This past weekend was a bit of a rough one emotionally. I kept finding myself wondering if Jesus was really enough? During a time in life where I'm supposed to be moving forward with life, I so often find myself moving backwards. This could be emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and even in physical aspects of life.
Relationships-friendships have always been a struggle for me in the sense of trust. I don't trust very easily and in the past have found myself not worth anyones times. I didn't want to bother anyone when I know they had important things already going on in life. But with the help of a very precious friend, she has helped me overcome a lot of emotions and feelings of unworthiness. But trust is something I still struggle with and this past weekend my emotional trust world was rocked, or maybe I was just seeing what others were trying to tell me. Either way, my heart was a mess and I was falling into my Daddy's arms many times through out the day asking for His strength to get me through. His grace and love IS sufficient!
The other fall back is my car. I believe my transmission is going out in my car and I'm fresh out of college with too many school loans and not financial stability to start making car payments and loan payments. I know I cannot do this alone. I know I cannot move forward in life without my Daddy leading me. And Yes, He knows my needs and has met them every time in such unexpected ways. So what about the car? Well, we may have a fix. Some new dear friends have an extra car, and if the car checks out okay, we will be striking a deal that is only orchestrated by God!
So where is all this going? Now that we got through the confusing mess, here's some scripture. I was talking with a friend about her recent life struggles and I was reminded of the great book of Hosea. 2:14&19-20 reads like this.
14 “Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. 19 I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. 20 I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD.
These are such great verses. These verses remind me of how I felt when I made the move from Wisconsin to Oklahoma. I felt so alone, everything I had known, all the comforts of life, anything that made me feel relaxed, all the "fun" times I had, it was all gone. I was stripped of everything and who did I lean on? The One who had allured me there in the first place. My Savior! I feel this season has come again but in a different life. Instead of leaving one "world" and entering another "world". I'm still in the same house, still surrounded by most of the same people, my daily activities are still the same, but God is alluring my heart to the wilderness and speaking tenderly. And the greatest part about it? I realize that NOTHING else matters. Relationship issues, car troubles, school loans, crappy job, life at a stand still, none of it matters because I know, I believe, I hold on to the knowledge of knowing my God loves me. He whispers tenderly to my heart, He pursues me with an undying love. And when I realized that, everything else started falling into place. I trust my Daddy more than ever before, I love my Daddy more than ever before, and I'll sit here and soak up His love while I wait for the next step to be revealed. I'm loving being in the presence of my God!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Peace in a Tree
Today I went to the bridge at 31st and Riverside with one of my roomies to take some pictures for her class. While I was basking in the sun and taking in the serenity of the moment, I noticed one particular tree. This trees is all by itself, no leaves (why would it? It's Feb) but there was nothing around it at all. The tree was standing rooted in the hillside and looked completely content. It seemed to be rooted deep into the ground and not at all aware of the crazy noise of cars passing by and all the runners/walkers out for this "heat wave". This tree looked more at home than out of place and yet in complete solitude. There were many things further away from this tree, rocks, benches, the bridge, other trees, people, cars, etc, but it was alone. It's branches were stretched out far and looked as if it were worshipping the sun. It really was a great moment in my heart.
(this isn't the actual tree but this is the idea)
As I gazed upon this tree for a moment, I felt like I could compare my life in this season to this tree. More times than not, I feel like I am in a season of solitude. Many of my friends are experiencing significant life changes with jobs, relationships, travel, school, careers, and so much more. But through all these changes I find myself spending less time with them and more time with myself, more time with Jesus. I find that anytime I feel like I have finally caught up with life, something else in life happens to bring me a step back whether it be an unexpected bill, car troubles, etc, something usually happens. I've seen these moments as trials, tests to see where my emotions lie. I was chatting with a friend the other night and I came to this realization, "is Jesus really all I need? Do I feel content with losing everything and having only Jesus?" I would hope that when all else is lost, I would be like that single tree with branches raised worshipping my Son, my Savior!
