Reoccuring Theme, Stay in the Presence of God!

First, Happy Thanksgiving blog readers! :) I am thankful for so many things I could write an entire blog on just that. But, I will not. I want to write and share about something that has been on my heart a lot in the past month.
As some of you may know or maybe were wondering, I am praying through extending my stay in Latvia past the original two years. When I started this journey back in the summer of 2011 I had some feeling that maybe it would last longer than two years but I wasn't sure. There were moments last year I felt like I would stay longer and moments where I felt like 2 years was enough. However, the more I pray about, the more affirmation I receive to extend my stay. There have been two things recently that are playing a part in this affirmation. Latvia, Kuldīga, this place is becoming my home. I can feel it in my heart and see it in my life. The pictures in my flat have been on a slow processing of being replaced by the fresh new faces of dear Latvians. I have started calling HOG "my"church. The flat that I live in, it is my home. It feels like my home. It feels like a sanctuary where I can be completely at peace and rest. The once strange smells, sights, sounds of Kuldīga hae become something I treasure. Even when I visit Rīga, it is always a sense of home as soon as I step off that bus in Kuldīga. The people in my life here, oh how they have blessed me. Last weekend, closest friends made the trip from Rīga and Liepaja to join and celebrate Thanksgiving with me. They knew and saw that it was something important to me so they wanted to be there for me. You just can't force something like that, it is all by God's grace. My closest friend got married this summer and I thought this would only make us grow a part. To my surprise and delight, the exact opposite has happened. We started doing a bible study together, yes even over the phone, praying together, and being more intentional about our conversations. She has become more than a friend to me but a dear sister in Christ. She has seen my darkest side and secrets and loves me anyway. She has seen some of my happiest moments and shared in that joy. I can only think of 2 other people who know me like Lana does and love me all the same. God has given me the greatest support system here in Latvia and these relationships are among some of the best I've had in my 26 years of life. Latvia is my home. :) Of course, no one can replace my church family or my family and friends back "home" but God is opening my heart to see this as my current home and place of worship. :) I still love those back in the States dearly and can't wait to see you soon!!! :) :)
The second and I think even bigger affirmation is something that was started in my head back in September when I went to the JV conference in Czech. One man was talking about the Old Testament and how people would literally follow the presence of God. There was a tent and if God's presence was there, his people would stay there. If the presence of God left, then the people left. Then he asked, wouldn't it be great if we lived our lives like that today, just following the presence of God? At the moment I thought, oh yea, that would be cool and then didn't give it another thought. Then about a month ago I was Skyping with a dear friend of mine and she was talking about the presence of God. We were talking about ministry here and she said you need to stay where God is and follow God's presence in your ministry. Yes, there will be people outside of your ministry but if God is asking you to be in one place, don't leave until God leads you too. It was very interesting to me and it reminded me of this question back in September, living a life following the presence of God. The very next day I lead a girls bible study over John 1:35-42 where Jesus calls his disciples. There was instant obedience, go where God is going. Follow Jesus. Again, the thought crossed my mind, go where God is. Where God is leading you, that is where you need to go, not your own way. Okay, now I really started to think seriously about this thought. Obviously God is showing me something if this has come up three times now. But wait, there is just one more time that this has been brought up and I think this brings it full circle. Last Friday, the message at Connected was about being in the presence of God. Kristaps preached out of Exodus where Moses and Joshua go into the tent where is the presence of God. Moses went out from the tent and Joshua stayed. God went on to use Joshua to defeat many armies and to continue to lead the people to the Promised Land. Of course, Kristaps wasn't saying anything bad about Moses but his point was why did God choose to use someone like Joshua, a nobody? It was because Joshua was seeking the presence of God and stayed in His presence. Some people know this but many don't. When I was first praying about coming to Latvia and was in contact with Matiss and the HOG church leaders, someone told Matiss that he was like Moses and I was like a Joshua. It was interesting then but it seemed even more interesting now as God has been showing me the most recent thing. Be like Joshua, stay in the presence of God and follow where He leads. Stay where He stays. So with all this to say, here is what I feel like God is revealing to me. I must stay in the presence of God. As I look at Connected, as I look at HOG church in Kuldiga, as I look at this ministry here, God is working! God is doing some incredible work. The enemy is also fighting and thinking he can win this battle, but I can see a change for the better. It is a struggle, this is not an easy fight but when I think back to my first months here and I look at this place now, there is a difference, There is a change. God is working in far bigger ways than I ever imagined or thought. God has a plan and I believe God is asking, "will you stay and fight here longer?" God's presence is here. God is working. God is here in Latvia and something amazing is about to happen. I am ready and willing to fight and to stay in Latvia. Be encouraged dear readers, even if there are hard times and hard battles ahead of you the good Lord will win the fight! Will you join His army or fight against it? Jesus loves you! Be blessed! Have a great day, eat lots of turkey and cherish every moment spent with loved ones! :) :)

