church family, but I know being obedient and away from those I love is far better than being disobedient and in the company of loved ones. Besides, God has already placed some really great people in my life here and we are quickly becoming family. Of course the language barrier is hard but with lots of study and God’s grace to help me learn quickly, it is coming. I am confident that by summer time, I won’t need a translator. As I was praying about coming here, there was one verse that stuck out to me and has been an encouragement often thus far on my journey in Latvia. Galatians 5:13 “You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.” I believe this verse goes along with what I felt God’s calling on my life was. I am set free from my past. I have forgiven my step-dad for what has happened. I have found my purpose in life. I have found direction. But as this verse says, I need to use my freedom to serve others. God has saved me, so that others can see His grace and His love. God has set me free, not only to release me from my chains, but to help release others from their chains. I know I cannot do this on my own for I cannot change the world, but I can try to love like God has called me to and be a tool used by Him. There is greater joy in surrendering my life to Jesus and going wherever He calls me to go, than staying in my comfortable, busy life only looking out for myself. I hope that one day when I stand before God, I will hear Him say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

Thanksgiving in the "sacrifices"

The month of November always gets the thankfulness juices flowing. It seems in the spirit of the holiday season a lot of people use these days to say thanks for things they wouldn't otherwise say. Even on Facebook people even post something to be thankful for everyday until Thanksgiving. Being in another country, which for obvious reasons doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving, it has been a different take on this holiday season for me. I mean it is already November 7 and I feel like just yesterday it was October 1. But I have talked to a few people here about Thanksgiving and why we celebrate it. Honestly, they seemed to know more about it than I did. It started as a holiday where we would thank God for the things we have in our lives. It was a day to set aside differences and come together in love and give thanks. But something I've thought about these past few years and I think even more now, is why do we wait for this holiday to say thank you? Why do we all of a sudden "make time" to say thanks when it should happen everyday? I knew coming here wasn't going to be a walk in the park. I knew and anticipated there would be difficult moments. I don't think I realized to what degree I would have to give things up. I don't think I realized the depth of the things I would be missing to follow Jesus. I read these verses a few weeks ago, Luke 14:25-33 Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, saying, ‘This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.’ “Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple. These verses got me thinking about my trip to Peru in 2009 when I heard "Lead Me to the Cross" for the first time. There is a lyric that says, "everything I once held dear, I count it all as loss." I knew that summer God was calling me to missions. I felt in my heart but didn't really understand. But I did understand I was going to have to "count the cost". This was the cost. To full heartedly follow Jesus, to be a discple and tell others about Him, I had to be willing to take everything I held dear and lay it at His feet and trust Him. So what was the cost? Chiara, Ethan, Isaac, and Jonny. When I made the decision to trust God and let Him lead me, I felt in my heart, they were what I had to give up. I love being an Auntie. I love being THEIR Auntie! I can't imagine my life without their smiles, their laughs, their hugs, and their kisses. I love the moments I get to cuddle with one of them on the couch or when I get to get beat up by the boys because they love wrestling. I love that Chiara wants to be like me. I love that Ethan still gives me kisses on the phone even though he's almost 8. I love that Isaac tries anything to make me laugh. I love that when Jonny is upset, he comes to me and just wants my sympathy. But I've understood something really valuable. If I would have stayed in America and disobeyed what I felt God was calling me to do, I wouldn't have had peace in my heart. I couldn't love them to my heart's fullest potential. I couldn't be the best example and role model for them by staying. I understand that even though I will not get to hug them or kiss them for at least 2 years, I am impacting their life more than I ever could before. Why do you ask? Because I believe this. When Jesus came into my life and I truly decided to live the rest of my life for Him, my life has radically changed. I have hope. I have purpose. I have peace. I have love. I have grace. The way I live my life now, only by the grace and strength of God, I realize that if my actions and words do not point others to Christ, there is no purpose. And when I truly live this way, it will cause a ripple effect. I have faith, that the choices I make now will affect the future for the better. If God tells me to go to Latvia and I stay in America, think of how many lives would be affected. Not only the lives here in Latvia or my own life, but every other person I would come in contact with. Yes, some of these would probably be glorifying to God still, but I would know I was being disobedient. Nobody else may ever know it, but I would feel it in my heart. Now, suppose I go to Latvia, which obviously I have, think of the lives that are affected now. God's grace and love is extended beyond my thoughts. This story becomes WAAAYYYY bigger than me. Not only that, but I imagine one day, when Chiara, Ethan, Isaac, and Jonny get old enough to understand, I can tell them why I gave up everything to follow what I believe in. I pray that leaves a bigger impact on their life than any amount of face to face moments we could have. So, when I left, did I realize just how deep the sacrifices would go? No, probably not. But I am starting to understand just how deep the influence goes and how much greater the reward is. What is the reward in giving up everything to follow Jesus. The reward for not getting to hug or kiss my niece and nephews for 2 years? Falling more and more in love with my Daddy, my Savior, my King. :) All that to say, tonight/this morning, I am thankful for 2 things. I thank God for allowing me to be called Auntie by 4 very special kids. And I am thankful that God called me to "sacrifice" the very things I held dear to fall more in love with Him! When you look at it that way, it is not really much of a sacrifice is it?

A glimpse into my weekend, reasons to be thankful!

Let us start with Friday, shall we. :) Last Friday, we had an awesome night at Connected. We had probably the fewest amount of people but that doesn't matter. I believe everyone's heart was yearning for God and that is the important part. We played a few games which included, through only asking questions trying to figure out what name was taped on your back. I was Batman. And then a "minute to win it" game where I feel like I made a fool out of myself trying to knock a soda can off a table using only a ball with a string tied around my waste. Then we had some time to fellowship and do what Latvian's love best, drink tea and eat cookies. :D I can really see where God is building trust among relationships and some doors are opening for sharing truth in lives. It is a slow process but I am believing the end result will be worth it! Then we got in a circle and talked about worship. We discussed the story of Mary washing Jesus' feet with using the questions David gave us last week about how to study the bible. And of course, this led into extended worship and prayer time. One of my favorite moments was when I looked up and saw a few students with their face on the floor worshipping. I love to worship God and I love to see others surrender the "thoughts" of those around them to worship Him as well! It was really a blessed time! I felt rejuvinated and refreshed! Then I woke up early on Saturday to catch a bus to Riga. My plan was to sleep on this almost 3 hour bus trip since I had gotten so little sleep the night before but I was too joyful to sleep. :) So I took out my bible and started reading and journaling. It was an exceptionally great time with the Lord! I loved it! It was my strength for the day, it was my "breakfast", it was the energy I knew I would need to get through the day. When I arrived in Riga, I met one dear friend at the bus station, Lana. :) She has a singing voice that will lead you straight to the throne of God. I believe whenever she sings, God sits back in His throne and just listens to His daughter worship. Anyway, we met another favorite, Valters, and had breakfast together. Fried eggs and pankukas. It was delicious and our meal was filled with many laughs. It was so good to be in the company of dear friends. We decided we then needed to walk around for awhile to work off all the food we just ate. It seems that no matter what we are doing, it is always a fun and blessed time. Valters had to go to work and so Lana and I went into a few stores to find her a new outfit. I found a place to go shopping if I need new clothes. It was farely inexpensive and had much more variety that any shop in Kuldiga. Of course Kuldiga is much, much smaller. The next few hours were spent with Lana and her worship friends. I sat and watched them practice with each other. The greatest joy came from watching them interact with each other. It is very evident that they love Jesus, love serving with each other, they love each other, and they love to make music together. The room was full of joy and God's presence, you couldn't help but smile. Then they led worship for this conference and nothing was different. The same joy and love for each other and God was evident again. And even though I didn't know the words, they were singing in Russian, I was led to the throne of God and enojyed worshipping my God with my heart. The rest of the evening was spent with more of my Riga family. Kristaps, Kristaps, Lana, Ance and Tomass for awhile and I sat around the table, ate Lana's chili for dinner, laughed a lot, and then decided to watch Ice Age 4. I don't remember the last time I laughed so much and so hard. Maybe the movie wasn't really that funny but the company made it more enjoyable. But the movie still was funny, if you haven't seen it, you should. Sometimes I think, "how did I become so blessed to have such incredible friends here already?" They LOVE Jesus, they love giving their lives to Him, and they love each other. And so quickly they have accepted me into their group. What a blessing. Thank you Jesus. Sunday, I ventured to the train station on my own, (of course with directions from Lana) got on the correct train and met Edgars and one guy who would take us to Jurmala service. There we met up with our family. In was this moment that I felt it. The peace and affirmation of seeing my "family", I knew this had become my home. Matiss, Ilze, David, Edgars, Krista, Filips and so many more, they have become my family. We spent the day leading Jurmala and Riga services. It was a blessed day of fellowship, serving God together, laughing, praying, and growing in our relationships with each other. I couldn't ask for a better group of people to walk through life with! I am blessed! The day was capped off with an iced caramel macchiato from Coffee Inn made by Valters. It was the perfect ending to a perfect weekend! Now I tell you all this and one small refocus lesson I learned from this. Sometimes we, I, tend to look at the things we don't have. I wish I had this friend, what happened to this friendship, I wish I could sing better, I wish I had more money, I wish I was in a relationship. Whatever it is you think about, we all have something. But I was reminded to not look at what I don't have, what I am missing, but to look at what I do have and what blessings they are. I have a great church family supporting me, I have family that loves me-even if they don't understand what I am doing, I have people in Latvia who geninuely care about me and want to be a part of my life. And most importantly, I have a God who loves me, who provides for me, who wants the best for my life. I have a God who is with me all the time, even if I don't feel like it. I am blessed. :) If you are feeling today like you want something more, that you want something different, took a look at your life today and thank God for what you do have!! :)

