A glimpse into my weekend, reasons to be thankful!

Let us start with Friday, shall we. :) Last Friday, we had an awesome night at Connected. We had probably the fewest amount of people but that doesn't matter. I believe everyone's heart was yearning for God and that is the important part. We played a few games which included, through only asking questions trying to figure out what name was taped on your back. I was Batman. And then a "minute to win it" game where I feel like I made a fool out of myself trying to knock a soda can off a table using only a ball with a string tied around my waste. Then we had some time to fellowship and do what Latvian's love best, drink tea and eat cookies. :D I can really see where God is building trust among relationships and some doors are opening for sharing truth in lives. It is a slow process but I am believing the end result will be worth it! Then we got in a circle and talked about worship. We discussed the story of Mary washing Jesus' feet with using the questions David gave us last week about how to study the bible. And of course, this led into extended worship and prayer time. One of my favorite moments was when I looked up and saw a few students with their face on the floor worshipping. I love to worship God and I love to see others surrender the "thoughts" of those around them to worship Him as well! It was really a blessed time! I felt rejuvinated and refreshed! Then I woke up early on Saturday to catch a bus to Riga. My plan was to sleep on this almost 3 hour bus trip since I had gotten so little sleep the night before but I was too joyful to sleep. :) So I took out my bible and started reading and journaling. It was an exceptionally great time with the Lord! I loved it! It was my strength for the day, it was my "breakfast", it was the energy I knew I would need to get through the day. When I arrived in Riga, I met one dear friend at the bus station, Lana. :) She has a singing voice that will lead you straight to the throne of God. I believe whenever she sings, God sits back in His throne and just listens to His daughter worship. Anyway, we met another favorite, Valters, and had breakfast together. Fried eggs and pankukas. It was delicious and our meal was filled with many laughs. It was so good to be in the company of dear friends. We decided we then needed to walk around for awhile to work off all the food we just ate. It seems that no matter what we are doing, it is always a fun and blessed time. Valters had to go to work and so Lana and I went into a few stores to find her a new outfit. I found a place to go shopping if I need new clothes. It was farely inexpensive and had much more variety that any shop in Kuldiga. Of course Kuldiga is much, much smaller. The next few hours were spent with Lana and her worship friends. I sat and watched them practice with each other. The greatest joy came from watching them interact with each other. It is very evident that they love Jesus, love serving with each other, they love each other, and they love to make music together. The room was full of joy and God's presence, you couldn't help but smile. Then they led worship for this conference and nothing was different. The same joy and love for each other and God was evident again. And even though I didn't know the words, they were singing in Russian, I was led to the throne of God and enojyed worshipping my God with my heart. The rest of the evening was spent with more of my Riga family. Kristaps, Kristaps, Lana, Ance and Tomass for awhile and I sat around the table, ate Lana's chili for dinner, laughed a lot, and then decided to watch Ice Age 4. I don't remember the last time I laughed so much and so hard. Maybe the movie wasn't really that funny but the company made it more enjoyable. But the movie still was funny, if you haven't seen it, you should. Sometimes I think, "how did I become so blessed to have such incredible friends here already?" They LOVE Jesus, they love giving their lives to Him, and they love each other. And so quickly they have accepted me into their group. What a blessing. Thank you Jesus. Sunday, I ventured to the train station on my own, (of course with directions from Lana) got on the correct train and met Edgars and one guy who would take us to Jurmala service. There we met up with our family. In was this moment that I felt it. The peace and affirmation of seeing my "family", I knew this had become my home. Matiss, Ilze, David, Edgars, Krista, Filips and so many more, they have become my family. We spent the day leading Jurmala and Riga services. It was a blessed day of fellowship, serving God together, laughing, praying, and growing in our relationships with each other. I couldn't ask for a better group of people to walk through life with! I am blessed! The day was capped off with an iced caramel macchiato from Coffee Inn made by Valters. It was the perfect ending to a perfect weekend! Now I tell you all this and one small refocus lesson I learned from this. Sometimes we, I, tend to look at the things we don't have. I wish I had this friend, what happened to this friendship, I wish I could sing better, I wish I had more money, I wish I was in a relationship. Whatever it is you think about, we all have something. But I was reminded to not look at what I don't have, what I am missing, but to look at what I do have and what blessings they are. I have a great church family supporting me, I have family that loves me-even if they don't understand what I am doing, I have people in Latvia who geninuely care about me and want to be a part of my life. And most importantly, I have a God who loves me, who provides for me, who wants the best for my life. I have a God who is with me all the time, even if I don't feel like it. I am blessed. :) If you are feeling today like you want something more, that you want something different, took a look at your life today and thank God for what you do have!! :)