Adjusting....

I recently had a conversation the other day with a woman from my church. We talked about life here in Latvia and she asked me many questions. When I told her that I had "adjusted" to life in Latvia, she saw that as a negative thing. I have thought a lot about this and decided todays post would be about just that, adjusting. I decided to look up the definition of adjusting and this is what I found.  

Adjusting:

1.To adapt or conform, as to new conditions

2.To achieve a psychological balance with regard to one's external environment, one's needs, and the demands of others.

Let me put this conversation in context for you. She asked me if living in Latvia was hard for me. I smiled and with hesitation said, "Yes, but I am adjusting to life here". She then probed more and wanted to understand what I meant. So I proceeded to tell her that yes, there are hard moments, there are hard times, and last year there were a couple of hard months. But, I am adjusting to life in Latvia and it is getting better. I started to explain about my home church, South Community Church, and how community based it is. Every Sunday you are greeted with smiling faces, hugs, at least a minute of "quality time" in service, a meal together afterwards and you felt like you were a part of a great church family. Every week I was with my church family almost daily from worship practice, small group, youth group, being a nanny, not to mention the deep friendships I have. My life was filled with great community that challenged me, encouraged me, laughed with me, cried with me, and grew with me as we grew closer to God. My community group was a solid group of people that LOVED to spend time together. Even in our busy crazy lives, we knew that our group was a safe place to come, be vulnerable, be encouraged, and grow in God's Word. At the age of 25, I had found a church family that many go their whole lives searching for. But, this is not America and this is not SCC. I am living in a culture that is shaped by its past. I am living in a culture of people that has been depressed and oppressed by the Russians and Germans. I am living in a culture that doesn't smile very often and doesn't trust very easily. I am now living in a culture that is the exact opposite of life at SCC. That is something I need to adjust to. Of course, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying SCC is perfect and Latvia stinks, what I am saying is I need to adjust. Life looks different now than it did before. Let's talk about this culture. This past summer, I took a visiting friend to the occupation musuem. If you know me, you know that history is not really my thing, but my dear friend loves history so I decided we should go. I am so glad we did. I learned so many things about the Latvian people that I was able to gain a lot of perspective on the culture even today. So many times people came here promising help, only to make conditions worse. People came to offer freedom and all these great things but only gave enslavement and fear. People promised to bring about change for the good, only to once again bring change for the worse. Families were uprooted and sent packing to remote places in Russia. Familes were stripped of their belongings, their homes, their identities and forced to conform to communism. With each failed attempt at help, the more hardened hearts became. With each broken promise, came a heart of dispair. People were forced to live lives a certain way and felt no sense of freedom in anything. They would even communicate with whispers in their own homes as to not be heard by the wrong people or their neighbors. I couldn't imagine living a life like that but I can see the repercussions of it today. Still it is hard to earn the turst of a National. It is hard to bring a promise of hope and true freedom in Jesus, because it seems that you belong to a cult and they want nothing to do with it. It is hard to bring the idea of community to a place that wants to be so private. It is hard, but it is worth it! It may be hard but Jesus has still asked me to be faithful. So yes, there are times where I feel alone. The lack of 20 somethings in my city doesn't help either because there are no universities and no real job opportunites in the small town of Kuldiga. I would attend church on Sundays and almost feel invisible at times. I would say hi to some people and maybe 20% of the time get a response back. I am new. I am different. I am an outsider and I need to earn their trust. I have had to make the biggest adjustment of them all, going from being completely surrounded by great community to feeling almost invisible in my church. I have had to adjust. I have had to learn to rely even more on my relationship with Jesus. I have learned to be even more assertive in asking those dear to me for help. I have adjusted to living in an introverted culture by graciously loving like Jesus would. Trying my best to love without expecting anything in return. I am still adjusting and still learning but I know the reward is great! Now please, don't read this and think life is terrible here because it is not. As many of you know, I have have seen the great reward of perserverance in building relationships. Even though it may be hard to earn the trust of a National, once you do, it's the best feeling there is. I have a very dear friend who has been great in helping me adjust. In the past year, we have grown so close together we can almost know what each other is thinking in any given situation. It took me awhile to gain her trust, even as a believer, but the months of waiting, being vulnerable to her, and letting her see my weakest moments has brought about one of the greatest friendships of my short 26 years of life. We have had moments in the past year that I will remember for a lifetime. The best part about it is, I feel like we are just beginning our friendship but have known each other for years. I have seen the impact on my students as well. God is bringing about change to Latvia. Even as I adjust to Latvian culture and bring Jesus to the hard place, He is working to help them adjust to living a life that reflects Him. I have seen small changes in the church here. Slowly but surely God is working and for that I praise Him! Adjusting is not a bad thing. I believe adjusting, when done in a way that brings Glory to God, is exactly what our world needs. I can't expect to move to another country and demand the people to conform and meet my needs. I need to expect that God will give me the grace, patience, and love to adjust to those who need to hear about His love and redemption. As I adjust to living in another culture I need to live out 1 Corinthians 9:20-22 "To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some." If I want to help win the Latvians to Christ, then I need to adjust to life here and become like the Latvians. I promise you, it is an adjustment worth making and I have no regrets. I love the life God has given me here and I know that I know, I am exactly where God wants me. :) 