Raw honesty

I've thought about this next update for some time. Sometimes I think I should write about what a day look likes. Sometimes I think I should write about what God is teaching me. Everytime I think to write something, I just think too much. (and if you really knew me, you would know this is not uncommon :) ) So, as I lay here wide awake, I decided to do what comes best, from the heart. The last week I felt a big challenge has been placed in front of me. I'm not talking about things that I do here. Yes, everyday is filled with challenges: learning the language, adjusting to the culutre, new food becoming common, so. many. challenges. But the biggest challenge has been in my relationship with Jesus. Since being here, my time spent with Jesus has been greater than I've had in a long time. I spend a great deal listening to sermons, reading, praying, worshiping, and more sermons. I don't say this because I am patting myself on my back, but to say that I've been blessed with more "free" time than I have in probably 4 years. I've noticed areas in my life, in my heart that need to improve to bring me to a deeper level with Jesus. The more time I spend with Jesus, the more I realize I need His grace and mercy because my heart is filthy. I am a sinner. Without Jesus, I have nothing to offer anyone. So, I have asked Jesus to help me have a deeper relationship with Him. I have asked Jesus to help me truly to desire only Him. I have asked Jesus to show me areas that I need to work on so that this can happen. And yet, I love how even when Jesus shows us the hard things, He is still gentle. God has been showing me an area in my heart that I didn't realize just how much I wasn't giving to Him. This area is called forgiveness. No joke, in a matter of 3 days, I read scriptures, had conversations, and heard sermons on forgiveness. 3 days in a row of pure forgiveness topics. I felt God hitting me over the head with a brick...gently of course. :) But for real. I have previously written about how I have forgiven my step-dad for what happened. I even wrote him a letter telling him I have forgiven him. I feel a true release and redemption in my heart from that. But there is something I still struggle with. Why can I not forgive those have done "lesser" things to me and whom I hold dear to my heart? Why is it harder to forgive some people and easier for others? Maybe it is because some people repeatedly hurt me emotionally. Maybe it is because some people say one thing and do another. Maybe deep down I don't want to forgive them. Maybe holding on to that bitterness is easier than opening my heart again. I know that is wrong, but it is raw honesty. But then I was reminded of myself. I looked in the mirror so to speak. How many times do I hurt Jesus? How many times do I choose to spend my time on other useless things and not with Jesus? How many times do I say, "God, I won't do that again. I won't think about that again." and yet the temptation comes and I so easily fall into the trap? How many times do I satisfy my flesh and yet, every single time Jesus forgives me? Every single time, as I come to Him broken, weak, and ask for forgiveness, He not only gives it, but He is waiting for me with open arms. When He was beaten and nailed to the cross, He says "Father, forgive them, they do not know what they are doing". When men and women were taking the very breath from Him, He was asking God to forgive them. So why can't I forgive someone who hurts me? This has been my challenge this week. I need to forgive. But I can't just say it, I need to believe it. And I believe God is calling me to take the next step. I need to let these people know I forgive them. And that is where my heart skips a beat. I need God to give me the strength and the words to do this. I need His Spirit within me to bear my heart to these people. I believe once I do this, my relationship with Jesus will go to the next level. As another layer of my heart is peeled off, it makes more room for Jesus. I am so thankful that my hardest lessons, my biggest challenges, are never done alone. I am so thankful that I have a sovereign God who cares about me enough to pursue me, each and every day. I am thankful for a God whose grace is more than suffienct for this sinner. I am thankful that I have Jesus to hold me in my best days and my worst. I am thankful that as my Daddy continues to teach me and challenge me (as a Father should) that He also allows me to crawl into His lap and cry and let His gentle love comfort me. There you have it. Raw honesty from the heart. I am not perfect. I am nothing special just because I am living in another country. I am the same as you. We all have imperfections. We all have something we battle with. And we all have the same God to help us if we let Him.

When I first heard the call to lead..

I've thought for a few days now, what should my next blog be about. I've tried to start it a few times but everytime I sit down to write it, my words seem to leave me. So here I am, praying God will give me the words and the only thing I can think of is, write with your heart. One big question people often ask God, what is Your plan for my life? What is my purpose? And then when God decides to show us, when He decides, okay my child is ready for a glimpse, don't we get overwhlemed and excited at the same time? We act in awe, at least I know I did, of what God shows us He wants to do with our lives. We act even surprised. What God, you want to do what with my life? I remember many parts of my journey that have led me to this point. I remember my very first mission trip in high school. I wanted to be a cool Youthworks leader one day. I remember thinking yea, I could give up a summer and live in another state, impact a community like this, and work with different students every week. Yea, that would be kind of cool. It never worked out, because I think I had the wrong motives. I wanted to do it because I thought it was cool. In a time in my life where I just wanted to belong, where I was tired of being the kid who was picked on, I just wanted to be the kid who was looked up to. I also remember, however, that God fulfilled His call on my life to be a leader through another way. There have been few times, especially in high school, where I may not have been a leader up front, or a team captian, but I remember the authorities in my life saying, you are a great leader by example. You don't need the spot light. You lead from within. I took these words and just listened, but inside I was saying, yea but I want the spotlight. I remember 1 times that it did happen this way. Once was in choir. My senior year I was made choir president. Really this didnt' mean much except you took atendance and you would relay things to the class. And in the event that our teacher was gone, you would be the one to help the substitute. As much as I enjoyed being in the spotlight, I also didn't like it at times. I was ridculed by some students. Some students stuck up for me. I remember thinking finally my chance to belong, my chance to shine, and yet a part of me wanted to slip back into leading by example. Then again in college. I played softball. At this particular school, if you played sports, you were pretty cool. I loved that feeling. Even though I didn't play much, I still loved being a part of a team. I loved that we became family. We were together almost all the time. We stuck up for each other. We helped each other through tough times. Now, we weren't perfect but then again what family is? I also was told again by my coach, you have a gift of leadership. Leading by example. I remember thinking again, but is this enough? So why do I tell you these things? Because I also remember the night God revealed to be that He would make me a leader for His kingdom. I remember I was sitting in my bed in the "batcave" of The 15 and praying and it hit me. Alesha, you will help lead this next generation. My first response was this, "Are You CRAZY? I can't lead! Jesus, I don't know enough about the bible, I don't know how to live a Godly life, I don't know how to lead without a desire to be known. I think you are crazy!" But since that moment 4 years ago, God has never stopped teaching me and never stopped growing this in my heart. He continues to teach me to lead by example. He continues to teach me how to lead like Him, with humility. Last Sunday, Pastor Sam of House of God church, (who happens to speak English) preached about humility. He talked about how from the age of 12-30 Jesus spent that time submitting to His earthly parents. Jesus, even though He had the wisdom to lead people at 12, even though He had the knowledge of scripture, even though He was greater than any human being, Jesus still submitted to those who were lower than Him. He spent 18 years learning from His father. He spent 18 years learning the people He walked daily life with. He waited until the Holy Spirit came upon Him and told Him, okay, now you can go. I remember this being powerful even on Sunday when I left the service, but it hit me to a whole new level when I was walking the streets of Kuldiga on Monday. As I walked around, looking into the faces of God's children, seeing the hurt in some of their eyes, hearing the cries of their heart, I wanted so bad to start a conversation. I wanted to be able to speak to them in their language. I wanted to hear their stories and share find out if they knew Jesus. Then I heard it, a small voice, "Alesha, this is your time to be taught. This is not the time for you to step up to be a leader yet. You must continue to lead by example. You must continue to learn to be humble. You must continue to learn to be patient. You must continue to learn these people, my people. There will come a day when I say Go, but for now, you must wait." So. With all of that being said, do I still desire the spotlight like I did in high school and the beginning of college? No. I know who deserves the spotlight and that is not me, but always Jesus. I guess the point is this. God has shown me a plan for my life. He has shown me a purpose for bringing me here. He has affirmed in my heart what He wants to do. And He has also shown me that this time for me, is a time to sit at His even and learn from Him. It is a time to be a student in the school of Mary. Yes, everyday I should be a student of this school, but even more so today. I must continue to learn to humble myself before others, whether they are greater than me or the least of these. I must learn humility. I must learn to serve without expectations and love with nothing in return. I must simply desire Jesus above all else. I hope this made some sense to you and you were able to follow my thoughts. Sometimes speaking from the heart is a mess, but then again, Jesus always takes the mess and creates something beautiful. :)