Raw honesty

I've thought about this next update for some time. Sometimes I think I should write about what a day look likes. Sometimes I think I should write about what God is teaching me. Everytime I think to write something, I just think too much. (and if you really knew me, you would know this is not uncommon :) ) So, as I lay here wide awake, I decided to do what comes best, from the heart. The last week I felt a big challenge has been placed in front of me. I'm not talking about things that I do here. Yes, everyday is filled with challenges: learning the language, adjusting to the culutre, new food becoming common, so. many. challenges. But the biggest challenge has been in my relationship with Jesus. Since being here, my time spent with Jesus has been greater than I've had in a long time. I spend a great deal listening to sermons, reading, praying, worshiping, and more sermons. I don't say this because I am patting myself on my back, but to say that I've been blessed with more "free" time than I have in probably 4 years. I've noticed areas in my life, in my heart that need to improve to bring me to a deeper level with Jesus. The more time I spend with Jesus, the more I realize I need His grace and mercy because my heart is filthy. I am a sinner. Without Jesus, I have nothing to offer anyone. So, I have asked Jesus to help me have a deeper relationship with Him. I have asked Jesus to help me truly to desire only Him. I have asked Jesus to show me areas that I need to work on so that this can happen. And yet, I love how even when Jesus shows us the hard things, He is still gentle. God has been showing me an area in my heart that I didn't realize just how much I wasn't giving to Him. This area is called forgiveness. No joke, in a matter of 3 days, I read scriptures, had conversations, and heard sermons on forgiveness. 3 days in a row of pure forgiveness topics. I felt God hitting me over the head with a brick...gently of course. :) But for real. I have previously written about how I have forgiven my step-dad for what happened. I even wrote him a letter telling him I have forgiven him. I feel a true release and redemption in my heart from that. But there is something I still struggle with. Why can I not forgive those have done "lesser" things to me and whom I hold dear to my heart? Why is it harder to forgive some people and easier for others? Maybe it is because some people repeatedly hurt me emotionally. Maybe it is because some people say one thing and do another. Maybe deep down I don't want to forgive them. Maybe holding on to that bitterness is easier than opening my heart again. I know that is wrong, but it is raw honesty. But then I was reminded of myself. I looked in the mirror so to speak. How many times do I hurt Jesus? How many times do I choose to spend my time on other useless things and not with Jesus? How many times do I say, "God, I won't do that again. I won't think about that again." and yet the temptation comes and I so easily fall into the trap? How many times do I satisfy my flesh and yet, every single time Jesus forgives me? Every single time, as I come to Him broken, weak, and ask for forgiveness, He not only gives it, but He is waiting for me with open arms. When He was beaten and nailed to the cross, He says "Father, forgive them, they do not know what they are doing". When men and women were taking the very breath from Him, He was asking God to forgive them. So why can't I forgive someone who hurts me? This has been my challenge this week. I need to forgive. But I can't just say it, I need to believe it. And I believe God is calling me to take the next step. I need to let these people know I forgive them. And that is where my heart skips a beat. I need God to give me the strength and the words to do this. I need His Spirit within me to bear my heart to these people. I believe once I do this, my relationship with Jesus will go to the next level. As another layer of my heart is peeled off, it makes more room for Jesus. I am so thankful that my hardest lessons, my biggest challenges, are never done alone. I am so thankful that I have a sovereign God who cares about me enough to pursue me, each and every day. I am thankful for a God whose grace is more than suffienct for this sinner. I am thankful that I have Jesus to hold me in my best days and my worst. I am thankful that as my Daddy continues to teach me and challenge me (as a Father should) that He also allows me to crawl into His lap and cry and let His gentle love comfort me. There you have it. Raw honesty from the heart. I am not perfect. I am nothing special just because I am living in another country. I am the same as you. We all have imperfections. We all have something we battle with. And we all have the same God to help us if we let Him.