Mountain Top :)

This past month has been incredible!
Check out a video update HERE! :)

God is good, God is great! :)

A year of learning..

One of my friends asked me the other day, are you ready to stay another year or do you wish you were going home? I thought for about 2 seconds and then smiled and replied, "this is home". Can you believe a year has come to pass?! I can't! It seems only a few short months ago I was on the plane thinking about what this year would hold. I remember like it was just yesterday we had our first Connected meeting and the people I was looking at were mere strangers. It seems like just yesterday I hugged my church family and cried tears mixed with joy and sadness. It seems like just yesterday I spent time with my "family" here and we didn't even know what to say to each other. It seems like just yesterday everything was so unknown. But on the other hand, it seems like forever ago that I've been able to feel the embrace of my church family. It seems like forever that I have known those dearest to me here in Latvia. It seems people like Lana, Abits, Kripats, Valti, Ance, and Zanite have known me for a lifetime! They have become my family and people I couldn't imagine living my life without. In this past year there have been many ups and many downs. There have been tears of joy and many tears of sorrow. There have been moments of loneliness and moments of feeling loved by family. There have been moments that have defined my relationships, not only with people but with The Lord as well. This past year has been the year thus far in my life that has taught me the most. This past year was a year that challenged me more than ever before. This year has been a year where I've cried out to The Lord more than any other. This past year has been a year of finding even more my identity in Christ. This past year has been one I'll never forget. I traveled to 4 other countries, saw 2 of my closest friends get married, 3 students baptized, attended 4 camps, 2 conferences, and had many Skype dates. I learned to play guitar and the cajon and even taught some guitar. I've made new friends, even some of the best. I've seen and come to understand God's grace a little more and his constant pursuit. A year that has changed my life! I've been thinking about this post for some time. How do you put into words 365 days, 8,760 hours, 525,600 minutes? How do you capture the memories on my heart? How do you describe the embrace of someone who has become so dear to you after the hardest struggle? How do you depict the glory of God as one of your students has sincerely decided to follow Jesus? How do you paint the picture for your supporters to see that their faithfulness in giving and praying has not been void? I can only offer a few stories from my heart and pray that as you've been following along this past year, God has shown you how great and majestic He is! First, lets start with Connected. Wow! God has done incredible things in this group of young men and women! A group that started off with separate cliques and divisions among them has become a family. A group that would only spend time together on Fridays during Connected is now spending at least 3 days a week together! A group that was so shallow in their faith a few short months ago, God has grown and molded them into leaders. A group that was shy, quiet, and not very interactive is now the exact opposite. A group that has seen how God can change lives and offer freedom! A group that I know and believe God has a special and unquie plan! A group that when they stick together, will change not only this city, but also Latvia! Every prayer you have prayed for these young people has been felt! Every time you went before the throne of grace, God has been faithful to respond. Of course, we could all use more prayer and we still have students who are choosing to run away from God, but this group is changed. This group is different and your prayers have played a part in that. Please, keep praying. Keep supporting. Come visit! Come see God at work for yourselves! We would love to have you! :) Now let's get a bit more personal. I'm not going to lie and say everything has been the easiest and the most fun I've ever had in my life. There were moments I questioned, "God, why am I here?" There