(if you've never been there you should go. It's an old wooden bridge look, there is fishing and a small dam. the sunsetting, the sound of the water on the dam, with temps in the 70s, was definitely a calming moment)
(this isn't the actual tree but this is the idea)
As I gazed upon this tree for a moment, I felt like I could compare my life in this season to this tree. More times than not, I feel like I am in a season of solitude. Many of my friends are experiencing significant life changes with jobs, relationships, travel, school, careers, and so much more. But through all these changes I find myself spending less time with them and more time with myself, more time with Jesus. I find that anytime I feel like I have finally caught up with life, something else in life happens to bring me a step back whether it be an unexpected bill, car troubles, etc, something usually happens. I've seen these moments as trials, tests to see where my emotions lie. I was chatting with a friend the other night and I came to this realization, "is Jesus really all I need? Do I feel content with losing everything and having only Jesus?" I would hope that when all else is lost, I would be like that single tree with branches raised worshipping my Son, my Savior!
(if you've never been there you should go. It's an old wooden bridge look, there is fishing and a small dam. the sunsetting, the sound of the water on the dam, with temps in the 70s, was definitely a calming moment)
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Forgiveness & Trust
"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
How do you forgive someone for something that has caused you so much pain? This question has always haunted me. Most of my life I've dealt with trying to figure it out. But it wasn't until I started to see the pain and hurt I caused God that I started to see the answer. You see, I've made many stupid choices in life. I've said hurtful things, I made gestures, face, all that nonverbal language that has hurt many in the past. I've made choices that have put myself in harms way. I've basically neglected the Grace and Love God has given me. But the cool thing is this. Christ loves me anyway! God loves me anyway! He's never stopped. From the moment I was thought of, from the moment I was formed, the first breath in this world, through every mistake I've made, through every sorrow, every gladness, through EVERYTHING, EVERYDAY God loves me. He sent His Son, Jesus, to die on the cross for me! Jesus died on the cross for you! No matter what we do, God still loves us. God has, and God will always forgive us.
So this brings me back to the first question, how do I forgive someone who caused me so much pain? Because I choose to allow Christ to work in my heart. It is by HIS power and His power alone that it happens. I don't want that person to have control over my life any more. I don't want to react on that memory or memories in a negative light. I want to move on. Truly moving on, only happens through forgiveness. It definitely is not easy. And nobody ever said it was going to be, they just told me I wouldn't have to do it alone. But the change in my life that has happened since this transformation started, has radically rocked my world! And the biggest thing that has come from forgiveness....TRUST! These past 2 weeks have filled my heart with trust. I trust God more now, than I've ever trusted anyone! I feel a peace, I feel content with the unknown of my future. But I rest in the trust that God is in control, Jesus is lighting my path, and when I seek Him, I cannot lose. He always has the victory!
I'm excited to see where this new found trust takes me with my Jesus. These last 2 years have been unexpected adventure full of ups and downs, twists and turns, but man, I couldn't be more joyful and in love my Savior!
How do you forgive someone for something that has caused you so much pain? This question has always haunted me. Most of my life I've dealt with trying to figure it out. But it wasn't until I started to see the pain and hurt I caused God that I started to see the answer. You see, I've made many stupid choices in life. I've said hurtful things, I made gestures, face, all that nonverbal language that has hurt many in the past. I've made choices that have put myself in harms way. I've basically neglected the Grace and Love God has given me. But the cool thing is this. Christ loves me anyway! God loves me anyway! He's never stopped. From the moment I was thought of, from the moment I was formed, the first breath in this world, through every mistake I've made, through every sorrow, every gladness, through EVERYTHING, EVERYDAY God loves me. He sent His Son, Jesus, to die on the cross for me! Jesus died on the cross for you! No matter what we do, God still loves us. God has, and God will always forgive us.
So this brings me back to the first question, how do I forgive someone who caused me so much pain? Because I choose to allow Christ to work in my heart. It is by HIS power and His power alone that it happens. I don't want that person to have control over my life any more. I don't want to react on that memory or memories in a negative light. I want to move on. Truly moving on, only happens through forgiveness. It definitely is not easy. And nobody ever said it was going to be, they just told me I wouldn't have to do it alone. But the change in my life that has happened since this transformation started, has radically rocked my world! And the biggest thing that has come from forgiveness....TRUST! These past 2 weeks have filled my heart with trust. I trust God more now, than I've ever trusted anyone! I feel a peace, I feel content with the unknown of my future. But I rest in the trust that God is in control, Jesus is lighting my path, and when I seek Him, I cannot lose. He always has the victory!