The calm in a flowing river

Today, like many others, I went for a walk to my favorite spot, next to the waterfall! :) As I was sitting there and reflecting on this journey, reflecting on life, I continued to be amazed at the peace it brings me. I had a conversation with a new friend the other day. We went to the sea and we both talked about the calmness it brought to us. We talked about how we could sit there all day by ourselves and never feel alone. How could you when you see the creation of our Father?! But then I shared in my heart how yes, the sea, the ocean, the waves bring me peace, but even more so I love rivers. I love the sound of the water running down the rocks. I love the breath-taking view when the river is engulfed by its surroundings. I love the peace it brings when I can sit on a rock in the middle of the water and watch the water flow all around me. If there was any place I could pick, that would be the place. Anywhere that was near a flowing river. I sat and pondered this idea. Why does a river bring me more peace than an ocean? Why does something small in retrospec to an ocean, make me feel closer to my Daddy? Yes, I know everyone is different but it was something I was pondering. Then I remebered three important memories. The first one being my cousin's house. We lived in the country. We had the whole world at our disposal or so we thought. We would venture back to the creek and spend hours playing in the swimming hole, riding horses through it, and just being kids. We had so much fun and laughter while back by the creek. We didn't care about anything else in the world, at the creek, we were free to do whatever. The creek offered us freedom and a break from the rules and lives we had from our parents. Not that these things were bad, but there we were free. The second memory was the creek by my house. It was a bit bigger than the one by my cousin's but it still offered the same safe haven. I knew that when I was at the creek, and often with my best friend (my dog :D) Jake, I was safe. Forget about all the cars driving over the bridge I played under or the fact that it was right off the road, there I was safe. I didn't have to be at home with my step-dad alone, I didn't have to resist temptations I shouldn't have as a kid, and I didn't have to answer to anyone. Much like the creek at my cousin's house, I was free. I had peace. I was calm. Then the third and final memory I thought of. My first mission trip. I had just finished my freshman year of high school. We had moved away from my step-dad and I decided I wanted to see what this mission trip was about. Let's be honest, the only reason I went was because I thought my youth pastor was cool and wanted to spend more time with her. But on that trip, God caught my attention for the first time. I was still niave and ignorant to a lot of things. I didn't know the burning in my heart was the Holy Spirit. I didn't know the love that was growing for those I didn't like was God at work. I didn't know that God was trying to change my heart even then. What I do remember however, is our camp out in Ouray, Colorado. We stayed there for two nights after we finshed our mission trip and had time of fellowship and relaxation. We could wander the grounds as long as we stayed within certain bounds. The fact that I grew up in the country appealed to my sense of wandering alone. I didn't need someone to walk with me. I was actually kind of looking forward to a few moments alone. I walked across this brigde and saw in the middle of this small river a big rock. And when I say big, I mean me and two other people could have sat with me. I saw that there were smaller rocks that made a path to this big rock. It was calling my name. Alesha, come and sit awhile. Rest on me. So I did. I remember sitting there and thinking, God are you real? God can you really hear me? God what happened this last week? I never heard a response, I never heard a voice. All I felt was peace. Stillness. A quietness in my heart. I believe this was the beginning of a lot of lessons I would learn. Being still before the Lord. So, all that to say, I think I know why this place is my favorite spot. It's a place admist the chaos and craziness of language training and ministry, that I can be still before the Lord. It's a place where I feel comfortable. It's a place where I can go and always, ALWAYS, know that my heart will be still before my Daddy. :)

What would you love to see happen in these 2 years?

I've been in this beautiful country now for almost 3 weeks. Really?! Wow, that realizatoin just hit me while writing this. I can't believe it has been 3 weeks already. In that time, I have done many new things: from cooking pankukas (crepes), lots of language, zip-line ropes course, seeing drifting cars, and the list goes on. In a world that is constantly changing and there are many things I need to adjust to, I am so thankful for a God who doesn't change and is patient with me through my changes in life. This update won't really be about what has happened here ministry wise, but more about what the Lord is teaching me. One of my friends asked me, what do you want to see in your 2 years here? What would you love to see happen while you're here? I had to think about it for a second. My first response was this: I would love to see young people give their hearts to the Lord and start a revival. Now this is a really good answer right? Well, I felt like it was a really "Jesus" answer. But it is true. I would love to see this happen. I believe in this future generation. I believe our God is bigger than any battle. I believe God can change these young peoples hearts and raise up leaders who will start a world wide revival. But as I thought about this question a little more, I felt in my heart I answered this question wrong. My deepest desire, the thing I long for the most out of these 2 years is a deeper more intimate relationship with the Lord. If He had to bring me all the way across the sea, remove me from my friends, and stick me in a new culutre to draw me closer to Him, GREAT! It will be more than worth it. In the last few weeks I feel like the Lord has already taught me so many things, but this is the biggest lesson I have learned. I, Alesha, have nothing, absolutely nothing to offer these people. Who I am in the flesh, has nothing to offer this city, this nation. But, and it's an important one, That is why I am a broken jar becuase it is not what I can offer, but it is what the Light offers. I was reminded of Gideon's army in Judges 7. It really is an incredible story. Here is Gideon who has this army. They are about to attack this Midianite camp but God says you have too many men. Their army was already smaller than the force there were up against. So Gideon listened and his army was now brought down to 300. Now the Lord calls Gideon and his army to carry nothing except a trumpet, a jar and a torch. As they go attack the camp, they sound the trumpets, break the jars and let the light shine. So what does this mean. You see all they needed was the Lord. They trusted the Lord to not lead them astray, they trusted that He knew the plans and the outcome. The trumpets were used to announce the Lord's presence and ultimately sent the Midianite camp into chaos. They broke the jars that were on the lit torches to represent that they are nothing but the Light was all that remained. Jesus was all that remained. God has been telling me this same thing. Ever since I heard a preaching over this passage, God has been working in my heart. It is not the size of the army that has come to Latvia or the team that is assembled here, because our God, our Commander, is in control. He will take care of His army. Also, I need to remain like the broken jar. Yes, a jar is clear, but if you but a jar over light, doesn't it make it dim? Doesn't it hold back the fullest potential a light can give? Therefore, my jar must be broken. My flesh must be broken so that God can shine His light to His fullest potential. I cannot get in the way of what the Lord wants to do. That is my prayer, my hearts cry. I want to get out of the way and let the Lord work. I want to continue to trust and believe that Jesus is ALL I NEED. I want to let my God, my beloved, pursue me every moment of every day. I want to be so in tune with His voice that when He whispers in my ear, go, I go. Or when He whispers, please just stay with me a little while longer, I stay and give my full attention to Him. I hope that at the end of these 2 years I am a changed person, my relationship with my Daddy is different, and that I have become more like Him. Would you pray with me about that? Thank you for your continued support and encouragement! It always brightens my day when I recieve a message or small post on facebook or email. :) Know that God is good! Not a day has been wasted here!!! Lai tev loti svetita diena! (Have a really blessed day!)

Esi laipni lugts Latvija!