were moments I thought I couldn't continue here because I felt so alone. With all new changes, even the basic things and needs were difficult through language. I had moments of complete brokenness before The Lord. I couldn't remember who I was. There were moments I felt I lost my identity. So many people would say, "oh you're that missionary" or "oh you're so holy and righteous" or even "you're so brave, you're my hero". I started to get lost in these thoughts. Then when I would stumble and fall, I felt lower than dirt. I felt my identity was gone. My pride had grown inside of me and just like scripture says, I fell. I would say, around May, I started to pray and ask God to speak my identity into me again. I asked him to please do whatever necessary to speak truth to my heart. At times I asked God, "are you listening? Do you hear me?" I felt so empty and so broken. Then we had our youth camp, Reconnect. The last night I had the unexpected opportunity to share my testimony. I prayed a quick prayer before speaking and said, "God I'm empty, but you are not, so speak your story, not mine." God had me share the most intimate moment I've ever had with him. A moment where He spoke truth, identity, value, peace, comfort, salvation, redemption, and love into my life. As I said these words out loud again, it was hard to hold back the tears. In that moment of sharing those words, I felt God speaking to me. "My child, my beloved, are you listening? Do you hear me? I still feel this same way about you!" I was overwhelmed by Gods peace! In the following month (August) I felt my identity coming back, but I still felt so alone. I felt like God was still distant to my heart. We just recently had History Makers Camp. I went to this camp feeling strange. I could feel God was trying to speak to me but it was a quiet, quiet whisper. It was also strange for me to be in a place where all my family was serving and I was to be there. Be a camper and not a worker. I honestly didn't know what to do with myself. During one service, I felt God clearly speak to me about many things. One being my identity. I heard him say, come my child. Rest in me. Stop and rest. Wait for me. Quit moving and just be still. As I did that, as I waited in his presence I felt a new confidence surround me. A new and refreshed sense of my identity. As I sat there, humbled myself before a Holy God I felt Him whisper, "do you know who you are? Don't you know, you are MINE!" Yes Jesus I know it! I believe it! I am Yours!!! I stood and sang with all my heart! I am His! I belong to Jesus! My identity is not that I'm a missionary. My identity is not that I live in Kuldiga, Latvia. My identity is not that I'm a youth leader or that I'm good. My identity IS that I belong to Jesus! I am His! :D joy overwhelms me even as I type this! Hallelujah! God is good! All praise and glory to Him who is worthy! I could write forever but maybe you don't want to read it all. :) so we'll end with this. What next? What to expect in the next year of serving in Latvia. This is what I can tell you. I expect God to do a mighty work! Not only in me but also in these young people. We can expect that I will walk confidently in Jesus knowing He is worth every sacrifice and suffering. We can expect that the enemy will try to attack again on my identity, but my God is greater! You can expect that God will do amazing things! It is also God's plan that I will be the main youth leader this year. We will go before the church on September 15 and announce to the rest of the church and pray for the upcoming year. In many ways I feel inadequate to lead this group of growing young people but I believe God knows what he is doing and he IS equipped to teach them, even through my weaknesses. I have peace that this is what God wants to happen. You can expect great things from a great God! Thank you for your continued prayers and support! It means more than words can express! Your prayers, your support, your encouragement play a huge part in keeping me here! Without you to believe in me and believe in what God is doing here, these stories and memories would not be possible! Thank you, thank you very much and your reward in heaven will be great! Love you all! Many blessings! Jesus loves you! :)

Rescuing a lamb, rescuing my heart...