I'm excited to see where this new found trust takes me with my Jesus. These last 2 years have been unexpected adventure full of ups and downs, twists and turns, but man, I couldn't be more joyful and in love my Savior!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Oh the beauty of snow...
Genesis 1:1 "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth..."
Today as round 2 of the snow came and after I was through shoveling our driveway, I was able to enjoy the moment of making a snow angel and looking at God's beautiful creation, part of earth...which is also our front yard. :) Anyway, I've always found something peaceful and pure about the snow. Even growing up with lots of snow for ridiculous amounts of time, I was still always drawn to it. I loved snow days! So it got me thinking today. What is so captivating about the snow? How did God create such a complex thing? You know not 2 snowflakes are alike?! Ever! That's insane! Only a work of God!! Also, I think there is a stillness, a quiet, a peace, a pureness, and a feeling of rest that comes with snow. Not all the stress and chaos it seems to give drivers and others. I feel like the snow and the feeling it gives me is comparable to that of Christ. Christ is meant to fill my heart with stillness, quiet, pureness, and peace in my soul. Christ is not meant to fill my heart with stress and hectic chaos. And when we live our life the way we do with snow, cautious yet adventurous, an enhanced sense for our surroundings and not the mundane routine of daily schedules, we are more aware of the work Christ is doing in our lives and around us. It has challenged me to take life moment by moment, seeking Christ in all my surroundings and not letting the hectic chaos disrupt my heart.
Part 2 of this thought is the idea of snow. A friend was telling me yesterday about reading the WHOLE Bible in 90 days. My first thoughts were "how can you even study or "get anything" out of the Word if you read the whole Bible in 90 days?"His reaction was about Noah. Noah had NEVER even seen water come from the sky, aka Rain. Yet, when God told Noah to build and arc, because it would rain, and rain a lot, he did it. He was obedient. But just think, he had NEVER seen rain. To go from absolutely NO rain, only water coming from the ground, to having a flood, that's just crazy! Then to think now, we not only have rain, but we have several different types of precipitation come from the sky in the form of rain, acid rain, sleet, hail, snow, etc. Yet at one point, there was nothing coming from the sky! I still can't fathom how great our God is! And to orchestrate the beauty and complexity of snow, I just don't understand when you look at nature how people can't believe, it's just crazy!
So the overall theme of todays rant is the beauty of snow! The calmness it has brought to my heart and my life. I will forever be drawn to the beauty of snow and now it serves as a constant reminder to slow down and enjoy life. Enjoy the quiet moments, enjoy the busy moments. Enjoy the purest of moments and enjoy the adventurous moments. Just enjoy Jesus in my life and be filled with joy! :)
Today as round 2 of the snow came and after I was through shoveling our driveway, I was able to enjoy the moment of making a snow angel and looking at God's beautiful creation, part of earth...which is also our front yard. :) Anyway, I've always found something peaceful and pure about the snow. Even growing up with lots of snow for ridiculous amounts of time, I was still always drawn to it. I loved snow days! So it got me thinking today. What is so captivating about the snow? How did God create such a complex thing? You know not 2 snowflakes are alike?! Ever! That's insane! Only a work of God!! Also, I think there is a stillness, a quiet, a peace, a pureness, and a feeling of rest that comes with snow. Not all the stress and chaos it seems to give drivers and others. I feel like the snow and the feeling it gives me is comparable to that of Christ. Christ is meant to fill my heart with stillness, quiet, pureness, and peace in my soul. Christ is not meant to fill my heart with stress and hectic chaos. And when we live our life the way we do with snow, cautious yet adventurous, an enhanced sense for our surroundings and not the mundane routine of daily schedules, we are more aware of the work Christ is doing in our lives and around us. It has challenged me to take life moment by moment, seeking Christ in all my surroundings and not letting the hectic chaos disrupt my heart.
Part 2 of this thought is the idea of snow. A friend was telling me yesterday about reading the WHOLE Bible in 90 days. My first thoughts were "how can you even study or "get anything" out of the Word if you read the whole Bible in 90 days?"His reaction was about Noah. Noah had NEVER even seen water come from the sky, aka Rain. Yet, when God told Noah to build and arc, because it would rain, and rain a lot, he did it. He was obedient. But just think, he had NEVER seen rain. To go from absolutely NO rain, only water coming from the ground, to having a flood, that's just crazy! Then to think now, we not only have rain, but we have several different types of precipitation come from the sky in the form of rain, acid rain, sleet, hail, snow, etc. Yet at one point, there was nothing coming from the sky! I still can't fathom how great our God is! And to orchestrate the beauty and complexity of snow, I just don't understand when you look at nature how people can't believe, it's just crazy!