Esi laipni lugts Latvija! Welcome to Latvia! Here I am in day 5 of being in Latvia and more and more everyday it feels like home. I have spent time learning the language (Latvian) and getting aquainted to the culture. I have had many traditional Latvian meals which usually consist of potatoes, ham, tomatoes, and bread with cheese. I have also eaten many eggs. I have drank lots of tea, more than I have in the last 3 months :) I have loved the weather which has been in the high 60s and at night in the 50s. I would say it is starting to get chilly already but I'm sure those dear Okies would say it already is cold. :) I love it! It could be a little warmer but I'm thankful for less than sweating all the time with heat in the 100s so I will not complain. :-) God is already doing many incredible things here! I praise Him for bring me here safely with all of my luggage, (minus a package of Reese peanut butter cups and gummy bears) and providing a place to stay. I am so thankful for the relationships He has blessed me with and continues to bless me with. On Sunday I got the privilege to see some dear friends in Riga (Lana and Valters) and it was so good for my heart to see their smiles, hug their necks, and enjoy that time with them. Here in Kuldiga, I have spent lots of time with Matiss and Ilze and this wonderful new friend Krista. I also met one girl Kristine on the street, that was a hug blessing to see this girl as she was the one with whom I shared my testimony with a year and a half ago. (check out earlier blog from August 2011). So far things are going so well. I have a place to sleep, food for my belly, and a warm shower with a God who loves me. Can't ask for much else. I am very thankful for those dear friends in my life that I have here and back home, without them this journey would be a lot more difficult. Thank you very much for being on this journey with me! Today you should know I was given a Latvian name, Alise, and it makes my heart very full to have the honor of given a Latvian name. :) I was also taught this important phrase, mani sauc Alise. Es esmu no Amerikas bet tagad dzivoju Kuldiga. (my name is Alise. I am from America but now I live in Kuldiga.) Some things you can pray for: 1. Tonight we will meet with CONNECTED team to plan this year for youth work. We will discuss next Friday's meeting and celebration as well as get a plan for the upcoming year. 2. Language! This is very important as I would love to be able to communicate in their heart language. Yes a lot of young people know English but I desire to reach them in the language they know best! 3. Pray for flat (apartment) situation, that God would provide furniture at a low cost or possibly free. Right now I have nothing but as God provides, I will be so thankful! 4. Matiss and Ilze are expecting a baby in December so please pray with me that all will continue to go well and baby Gloria will be a healthy girl coming into this world! Praises 1. Praise God for safe arrival and the relationships He has established! 2. For the team He has put togetger to reach the youth of Kuldiga and Latvia. 3. For a place to live, sleep, eat (and the food He has provided), and shower. :-) 4. The language learning that has already taken place. :D Thank you again for your support and prayers! Truly together we can reach more people and further His kingdom! :) Look for pictures soon!

What God taught me through Narnia :)

Today I watched the Chronicles of Narnia, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. As I was watching it and as it got towards the end, I realized a lot of correlation between it and the Gospel. For instance, this boy, Eustace, he is an only child who happens to be spoiled. He gets a little greedy and takes some gold and gets turned into a dragon. At first I was like, well, he got what was coming to him. Then as the movie progressed, the fact that he was a dragon came into a lot of use. There was a scene where he saved the boat from capsizing because he grabbed onto the stern (with his tail) and pulled the boat. Then there was another scene where he had to fight a sea monster and had an upper hand until some old man through a sword at him and scared him off. Then the next scene that comes up with the boy is when Azlin, (the Lion or "God" character) turns him back into a boy but because he had this certain sword stuck in his side, he was able to fulfill the plan by laying down he last needed sword on the table to take back the kingdom. Now, this is what it got me thinking. We all have bad stuff happen in our lives. We all go through different things that are bad, different seasons that are harder than the rest, but it all seems to be for a greater purpose. As I am in my last week here in the states it really got me thinking even more about my purpose in Latvia and life. Number 1 is ultimately to glorify God. I am to glorify Him with my worship, my time, my everything. My life is for Him. But then I look at the ministry purpose God has for me. I was reminded that everything happens for a greater purpose. Yes, sometimes we fall stupid to our mistakes and temptations, but ulitmately it all works out for His plans, especially when we are obedient. I was reminded about the stuff God has redeemed me from and the love and forgiveness God has placed in my heart. I was reminded that our lives are for a greater purpose than our little world of just me. I was reminded that even when we don't think about it, our choices and our life affects many other people. Another thing I got out of the movie was right after Eustace changes back from a dragon to a boy. Edmond, (one of the main characters) askes Eustace, what was it like when Azlin changed you back? Eustace responded with this statement. "No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't do it on my own. I needed His help." This is a daily reminder for me and especially with this new journey I am embarking on. I cannot, let me repeat that, I CANNOT do this on my own. No matter how hard I try, I WILL fail! But, it is Christ within me, leading me, guiding me, teaching me, molding me, who will succeed. Sometimes I get in my head, oh I got this. Wrong. Every move I make, every relationship God wants me to build, every opportunity to serve and love His children, I cannot do on my own. I must rely on His strength and His strength alone. I would ask that you join me in prayer for this specific thing. I know I'll need it. Thank you again for being on this incredible and wonderful journey with me! If you are reading this you have probably invested in a part of my life and I am forever grateful for that! I promise to keep you updated and post pictures and videos as times allows. :)

Bittersweet Blessings

Hello beautiful people! :) Today, as a church family, we celebrated the next step in this journey, relocating to Latvia. We worshiped together, prayed together, ate together, and studied the Word together. I continued to be overwhelmed at what the Lord is doing not only in my heart, but in this church body! I have seen this church grow from a few members meeting in the Event center, to families who are actively engaged in many aspects of helping this community feel God's love. It amazes me how much this body of believers loves and supports one another. And not just in my journey but in many other lives as well. I am reminded of the first series I remember Kenny preaching, Community. The graphic for this series was a beautiful tree on top and the roots on bottom. (Like usual duh :) ) Anyway, Kenny said this picutre represneted our lives. In a church, when we mesh all of our lives together it sometimes it can get messy. But when we work together as one, when we are walking through life as one, something beautiful is the outcome. I think I can say I am witnessing the something beautiful this church is creating! The way this church, this body of believers loves and supports each other, whether it be someones sick, injured, having a baby, or doing God's work, this church is always right there to support and love you. Even if you don't have a relationship established the center and focus is Jesus and that is all that matters! I am humbled and blessed to be a apart of something so beautiful and meaningful. I will truly miss worshipping our Savior with these people but I know God will allow me to carry them and what I've learned in my heart! I love you SCC family!!! Thank you for believing in me, encouraging me, and supporting me! I can confidently say you all play a huge and vital role in this journey! Thank you so much! I can't wait to see what the Lord is going to do in and through you all over the next 2 years! For those of you who don't know, here is a picture of the parting gift I was given today. Again, truly blessed by my SCC brothers and sisters!

A long over-due update

Well hey beautiful blog world! This update could be a long one with different updates. As you may or may not know, the next month will be filled with many "see ya laters", many hugs, probably some tears, lots of reflections, and much joy! I am about to embark on the next step of this amazing journey! The end of August I will walk on to a plane and fly miles to my new temporary home. I will be living in Kuldiga, Latvia spending every day building relationships and spreading God's love. Words cannot describe how excited and expectant I am! I am very humbled that Jesus would use someone like me to do something so great! I'm thankful for His grace! These past few weeks I've done a lot of reflecting. 5 years ago, I closed the door on a haunting part of my past. My step-dad was charged for his abuse and the word was out. I no longer carried that heavy burden on my own and yet I was still extremely insecure. If you knew me then, you knew I was the most comfortable when I was wearing a hoodie (hood up) and didn't reveal much skin. 5 years ago, I also decide to move to Oklahoma. Only God knew what was to come but I knew I couldn't fight the opportunity to move. I said "goodbye" to many aspects of my life I didn't like (the partying) and said "see ya later" to people whom were dear to my heart. I made a choice to move to a place I didn't know anyone and didn't really know what my future would hold. 3 years ago, I came back from my first 35-day mission trip to Peru. During that summer I said "goodbye" to my own life. I made a promise to God from that day forward I would try my best to glorify Him every day. I was learning that meant I had to lay down my own desires, lay down the things that brought me instant gratification, lay down my plans and pick up His. I was learning that I needed to trust Him with my life for He had a better plan. I was learning to trust God as my Father and trust those people around me. I had to say "goodbye" to my insecurities and "hello" to a life exposed to God and other people. 2 years ago- I said "goodbye" to another layer of insecurity. I learned that to move forward with the life God had for me, I had to forgive my step-dad. I had to say "goodbye" to the hold he had on my life and truly let go and let God love. Layer after layer, God kept purifying my heart to draw me closer to Him. This happened while I was processing and having to say, "see ya later" to my best friend and roommate. She was leaving the country and I had come to the realization that she wasn't leaving me. I had to realize that even though people come and go, people may not always be in your daily life, but Jesus is. I had to learn even more what it meant to rely on Him first, last, and always! I could feel in my heart a big change was coming, but I didn't know what. 1 year ago- I said "see ya later" to one of the greatest blessings of friendship I have been graciously given. I spent 3 weeks with a friend, serving God, and becoming sisters. I fought it in my heart to open up, but God kept using her to gently remind me it's okay to let people see the very core of who I am. Because who my soul reflects, is Jesus. And the best way for people to see Jesus in my life, is to let them see the very core of who I am. I only recently came to this revelation, as I was reflecting back in last summer. It's a challenge still to this day to let people look into my eyes when I share my heart. But God used my friend to help me realize that when I look someone in the eye, and let them see my heart, hopefully they don't see me, they see Jesus. Also, I realized when I came home last summer, I needed to say "goodbye" to my original idea of teaching in a classroom. Things were messed up with my degree, but that's when God staring showing me the next big change in my life, moving to Latvia. I had to say "goodbye" to my flesh not wanting to leave my niece and nephews, and say "hello" to the legacy this will set for them. Now- I am packing my bags, cleaning out my closets, and saying "goodbye" to "The 15". I am saying "goodbye" to a place that has been my temporary home for the past 4 years. I'm saying "see ya later" to people who have become my family. To people who have impacted my life more than words can express. A church that truly reflects that church is more than a building. A community group who I can count on for laughter, edifying conversations, and prayer support at any moment. I'm saying "see ya later" to coworkers who have seen me grow as an employee and a person. To a group who has laughed with me in our hardest days and breathed a sigh of relief when they were over. A group that has challenged me to be a witness when the world says likewise. I'm saying "see ya later" to many things and people that God has used as vessels and tools to radically change my life and surrender to Him. So as you can imagine, this next month here in Oklahoma will be filled with many things. I am beyond blessed at the group of people who have supported me, challenged me, watched me grow, held my hand when needed, hugged me, laughed with me, cried with me, an ultimately believed in me! I cannot thank any one person enough so I will only continue to strive to pass it forward and change the world one heart at a time. I believe through Jesus this is possible! Thank you for reading. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for believing in me!