While I was in Ireland about a week and a half ago, I went on a sunset adventure. We went to the top of one mountain and climbed to the top of an old fort and watched the sunset, looked at the beauty of the distant mountains, and soaked in the creativity of our Creator. It was breathtaking. It was beautiful. I don't know how to describe such a view and for you to get the picture. Just know that it was beautiful. :) But that is not the purpose of this post. This post is actually about the way down. In Ireland, there are many fields full of sheep grazing on the grass. I jokingly said, "okay, next adventure is to play with the sheep" :) As we drove down the mountain, we noticed 2 little lambs that were out of the fence trying to get back in. One was even stuck between the old fence and the new fence. We all agreed to get out and help the lambs. Here were 3 girls trying to catch lambs, lead them, talk to them, do anything to get them back in the fence. It was probably hilarious if you could have watched us. The first one was actually really easy. She was stuck between the new fence and the old fence so I climbed the gate and went on the other side of her to chase her towards the gate. Once I got her there, then all I had to do was pull on the fence a little bit and she was free. Yay! It was cute to see her run up to her mama for some consoling. Because I had been in the field though, the rest of the sheep had taken off over the hill to run away from me. The other little lamb was still stuck on the outside. We tried the best that we could do to get him to run towards the gate. It didn't work. We thought, maybe if we could get him on the road and off this little hillside, then it would be easier to get him to the gate. Didn't work. We tried with all of our might to be creative. I even found a stick and tried to use it like a shepherd's hook, but that didn't work either. All these things did was scare the little guy and make himself try jumping the fence which led to nothing. But as we watched this little guy try to jump the fence and constantly ram his head into the fence, God's word clearly spoke to us. Many times the Bible refers to us as sheep and Jesus is our Shepherd. We try to do things on our own and don't listen to God's voice. Or maybe we hear God's voice but we think, "okay, we both want to get to the same place but I know my way is so much better". If we just trust our shepherd and believe that He knows what is best and right for our lives, things would be so much easier. As we watched this lamb repeatedly jump into the fence and "baaaaaaing" (if that's even a word) we could almost imagine him saying, "but I just want to get there. Right there with my momma". Yes, we are not shepherds by any means but we just wanted what was best for the lamb. We eventually got the little guy cornered as he was stuck in a bush and grabbed him by the wool and he gave up. He didn't fight us, he didn't wiggle at all, he surrendered and let us bring him back to the gate. This really got me thinking about my life. What has God been trying to teach me or show me and I have been trying to jump the fence instead of trust my Shepherd? As I saw the little lamb being carried, I understood in that moment, God picked me up by my "wool" and started to carry me. God is working on my heart with forgiveness. I see the end place I want to go, the open field, but I have been choosing my own way. I can see how things I have done and even believed would work and still I felt like I was ramming my head into the fence. I had a breakthrough as I watched this lamb. I felt freedom in my heart as I watched this lamb as I understood I have to do what my Shepherd tells me. Even though I may think it will hurt or I think no that way is not the right way, my Shepherd sees more than I can, knows more than I can, and I must trust that He sees the bigger picture. I know I must stop ramming my head into the fence as I try to jump it and just trust God and His plans. Even though it may be the "longer" way around, it is the most satisfying and brings Him the most glory. Thank you God for using even sheep to teach my about my life. Maybe you have something in your life you are experiencing that God is trying to help you through? Maybe you feel like the little lamb and you keep jumping and jumping but get no where? Maybe you feel like you just need to surrender and let God carry you? I don't know where you are in your life, but God does know and He can help you. Surrender and trust and He will be with you every step of the way.