So the overall theme of todays rant is the beauty of snow! The calmness it has brought to my heart and my life. I will forever be drawn to the beauty of snow and now it serves as a constant reminder to slow down and enjoy life. Enjoy the quiet moments, enjoy the busy moments. Enjoy the purest of moments and enjoy the adventurous moments. Just enjoy Jesus in my life and be filled with joy! :)
Monday, February 7, 2011
Thankful
This past week of lots of snow and little to do, has lent a lot of time reflecting on life, my walk, my struggles, my relationships, my fears, the unknown. In this reflection time I am thankful for many things.
1. I am thankful God allows a time for rest, especially in the unexpected beauty of a snowfall
2. I'm thankful for a Savior who loves me even when I'm unworthy
3. I'm thankful for a warm house, roof over my head, and food in my belly.
4. I'm thankful for precious reminders of a treasured friendship miles away.
5. I'm thankful for a community of friends that help make this adventure a little more interesting (Yes, one has extreme Beiber fever, another an undying love of chocolate, and many addicted to coffee!)
6. I'm thankful for technology that allows loved ones to feel connected
7. I'm thankful the Lord has infused my heart with forgiveness that allows pain and hurt to no longer control my life.
8. Lastly, but one of the most important, I'm thankful I'm not on this adventure alone.
I have nothing to fear when I rely fully on Him to guide my path. Now more than ever, I feel the presence of my Daddy holding my hand and guiding my way. I feel like a little child who is blindfolded and about to be surprised with something big. I have no idea what I will see when the blindfold is taken off, but I can feel the excitement building and His presence so strong! I'm thankful I've reached a level of trust with my Daddy that I can walk blindly knowing He is leading me. Jesus is helping me see that something brand-new is about to happen!
"For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13
1. I am thankful God allows a time for rest, especially in the unexpected beauty of a snowfall
2. I'm thankful for a Savior who loves me even when I'm unworthy
3. I'm thankful for a warm house, roof over my head, and food in my belly.
4. I'm thankful for precious reminders of a treasured friendship miles away.
5. I'm thankful for a community of friends that help make this adventure a little more interesting (Yes, one has extreme Beiber fever, another an undying love of chocolate, and many addicted to coffee!)
6. I'm thankful for technology that allows loved ones to feel connected
7. I'm thankful the Lord has infused my heart with forgiveness that allows pain and hurt to no longer control my life.
8. Lastly, but one of the most important, I'm thankful I'm not on this adventure alone.
I have nothing to fear when I rely fully on Him to guide my path. Now more than ever, I feel the presence of my Daddy holding my hand and guiding my way. I feel like a little child who is blindfolded and about to be surprised with something big. I have no idea what I will see when the blindfold is taken off, but I can feel the excitement building and His presence so strong! I'm thankful I've reached a level of trust with my Daddy that I can walk blindly knowing He is leading me. Jesus is helping me see that something brand-new is about to happen!
"For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13
Let's get this started..
I'm jumping on-board the blogging world. I would like to get this started by offering an invitation for you to join me in this everyday adventure of life. I may not have it all together, I surely don't have all the answers, and I am no where near perfect. But I have the love of my Savior, I live each day transformed by Him and His grace, and I love football! :)
First lets talk about the title. The other night I was reading out of Isaiah 43 and the message version of verses 18-19 go like this:
"Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new. It's bursting out! Don't you see it?"
These verses stuck out like a sore thumb to me. I need to forget the past, forget the mistakes I've made, forget the hurt and the pain. Don't keep looking back. I need to focus on the future and what's to come. He has and continues to radically change my life and impact others through it! I rest in the confidence knowing I'm not in control. My Father is! He continues to remind me that I need to be alert, He's about to do something brand-new! And I don't want to miss out on even ONE opportunity. As a new chapter unfolds in my life, I'm buckled in and holding on tight to my Savior because He's bursting in with something brand-new! Will you join me on this wild ride?
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