The fall of Jericho

Joshua 6. The fall of Jericho. I won't put all the scriptures in here, you should definitely read it for yourself! But I'll fill you in on the basis. Joshua and his army are camped outside Jericho. He had already sent spies in an Rahab had helped them, thus her live as well as her families lives, will be spared. A commander of the Lords army appears before Joshua and gives very descriptive institutions. Instructions on how many people should walk around Jericho, in what order, and how many times. He was also told that te armies should not make a sound until the 7th day. So they must walk around Jericho and not say a word until the Lord has commanded them. They do as their told and on the 7th day, they sound their trumpets, make their shouts and the walls of Jericho come tumbling down. They seize the city an burn everything sparing Rehab's family and all the silver, gold, bronze and iron. The Lord gains victory again through the act of obedience. This got me thinking. Could I be that patient? Knowing the enemy was just on the other side of those walls, knowing that in just a few days I would get to shout and charge forth, could I be patient to wait? Then it hit me. Can I be patient now? Am I being patient now? Am I being obedient and surrendering my fleshy desires to "jump the gun" and be patient on the Lord? Often I find myself wanting to speed things up. I find myself wanting to work on my timetable. But that's not how God works. If things would go my way, I'd be lost in some country or some other state probably married multiple times with lots of kids. Ha. Maybe not but I have looked back and wondered and it's very possible. If things would happen on my time, my plans, I would miss so much of the here and now. I would miss so much of God's glory and His shining moments! You see, I was reminded today to be obedient to what God has laid out for me. He has a plan, I need only to follow it. I was reminded today to surrender my fleshy desires, and often that helps with battling the lies. I was reminded to be patient, live in the here and now. God's plans for my life will always be here, but some things won't. I'm reminded to take it one step at a time. Enjoy the moments I have with people here. Savor my friendships, those moments is laughter, tears, stillness, and just plain silliness. I'm reminded that I know God wins Jericho, but I will learn to trust Him more on my walk around the city as learn to be patient and wait for His voice to say Go! Shout! So until then, I'll walk, step by step in obedience. There will be moments I will fail, there will be moments I will stumble, but I am thankful to have a loving and faithful God to pull me up! I'm thankful He places people in my path to offer a warm hug, a loving smile, encouragement, and a challenging word. :-)

Joshua 1 and Encouragement

Hello world,
I know some of you may be anticipating the post about the future. Some details are still "under construction" but I can tell you, I know, I am confident that the Lord has called me back to Latvia longer term. I am currently looking at late August to take a trip back there and moving forward with those plans. Like I said, the details are in the works and I will share more as I get things set in stone. Now I had to give you this short synopsis in order for this post to make sense. Now that you know some of that, let's get started. :)

The other night I had a dream, a very vivid dream. A dear friend was in the dream and in it, she sent me the scripture Psalm 143:7-8. I don't remember much from the dream but I remember her giving me the scripture and then me searching frantically for those verses but I could not find them. So when I woke up the next morning, the dream was still fresh in my mind, so I grabbed my bible and looked up these verses. Here they are:
"Answer me quickly, LORD; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life." Psalm 143:7-8

Now as I read this and prayed about this, the verse that stuck out to me was 8. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life. As I prepare for the future, I know I cannot do this on my own. I know I cannot get back to Latvia on my own plans and my own strength. But I do know that I trust God. I trust the plan He has for me and as He shows me what next step to take, I will boldly and in trust, take that next step. I know there will be moments on this journey that will be exhausting, there will be moments where I may feel defeated or may be overwhelmed, but as I read His word, as Psalm 143 tells me, it is there I will find His unfailing love and His plan for me. :) That's a great promise! :) Then last night I felt in my heart to start studying Joshua again. I read the first chapter and that was all I needed. I will post them here and then tell you all of my revelations. :)

After the death of Moses the servant of the LORD, the LORD said to Joshua son of Nun, Moses’ aide: “Moses my servant is dead. Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them—to the Israelites. I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses. Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the great river, the Euphrates—all the Hittite country—to the Mediterranean Sea in the west. No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them.
“Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

So Joshua ordered the officers of the people: “Go through the camp and tell the people, ‘Get your provisions ready. Three days from now you will cross the Jordan here to go in and take possession of the land the LORD your God is giving you for your own.’”

But to the Reubenites, the Gadites and the half-tribe of Manasseh, Joshua said, “Remember the command that Moses the servant of the LORD gave you after he said, ‘The LORD your God will give you rest by giving you this land.’ Your wives, your children and your livestock may stay in the land that Moses gave you east of the Jordan, but all your fighting men, ready for battle, must cross over ahead of the other Israelites. You are to help them until the LORD gives them rest, as he has done for you, and until they too have taken possession of the land the LORD your God is giving them. After that, you may go back and occupy your own land, which Moses the servant of the LORD gave you east of the Jordan toward the sunrise.”

Then they answered Joshua, “Whatever you have commanded us we will do, and wherever you send us we will go. Just as we fully obeyed Moses, so we will obey you. Only may the LORD your God be with you as he was with Moses. Whoever rebels against your word and does not obey it, whatever you may command them, is to be put to death. Only be strong and courageous!”

Many things stuck out to me in these verses.
1. "Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful." In here it says, be careful to obey.....then it talks about success. Now we could go into a whole post about what is success, but that's not the point. But what is the point is that obedience must come first. You, or I, cannot wait for success first to then say, "okay Lord, now I'll be obedient". No, obedience must come first, then success will follow. I know what God has called me to do, so now I must be obedient. Step by step, each one is a step of obedience. :) Thanks AweStar :)
2. "Have I not commanded you?" This is when the Lord was speaking to Joshua. So when it says, "have I not commanded you" the I who is speaking is the Lord. When small glimpses of selfishness set in, I must remember this verse. Hasn't the Lord commanded me to go? I must be obedient! I think I have some understanding of where a disobedient life gets you, but now that I have a deeper understanding for the call on my life, I would really hate to see where a disobedient life would get me now. NO place I want to be for sure. The LORD, the One whose plans cannot fail, has commanded me to go! I think I will trust His plans, not my own!
3. The third and last thing for tonight. In the first chapter which consists of 18 verses, it says be strong and courageous 4 times! I think if something is repeated, and especially 4 times in one chapter, the author must really mean it. As I read this, I felt the Lord tenderly speaking to me, BE STRONG AND COURAGEOUS Alesha! Be strong in the Lord! Be courageous to trust the Lord! Take that next step in faith and charge forward with what God has commanded you!

So as I wrap this up, thanks for hanging in with me for this long post. But I have a great confidence in this. I know that with each step, I must be obedient. God isn't going to show me the whole picture at once, but step by step, walk in obedience! I know who has commanded me! The God whose plans never fail, whose love is unfailing, and the One who cannot be defeated! And now that I know who has commanded me, I must obediently walk with His strength and His courage! :)

This Much is True, There's No Life a Part From YOU! :)

Chao friends and family!

I know some of you have been eagerly anticipating this blog post so I will try my best to recap the rest of the trip and communicate to you what God spoke to my heart while I was there.

I'll come back to that Tuesday night in Kuldiga. We spent the evening enjoying each other's company over some pizza and funny youtube videos. Then we came together to plan some CONNECTED nights, (what they call their youth group) and spent time in prayer and worship. This worship time was so incredible! It was only 4 of us, but God's presence was very alive and very real!! It was an intimate time with the Lord and I truly believe He heard every single word we cried out to Him! May God continue to do incredible things in the CONNECTED team and in their youth!