The Details

Hello dear friends. :) This post as been in the making for a long time, longer than I think I realize. And it is a bit lengthy. Today, I want to write about one of the biggest lessons I've been learning so far on this 6 month journey, the details. In the last month especially, I have seen God's hand in the details of my life. They can be simple like learning to drive in the snow which has allowed me to drive in Latvia's crazy snowy weather without problems. Or they can be much bigger, like before I was even born God was already working out the details. While I was watching some of these details play out, I also happened to be having a Harry Potter marathon and this helped deepen my thoughts. Whether you like Harry Potter or not, that's for a different time, just stay with me. There were 7 books written in this series and from the first book to the last, there were so many details to work out. We see things that happened in the first book, come back around in the last book. For someone to have a mind like that, to create such a series like Harry Potter, they have to have an incredible thought process. 7 books worth of details, orchestrating things to happen one way to make the next thing happen. My mind was blown. Then I thought about my own life. I have a God whose mind is even greater than J. K. Rowling's mind. I looked at 2 obvious examples that I will explore more, but I also looked deeper, going backwards in my life and I was awe struck. Had I not gone with Awe Star that summer to Latvia, (which I did contemplate for a little bit), I wouldn't be here now. Had I not gone to church with Jo at South Community Church to watch her play guitar on the worship band, I wouldn't be a part of the amazing body of believers and best church family I could have. Had I not moved in with Katie, Lauren, and Liz I don't think I would have been so connected to Awe Star. Had the relationship with Liz not been formed at Parkview, I wouldn't have moved in with Katie, Lauren, and Liz. Had I not moved to Oklahoma, I of course wouldn't know any of the amazing people that I know now nor do I think I would be in Latvia. Had I not met my dad, then I wouldn't know my cousin Liz who had a huge part in me moving to Oklahoma in the first place. Had I not gone to school at Marian College, I wouldn't have my best friend, Julie, nor would I have the memories that have helped shaped me into who I am. Had I not been so ready to leave West Salem, I don't think I would have gone to Marian. Had God not moved my family from South Beaver Creek Church to Our Saviors when I was in middle school, I don't think I would have ever went on a mission trip (those trips in High School helped push me to search more about God). There are so many details like that, when I look back, I am just blown away. But I took it one step further still and this is what really blew my mind. Had my mom not gone to Our Saviors before I was born, we would have never have gone there because the reason we chose to go there, was because my mom already knew she liked the church and the church body. Even before I was born, God was working out the plan for my life. Incredible right?! Well, now I want to tell you two stories that have happened recently to help me realize this. The first one was with a girl I met at a birthday party and then we met again 3 weeks later at a conference. While at the Fathers Heart Conference, I felt God was wanting me to share my testimony with everyone during an open share time but in my flesh I said, "no God, I don't want to share something so personal with all these strangers". But the burning in my heart only got stronger and I've learned that means God wants to share His story so I must obey. So I shared the part about finding who I was through Walker’s "Orphan Heart" teaching and through my relationship with Brent as my Spiritual Father. After the conference was done for the day, a girl came up to me and told me how much the story spoke to her and encouraged her and the words I said about how I felt unworthy, dirty, useless, unloved was exactly how she was feeling. The next day we had time to split into groups of 2 and be honest and real with each other. She asked if she could be with me and proceeded to shared her story with me which was pretty similar to mine. The words she told me reminded me of myself and my views just 3-4 years ago. Through some amazing time with the Holy Spirit and being in prayer, God spoke into her heart and lifted a huge weight off her shoulders! It was truly an amazing experience to see God work like that especially when you know the feeling! God is so great! He gets all the glory for everything He's done in my life and even if this girl is the only reason I am here, it will all be worth it! The crazy thing is, we met just 3 weeks prior and I think had we not known each other, this wouldn't have played out this way. Only God knows the details and it is fun to watch them play out. :) The second story is about my dear friend Lana. In my eyes, my friendship with Lana was an "accident". What I mean by that is, I didn't plan us to get so close but I am realizing it was all a part of God's plan. Lana is a part of God's plan for my life. (yes I know that sounds cheesy but whatever :) ) When I came in March for an "affirmation" trip, I had to spend the night with Lana which wasn't planned at all. In my self I was feeling, "I am not supposed to be here. Lana probably feels obligated to have me stay with her." All these thoughts were definitely from the enemy. I remember reading a card that night from a small group at my church that said "even if you don't feel like it, you are exactly where God wants you, right in this moment". Only now did this make sense. God knows the details. He has only grown our friendship even more. About 2 weeks about, Lana called me up and said that she wanted me to come visit her at her school, there were teachers from America coming so it would be good for me and she wanted to spend time with me. So I went, even though it was the week of our Connected Camp, and had one of the most relaxing checked out times thus far in Latvia. God's presence overwhelmed me and spoke very softly to me that week. He reminded me I needed to be Jesus focused again not ministry focused. He also spoke to me about my friendship with Lana. Since I am here without a "team" there are days I get lonely and just really want a friend to laugh with, process things with, be silly with, go deep with, and just be with. It was like God hit me over the head with a brick saying, "Don't you see who's in front of you? Why do you keep looking for something I have already given you?" I believe God knows the details way better than we do. God knew I would need a friend. God knew Lana would help fill a need in my life. God knew Lana would bring laughter, "exhale" time, and peace to my life. He knew we would love each other and serve each other because ultimately we are sisters in Christ and He is what brought us together. When I realized all these things, I was very humbled. God cares about me so much that He takes care of the details. He chose me to come into the world at this certain time. He chose me to come to Latvia. He has given me a purpose, that only He can fulfill through my life. He has taken care of all the details, even those that never cross my mind. And He does the same for you!!! I am thankful God knows the end and works out the details. I am thankful that God cares for me enough to know just the right people to place into my life, orchestrate the meetings, and grow the friendships. I am thankful for the lessons He teaches me and that He has given me a heart that loves to learn and loves to seek. :) Thank you Jesus for creating me perfect for the purpose you have for me. :) Even to a God who can breath the stars into being, the details of our lives matter to Him. :)

Unfamiliar becomes familiar

Yesterday, I went for a drive. It was the first time in 5 months that I had the opportunity to drive on my own for more than 2 minutes. I had forgotten how much I missed getting into a car, turning up the music, and jamming out. Car drives used to be a place I could process things, a place to rid my mind and heart of negative things, a place to just listen and converse with Jesus. But that isn't the point of this blog. As I was driving to a student's house, about a 10-15 minute drive, I reflected back on the days when I used to think this drive was forever and a day away. When I was with my Awe Star team back in the summer of 2011, we stayed at this school in Pelči which is just outside of Kuldiga. After a long day of being with the team, doing ministry, and struggling through my partnership, I remember being on the bus thinking, "why do we have to stay so far away?" Now, however, I think of how silly it was for me to think this was far at all. But it got me thinking about life. How often when we start something,(running, working out, reading the bible, praying, etc) do we think this is hard? Or this is so foreign and uncomfortable to me? But then each time we do this thing, we make the same drive, we become more and more familiar with this "thing". We look back and see how silly we were to see the "difficulty" in it because it seems so comfortable and known to us now. Then I was thinking about God. I remember when the thought of a relationship with God was intimidating. I remember when I used to look on my relationship with Jesus like this drive to Pelči...are we there yet? I remember when I would have to make myself read the bible because so many people told me in the end, it is worth it. I look at my life now. I'll be the first to admit, I have a long way to go. I am not there yet. There are days "Pelči" still seems far away, but I also see that the things I thought were uncomfortable about Jesus have become comfortable. I see how it is easier now to spend more and more time with Jesus. I see that it takes less time for me to be real with Jesus than when I first started. The drive to "Pelči" doesn't seem so far anymore. And, you know, there are even times when we take a step back, maybe go to that place less often. Our brains don't forget the way. Our hearts don't forget the way. So even if you haven't spent time with Jesus a lot lately, even if you haven't went on a run lately or even if you haven't been to your "Pelči" lately, your heart knows the way. Take the first step and God will guide you, gently. Then you can look back and remember those days where it seemed so far away, so hard to just get there and smile and dance because it was worth it. Basically, I just want to encourage you like I was encouraged yesterday. At first, the first step, seems so hard and we seem impatient but when you take that first step, when you stick with it, it becomes easier. It become enjoyable. :) Be blessed and know that you are blessed! Use those blessings to bless someone else, even if it is a smile. :)

A safe, calm, adventurous relationship! :)