Then on Wednesday, I spent the morning walking around Kuldiga one last time and using the opportunity to prayer-walk. I also made a few videos for all my Facebook friends to enjoy. :) Then I headed over to the Upitis's flat for lunch and sharing of our hearts one last time. It was during this time Matiss shared his vision for my role in CONNECTED if God were to move me to Kuldiga, Latvia. I didn't respond with much but listened with an open heart and let all these things sink in. I wanted to be able to process with God and let Him lead me. It was a really good time to hear Matiss and Ilze's vision for CONNECTED and match it up with what God is speaking to my heart. This I will share at a later time :)

Then I took a long bus ride back to Riga but used the time to do some extra journaling and reading. Upon my arrival in Riga, I had to navigate an unfamiliar part of town to get to Linda's work to get her keys. I remember praying in my head, "Jesus, I have no idea where I am and which is the right direction. But I will take each step trusting you will guide my sense of direction." And sure enough within 2 minutes I was in a familiar place and headed to Linda's work. Praise God for His Spirit to tenderly lead me!!! I was so thankful! The trek to Linda's job and then to her flat was all about 45 minutes, and by the time I arrived after climbing 4 flights of stairs, my hiking bag and backpack seemed really heavy! Ha. I was ready to shed those pounds but was reminded of the burden of the cross. It just doesn't compare. I then spent the next hour resting and organizing my bag for the journey home the next day. I received a message that one friend, Valters, would be awaiting my presence downstairs and that he would lead me to Lana. :) I was pleasantly surprised when we reached Lana and there was Veronika, another dear friend I met. We went to Tokyo City (I think) to eat Sushi and Kristaps A, Kristaps K, and Linda later joined us. It was the perfect way to spend my last night in Latvia. Enjoying the company of dear friends whom I have come to love and now dearly miss. The night was full of laughs, precious moments with hugs, and encouraging conversations. There are many things about this night that I will remember but the most important and most meaningful to my heart, were the relationships that were formed, the hearts that were bonded, and the love that was shared. There is something about friendships but it runs deeper when it is between believers. :) God has an incredible way of showing His love through brothers and sisters in Christ!

The evening ended with prayer time with Kristaps, Kristaps, and Linda. (I've never felt so covered in prayer as I have before, during, and after this trip! Praise God!!) Linda and I went up stairs and spent some time talking and enjoying our last evening together for awhile. This friendship is so dear to my heart and I cannot thank God enough for this blessing! :) The next morning we got up and took our time getting ready. We shared special moments between the 2 of us as sisters and soaked up every minute we could together. :) And I did really well in not crying, almost. :) Then, with the help of an amazing friend, Kristaps K, we walked/took a bus to the airport. He was super great and carried my big and heavy bag so I wouldn't have to! He's such a great guy. Not only that, but he helped me check in to the airline and then sat at the airport with me for about an hour so I wouldn't be alone the whole time! It was an awesome time of conversation and so encouraging yet again! Even the friendship with Kristaps, totally not an expected part of the trip, but definitely a big blessing. He made me laugh many times throughout the trip, brought me out of my shell in playing the games, and encouraged me through God-honoring conversations! So blessed!

The journey home was a bittersweet one. I was sad to say "see ya later", humbled by the opportunity to return, and looking forward to sharing all that God had done. These first few days being home I have tried not saying much to God or to others, at times this is very difficult, but I really desire for only God's voice to be left in my heart. Take aside all of the emotions, some bad but mostly good, of the trip, take aside my own desires, and let God's voice resonate louder and clearer than anything else. Please continue to pray this with me as well as continuing to pray for the hearts of the Latvian people! God really is doing an incredible thing in that country and I pray His people, His children, open their hearts to respond to what He is telling them!

I think that is all for tonight, I'm tired and not sure where to go from here. :) But I promise, you keep being patient with me and I will keep sharing with you. :) It's crazy to think that I never dreamed I would be on this journey. But I know God has a plan for me and my life. A far bigger plan than I ever imagined! He has a journey for you as well. May He reveal His plan for your life. It probably won't all come at once, but step by step, listen for His voice. Watch for the path that He lights up, and trust that He is in control and His plans can never fail! :)

Much love to all! And remember, Jesus loves you! :)

Šodien ir skaista diena!

As I sit here and write this, I'm trying to fight back the tears. How can I put into words what my heart has felt these last 2 weeks? How can express the love and thanks in my heart? How can I share with you all, the unspoken love betweens believers? How can you tangibly show something that is not seen? I will try my best, so bear with me through the tears and prayers that God will reveal what He has spoken to me.

Maybe I'll start with the last few days. I spent Sunday evening until this afternoon in Liepaja. I met up with an incredible family and they have become so dear to my heart. When I arrived in Liepaja they were having a big extended family celebration. I would be joining in with the festivities and so of course there was a lot of food! Good food I must add! I tasted and like 3 different types of cakes and enjoyed the company of many. It reminded me a lot of being with my family. Many kids running around and the parents are catching up on life, sharing many laughs, and just enjoying being in each others company. I spent most of those few hours playing with the kids. It seems that with kids, it doesn't matter if you don't speak their language, they just want to feel your love! That I can do. So I played catch over the table, which I thought I would be in so much trouble if I did this growing up. Ha. But they didn't seem to mind. The kids were runnin all over and I think everyone was happy to seem the kids happy. This one little girl attached to my side and wanted to leave with me. Her smile melted my heart. Then that evening I went to the Bastiks' home and played with little Filip and enjoyed encouraging conversations about what God is doing in our lives. So encouraged by all the conversation I had! Yesterday morning I woke up and enjoyed Latvian pancakes, pankūkas, (I think it was an answer to pray because I definitely prayed for an opportunity to eat them again!) :) an spent the day with Lasma and the 2 precious children. Zane and her friend, Andra joined us in the afternoon and we all took a walk to enjoy the beautiful day! It really was a beautiful day and more than just the weather! Then 2 girls that Lasma spends time pouring into stopped by the house and God blessed me with an opportunity to share with one of them. Its so amazing how God continues to open doors for conversations even feom the unexpected! That evening I cooked one of my favorite meals, chicken with poor mans potatoes and a salad with tomatoes. The only difference I would have don would be to grill it instead of cooking in the oven. But it was still delicious! Loti garšīgi! The time cooking together and having fellowship with one another, really was a great way to build relationships! We shared many things and even taught each other a few things about cooking. I loved it! :)
Then today I woke up, after little sleep because we stayed up late talking, (side note-one of the mos precious things, little Filip fell asleep on my lap while watching worship videos! :) just melted my heart!) and enjoyed yet another Latvian breakfast! Oh they eat such tasty food here! Then had a few hours to hang out with the whole family again before heading back to Kuldīga. so many blessings in Liepaja, how to express them all.
Blessing number 1: Zane. I have mentioned her before. She was the girl at the School of Worship that helped me adjust to life here in Latvia. I knew her only through Linda before coming here but God really blessed my heart through her while I was here. Sometimes there are just those people that you meet and the world seems alright. She was definitely one of those people. I truly believe God had a plan all along that we would spend as much time together as we did. I thought maybe one day we would hang out but by God's plans, I was blessed to spend all or part of 5 days here in Latvia! I believe this is a friendship that will definitely last and if God moves me to Latvia, I can see He has already provided some amazing dear friends!
Blessing number 2: the Bastiks family. This summer I feel like I only saw a glimpse into their lives. The 4 of us leaders stayed in their home, but we didn't get to see much of their lives. I had a few talks with Karlis but not really with Lasma. This time was so different! I loved every minute of spending time with them! Their whole family! (they have 2 kids, little Filip and precious Aviga) God really opened the doors for conversations with Lasma and gettin to hear the desires He has placed in her heart. God has anointed this family to do an incredible ministry and I pray God continues to open those doors for way He wants done in Liepaja! It is such a blessing to know them and to know I can call them friends and family! God is already providing just an incredible support system if I were to move here, it makes me feel so humbled!

This evening, back in Kuldiga, I honestly felt like I was coming home. This is where my heart is, Kuldīga. I think I will wait to share these thoughts at another time. I will say it was an INCREDIBLE night of prayer and worship! I am still processing and that is why I want to wait to share. God had definitely anointed Matiss and Ilze for this work in Kuldīga! I can see His hand on their lives and in their work! Their heart is for the youth, these young people in Kuldīga and I believe that God will do a mighty work through them!! Hallelujah! Praise God for their surrender and obedience to Him!! :D my heart just doesn't have words!!