Happy New Year all! :) I hope you had as great of a Christmas season as I did! I was able to venture outside of Latvia and visit a dear friend teaching English in another country. We haven't spent much time together in the last 2+ years since she has been gone but, oh what a blessed time we had together! :) While I was there visiting my friend Kate, one of her roomates, Cam, asked me three questions. Apparently these three questions tell everything about your personality. They were pretty accurate for the most part but the one that really got me thinking is the one I want to write this post about. The question was, "what is your favorite thing about nature and why?" I knew instantly, and if you have followed my blog I'm sure you could already answer this. :) But, I said it is a river or creek flowing through the forest or on a mountain side. A slow moving river engulfed in nature. I chose this because it makes me feel safe and calm. As a kid, the creek was a place I felt safe and could get away from things. Also, in 2002, it was in the middle of a river that I truly felt the presence of God for the first time. Cam proceeded to tell me that this particular question is how I view my relationship with God. I view my relationship with God as a safe calming place. I instanly agreed and so did Kate, who knows me really well. Being the over-thinker that I am, I haven't really stopped thinking about this analogy and how true it is. When I think about this image, a river twisting and winding down a mountain side, in and out of forests, their is a peace in my heart but there is also a sense of adventure. I have grown to treasure my relationship with Jesus. I have found myself being more and more real with God, (even though I already know He knows everything), I find myself being more honest with God. The more I learn about Him, the more I trust He is in control, the more I learn about His love, the more open my response to Him is. Yes I am a sinner. Yes I fail everyday but I realize that God is actively involved in my life. I realize that even though I am dirty, broken, or a filthy used rag, God thinks I am worth pursuing. Jesus sees me as HIS beloved. The more I understand this, the more I feel safe in His arms. The more I feel safe crawling into His lap. The more I feel protected by His arms and presence in my life. I know that while my Daddy is holding me, no one can get to me! But there is also adventure with Jesus. Just like this river flowing through the different forests, down the mountain side, my life has been full of twists and turns. There are moments that are more calm than others. There are moments that bring about more adventure. Some of these adventures are big, like moving to Latvia and some of these adventures are smaller, like getting caught up in a certain part of scripture and seeing God's work. No matter what the adventure is though, I feel safe that I am contained within the banks of nature around me. I am safe within the arms wrapped around my life. Also, this same image allows for a sense of exploration. Even when I was younger and we would go canoing, at certain points we would beach our canoes and get out and explore. In my relationship with Jesus, I often find myself eager to go on expeditions with Him. I find that when I wait for Him to tell me, "ah this spot looks cool, let's check it out", I get excited knowing that I am not alone and that He will always be there to catch me if I stumble and fall. Plus, when Jesus is exploring with me, I always seem to learn something new that challenges me and usually makes me a better person and Follower! My relationship with Jesus has been a calming, safe, learning, and adventurous one and I love every minute of it! There is however, one part of all this I was challenged by. I pray that even though I feel safe with my relationship with God that I do not become content in that. I pray that in the safety of my relationship with Jesus, I continue to trust Him when He calls me to step out of my comfort zone. I pray that when He tells me to do something that I am uncomfortable in, that I would trust His guidance more than my comfort. I pray that I would continue to feel safe in my relationship with Jesus but also strive to grow deeper with Him as well. Even as I type all of this out, I was faced with yet another challange. All of the things I just described to you about safety, adventure, calmness, honesty, being real, and learning are all the things I love about my relationship with Jesus but I hope one day, I can learn to feel these same things with my future husband. If you really knew me, you would know I have a hard time trusting men. It has gotten a lot better, but just because I trust a man doesn't always mean I feel 100% safe with Him. I pray that one day I meet a man who can provide a safety net to be adventurous. Someone who will teach me, challenge me, laugh with me, hold me when I'm scared, and say, "hey this looks like a great spot to explore, let's check it out". A man that when I look at him, I don't see just a man, but I see Jesus through him and the way he loves me. I pray that when the day comes to say "I do" to my husband, I can hand him my heart and know I'm still resting in the safety of our God. Until that day however, I will keep my heart rested in Jesus knowing that it is safe and being purified more and more every day. There you have it. I love Jesus. :) I'm thankful that He loves me despite my shortcomings. And I'm so thankful that I can confidently say I know a place where I am safe, I am loved, I can trust, and I can forgive. You too can have this if only you ask Jesus to help you. He is waiting for you to call out to Him and ready to love on you just the way you need it!