Tomorrow I will head back to Riga and spend some time with friends one last time. Then Thirsday I will get up early and start my journey back to the states. It's a bittersweet one. (again fighting the tears) please pray for safe travels and that I wouldn't shut down ministry wise. There are always opportunities to share Gods love, even on the planes or in airports. Pray that God would continued to be glorified in all situations!

Love you guys! :) Thank you so much for your prayers and support! From the bottom of my heart, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Es gribu est! :)

Chao dear ones!
The title of this blog is one of the new phrases I've learned but I've been told it's one of the most important. I want to eat! :) Es gribu est! Over these past few days I have learned a lot of new phrases. Es gribu est is fun to say! :)

Since the last time I have posted a lot of incredible and encouraging things have happened! Thursday evening I went to the bible study that David was leading (missionary from Chicago) and it was cool to see what God is doing! Only a few came, but those who were there we're listening closely to what he had to say. You could see that they wanted to learn and wanted to be challenged by the Word. They are currently studying the book of John and in this particular one David challenged them to think about Jesus and was he being prideful when telling the Jewish leaders he was God, or was he humble about it? Then David challenged the youth to really think about what does it mean when God says "I AM who I AM". This really even challenged me to think the same, what does it really mean?

Then on Friday I took the morning to really rest and spend time with God. Being in the city that stole my heart this summer, Kuldīga, I know it is very important to truly rest in the Fathers' hands and listen for His still small voice. Then I met Matiss and Ilze for lunch, only 1.40 lats, and you get a good size piece of meat, lots of potatoes with gravy, some type of salad and dessert! Cheap and filling! And good I must add! After lunch I spent some time with Ilze again and we walked around all of Kuldīga talking with one anothe and walking a baby. This family is experiencing some hard times to Ilze is helping out by taking the baby some few hours a week and Friday was one of those days. Even here in Latvia my nanny skills were put to use :) in the afternoon one of the girls in the youth met up with us and it was cool to talk with her for a little bit. Starting to build these relationships, it was almost natural. That evening was the youth service. It was a small group, but you could tell they genuinely wanted to be there and they enjoyed conversing with one another. We had some worship time and Matiss hated some Word and then He asked me to share some of my testimony. I didn't know exactly what I woul share but I prayed that God would use it to reveal Himself in a way that would touch their hearts. It was interesting how in sharing my testimony, God really took control and shared it in a new way. I shared things with them that maybe even some of my closest friends don't know. And at the end I challenged them to really see that God was with them and gave each and every one of them a story. I just really feel like God spoke through me because I don't rember everything I said. I pray that God would continue to speak to their hearts over this time and they would truly know what it means to feel His love. I don't care if they ever remember my name or my face, I just pray they experience the blessing of feeling God's presence in their lives!
Which leads me to today. Today was so encouraging. Matiss and Ilze had a wedding in Riga and so I took the opportunity to make a day trip to Ventspils to see some friends! I went through my morning routine and it was like natural to b in a flat by myself and walk to the bus station. I successfully purchased a bus ticket to Ventspils and got off at the right place! In Ventspils, 3 dear friends were waiting for me with smiles and lots of hugs! I spent the next 6 hours just building those relationships and being so encouraged by what God is doing there! Today at their church was a cleaning day and so when we arrived there, they heard I was an American and they offered more snacks then I could eat and warm coffee. :) it's always so encouraging to see believers working together to serve their God as they washed windows and cleaned the church. I even pitched in a little and cut flyers for their Easter service. Then we went and ate lung and went to one person's flat an had dessert. One thing about Latvians, they eat a lot, (although they are very small) and they seem to always eat dessert! But while at my friends's flat, another friend of ours showed up! It was a sweet reunion and an afternoon full of love! I love how God bonds the hearts of His children even through the distance an time. :) we decided to then venture to the sea, even though it was so cold! And then ended the afternoon with tea and cookies :)
But what really blessed my heart about this time in Ventspils, is hearing them talk about what they learned from our team being there this summer. With hotels being very expensive here, we ended up staying with host families. Now I realized the benefits and disadvantages to this from our side. Benefit: we get to experience more of the Latvian culture than say just in a hotel. Disadvantage: we don't get as much team time. But what was cool to hear, was a Latvians side of things. Because we stayed with them, the host families got to see that even though the students were tired or maybe wanted to talk, they spent time with God. They were in the Word daily, they were journaling, and they were constantly praying to God. Yes this I something AweStar teaches, but by the end of the summer, these students lives are changed and through that, these youth in Ventspils we stayed with, their lives were changed as well! I cannot describe how encouraged that made me feel! It was a good reminder that our lives really are examples for others. Our every action and how we choose to spend our time and how we live our lives, truly can lead someone to God. It can draw them closer to Him if only we choose to make Him a priority in our lives! Aaaaaaaa loti labi! So good! :) like I said so encouraged!!!

Whew, I think that is enough for this night, it is getting late here and well tonight is when they observe daylights savings time so we will lose an hour. I would ask for you to pray for continued rest and health. Pray that tomorrow as I travel to Liepaja everything would go smoothly and as God wants it to. Pray for continued hearts to be open and opportunities to share His love. Praise God for endless opportunity to pray for His people here! Everyday as I walk I believe is another piece of land covered in prayer! Pray that God would draw his people to His heart and they would be willing to respond!
Thank you again for your prayers! Liels paldies!!!! Thank you for being a part of this journey with me and watching God work. Your prayers have been felt in my heart each an evey day! Much love from Latvia! Arlabunakti! (goodnight)

Kūldiga, the memories are coming back

Chao!
Today is Thursday and I can't believe a week has come and gone. I feel like so much has happened in the past week! I saw God move in great ways, I heard Him speak tenderly to my heart, and I've seen some of the emptiness in the eyes of those I've walked by. I've enjoyed some really great and encouraging conversations, had some sweet and intimate prayer time, and rested in our Fathers' presence! I want to update you all I'm just not sure where to go with this post. There are many things I could tell you but everytime I try to write, my words leave me and I am left with nothing.
Tuesday and Wedensday were days of rest. I stayed with Linda in Riga and she had to work both these days so it was a lot of time spent by myself. I would wake up early in the mornings and make Linda her coffee, (the first day I forgot the sugar, oops) but I learned :) then after she would leave for work, I would go back to sleep. These days while staying with her it was nice to truly rest. My heart was at ease and I woke up everyday feeling well rested. It's interesting how when you are in the presence of those you love and feel connected to, even the unknown feels okay. I think this is how it was with Linda. Maybe yes I wasn't always with her but knowing I was in her home, and I would see her again in the evening, my heart felt at home with my sister. :) Praise God!
Okay, so, then I basically spent these days exploring. As you saw from the videos and the Facebook updates, I took the initiative to see what life would be like on my own here. Thankfully, there are a lot of people who spoke English when I needed to order something, but I feel the desire in my heart to really want to communicate in their heart language. I know this will come with time. I spent these days walking and praying, saw new parts of the city and just walked until I got cold. On Tuesday evening I went to the shop and bought some things for dinner and made macaroni with sausages and peppers and tomatoes and dill, Protams! (of course). It was interesting as I didn't know what anything was so I just cooked something and ate it. I think it was okay but not the best that I've ever made. Then Linda would come home and we would talk for a little bit and then go to bed. So, this is how I spent my last few days. Adjusting to the culture here, catching up on sleep, and spending lots of time in prayer.
Last night I drove to Kūldiga with one guy David who is a missionary here and we had really
good conversations. He gave me some really good advice and things maybe he would do differently. It was encouraging to hear that it is possible to come here, but it will definitely require some work and sacrifice, but nothing is impossible with God leading. I'm really thankful for that time to spend with him and the conversations we had!
Now today, I am in Kūldiga and have enjoyed a cheap but delicious and filling Latvian lunch, conversations with the lovely Ilze and now updating you all. Maybe today's post wasn't as interesting as the others but I wanted to fill you in and update you. Tonight I will be attending the bible study they have with the youth here. This will be good to see how things are done here. Tomorrow evening we will have the youth service and Matiss has asked me to share some things. I would ask that you would pray for that time. That you would pray for God to give me the words He wants His people to hear. That those who would come would be open to His word and receive that message of love in their hearts. Pray that this time in Kūldiga would be answering to prayers, no matter the direction I get from here. Praise God for all the incredible things He has done this far! Praise Him for His love and unending grace and mercy! Praise His name just because He is God! :)

Oh one more thing! Praise God that today is so beautiful! Šodien ir skaista diena! Ļoti skaista! The sun is shining and the weather is beautiful! Maybe some 50 degrees! :)

I love you all! Thinking of you often! I can't wait until I have the words to express what is in my heart! :) thank you again for your prayers!

God is so Good!

Hello friends!
Now that I have had more sleep and it's in the afternoon I will try to write more about the trip. I am writing this on my phone so I apologize in advance for any autocorrects :)

As I stated before, I have met some incredible people! God has allowed for new relationships to form and the old ones to deepen! There have been very few times where I haven't felt at peace but overall, God has placed some incredible people in my path! Yesterday I woke up from the best sleep I've gotten in weeks! I had the best shower ever! Then I was blessed with Latvian pancakes or crepes as we call them in America. I enjoyed a tour of Old Town Riga and the company of 2 dear fiends Lana and Zane. We shared many laughs and I am very thankful for the time I was blessed by their presence. We then went to church where Riga's Gospel choir was a special guest. We also heard several testimonies from people and we were challenged by the speaker who shared the message, (also my friend Kristaps) to check ourselves and how we define success. Is it money or is our treasure and success found in Jesus?
After church I then headed to get some coffee and sweets with Linda and enjoyed more Conversations about what God is doing in our lives with Linda and Kristaps. These are 2 dear people I met this summer and it was so encouraging to share the new things that are happen as well as pray about the future! God is so good!

Today so far has been a day or rest. A day to quietly sit before the Lord, sit at His feet and allow Him to speak to my heart what he wants to say. I haven't said much, I've just tried to listen. I walked around Riga a little, got lost for a little bit, :) but with the help of a nice Latvian found my way. I just finished eating lunch with Linda and now am updating you all!

One more thing before I tell you what I learned about worship. There was a community group that made me a card for everyday I would be gone. Every single day I have randomly selected a card and read it and been so encouraged! Each day the card has seemed to fit every situation perfectly! There was one were my flesh was like, this isn't the plan...and in the card it said, "you are exactly where God wants you". Perfect! Instantly my heart was at peace! Many affirming moments like that to help show me, God is in control and He is guiding my every step, even when things don't go as I have "planned". :)

So, now on to worship. My worship for God has gone to anew level. It is deeper and more in tune with Him than ever before! I realized something when I was worshipping at the camp, it doesn't matter the language you sing in, it doesn't matter if you know the words, all that matters is who you are worshipping! Yes, I have learned to song along to some Latvian and some Russian songs, but I don't always know what they mean. But my heart does understand they are songs about my God, our God and how great and majestic He is! He is worthy of all our praise just because He is God! So I left my voice, empty my hands, now my heart to Him and offer my life back to Him! I cannot even put into words what my heart has felt and how the Spirit has moved in me!!!!!!! But it's the most incredible experience I've ever encountered! One night at the school of worship, we were worshipping and we were on our last song, but God's Spirit was so alive and moving that 3 hours later, (2am) :) we finally ended our "worship" time! Talk about being a part of something incredible! As I sat there to take it all in, I was in awe of the power of God. I was in awe at how alive God was! I was overwhelmed by His presence and was broken for my own selfish desires. Then people started praying with and for other people, oh man, my heart is so full of joy even just thinking about it again! I'm so thankful to have experienced such an event and I'm more than blessed already by these first few days! :)

Thank you all for your prayers! Thank you for your continued support! And thank you for being on this journey with me and believing in what God has placed in my heart! Please keep the prayers coming, that I would be at the right place at the right time, and that would be exactly where God wants me! :) pray for the Latvians to see where their true freedom lies, in the Only One who can heal, restore, and change lives!
And maybe you could pray that my mind would continue to seek to learn the language, as this is a hard task.

Thanks again for everything! Praying for you all as well! :)
Much love from Latvia!

First few days in Latvia

Hey friends and family!
I cannot even explain all the thoughts in my heart! But I will start with this; I am happy, I am healthy, and I am safe! God is so good and is in complete control of this trip. After my last post, I boarded a plane and sat next to a very interesting Swedish couple and a nice American man. We didn't talk much, it was an overnight flight and thus we all wanted to sleep, but I arrived safely in Stockholm around 7:30am or 1:30 am central. :) I then had 8 hours to do whatever I wanted. I originally though about leaving the airport but it turns out that this particular airport is in the middle of nowhere. :) so I had lots of Jesus time, slept a little, experienced some delicious but expensive coffee and prayed a lot for what was to come. Then I safely arrived in Riga at about 6 pm and was pleasantly surprised to see my friend Linda at the airport! (I was not expecting her to be there) I was greeted with lots of hugs and flowers. :) we then headed to a lodge type place where a school of worship was taking place. Here they worshiped a lot, had prayer time, and each member of the band taught some practical and spiritual lessons over their specific role in the band. I will say the first night I was a bit overwhelmed. Being tired and hearing nothing but a foreign language, was difficult to adjust to. But thankfully with the help of a dear friend Zane, I survived the first night! It's interesting how worshiping or focusing on God will always take away your worries!
I cannot even tell you all that God has taught me in these few days. But I can say this. From the very beginning this trip has never been about me. This was replaced in my heart as my flesh struggled with the unknown. Yes I had a few interpreters and yes some people spoke English, but when you immerse yourself fully into a culture and are not fluent in the language, it's hard. But God spoke to me and gently reminded me that this journey is not about me. I must focus on Him and what He has called me to do and all else will fall in place. I have a peace about me but daily conversations are hard. Things I took for granted, like even sharing a laugh with a familiar face, yea I won't take it for granted anymore. God is speaking to my heart through many people and situations! It's so encouraging even when I don't always understand!
I have met some incredible people! These relationships in themselves are such a blessing from God. Today I traveled to Riga, where I will stay for a few days and had lots of laughs, even with the language barrier. Adjustment is happening.
Oh I also met one girl at the School of Worship who is from Tulsa! We only live 10-15 mi ites from each other but it took us both going to Latvia to meet one another! God is good! He works in mysterious ways!
I think I am no longer making sense because it is very late here but I wanted to update you and tell you all that I'm alive and healthy :) and joyful! Much love!
I think the next post will have to do with worship! Like I said God is teaching me many many things

Please continue to pray for open doors in my heart as well as the heart of the Latvians. Pray that God would continue to lead my path and I would follow his voice!

Thoughts, feelings, emotions!

This is it. The time has come. The day is here. No more waiting. No more questioning "Is this for real?" this is it. And this blog is a glimpse into my heart at this very moment!
I can't even describe how BLESSED I feel! I left Tulsa knowing with complete confidence I have a great big family praying for me! My church family, closest friends, family across the country and family across the world! The enemy will not have victory over this trip because there are tons of people bonded together as prayer warriors! If that doesn't give me peace than I'm crazy! :)
Last night i stayed with a cousin I haven't seen in like 10 years! It was a sweet reunion! I got to meet her wonderful kids, eat pizza (very American!) and enjoy the catching up conversations! Oh yea, and had Dunkin Donuts this morning! :) it's funny how time flies and how crazy life can be, but thankful that love runs deep and no matter the years between, that love is still strong! :)
It's weird you know, traveling without a team of people with me. It's weird not having a "MOM and POP" count, it's weird to know that if I have a funny thouht, I share it with...myself :) but I know I don't travel alone. I can feel the presence of Jesus with me. I can feel him calming my heart beat saying it's all going to be okay! I know my God is with me wherever I go! :)

Of course I am also very excited! :) tomorrow this time I will be in Latvia, already have hugged several familiar and new faces. By this time tomorrow I believe God will have already done some incredible things! (I mean he already has, the fact I'm in this airport now is a testimony to that!) I believe incredible things are in store! I will have had 7 hours in an airport and learning to explore this big world on my own. I will have successfully ;) survived me first foreign travel experience. I that that's a major feat in itself! :) yea, I'm a little excited! :D

Well I could ramble forever but I'm going to get a snack, and journal some. Love you all and I'll try my best to keep this blog updated! :) see ya on the other side of the world!

The anticipation is building...

So many thoughts, so little words. As the trip nears, almost a week away, I have many thoughts in my heart! Mostly thoughts of excitement and expectancy! I am so excited to see what God is going to do on this trip and I'm very expectant that something beyond my wildest dreams will happen. But if I'm honest, my nerves may be going crazy too. I've never traveled this far by myself, I've always had a team of crazy hooligans (or AweStar family) :) to be with. No relying on MOM and POP counts to make sure everyone is there. No going "exploring" in groups of 4. And no one to wake me up on the plane when it's time to eat! :) ha! But, I know I'm not traveling alone. Joshua 1:9 says "have I not commanded you? Do not be afraid for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go!" I know that God has called me to go. I confidently believe that God has called me back to love on people who have stolen His heart, and mine. I know that God has commanded me to go. So as I prepare, I fight the nerves, I let God silence the doubts and the worries, and I rest knowing that I have the Best Friend to experience this adventure with! God will and is with me every step of the way and I couldn't ask for anything else! He makes it all worth it no matter what the outcome is! :)