The title of this post is something that has wrecked my heart from the first time I heard it. I was a mere 21 years old, living in a new place, new friends around me, new family in my life. I was introduced to one family, the Higgins and was given a book, "I Would Die for You", to read about their son BJ. This book was about a boy who was so passionate about Jesus he laid down his life so others could know about Jesus. He used his last breaths to make sure his nurse knew her Creator. He contracted a disease and ended up dying at the young age of 15. Now, I don't like reading. But as I laid in bed in a new place, new home, I was so captivated by the words on the page I just couldn't put the book down. I remember reading this line, "Will you answer the call and get uncomfortable for Christ?" and thinking, uncomfortable really isn't a fun place to be. I had just moved from Wisconsin to Oklahoma and so many days I felt so uncomfortable and weird and out of place that I really didn't want to be even more uncomfortable. But something stirred in my heart and I silently told God, yes. My view of the world, my world, was completely flipped upside down and inside out. I always had a heart for helping people but I started to see a bigger picture. I started to see the possibilities of missions overseas. I started to see God's greater plan for my life.
Here we are, some 6 years later living out this very question. The past few months I've repeated this question over and over in my head. I have thought about this word, uncomfortable a lot. This has been the biggest lesson God has been teaching me lately and you know what I've learned? Being uncomfortable is the BEST place we can be with Jesus. It is in the moments where we feel awkward and uncomfortable that God gives us strength and words. It is in those moments I feel most uncomfortable, mostly because of my weaknesses or inadequacies, that I see God moving the most. It is in those moments where I simply say, "God I have nothing to bring to the table but my obedience" that He is most glorified. Living in a state of constant uncomfortability (yes I just made that up :) ) has been a challenge but it has been so rewarding. I'm reminded of the scripture from
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
There have been times where I constantly feel like I am doing everything left-handed. (Yes, I am right-handed) I feel in a constant state of vulnerability and sometimes awkwardness. Yet, there has been this indescribable peace. I have felt the presence of God even more than ever before. I felt the touch of God's Spirit like never before. I have felt the freedom of walking by faith. I have experienced a heart completely captivated by my Beloved. Being uncomfortable has become my new norm.
One example of this has been with leading worship. I have never in my life thought, one day, I want to lead worship. I enjoy singing and I love music but I never thought I would lead worship. When I moved to Latvia, within the first few months I got really tired of worshiping to an iPod or computer. I decided I wanted to learn to play the guitar so I could worship Jesus through playing a guitar. I prayed and within about 4 hours of this, one of my students said, I have a guitar, maybe you want to borrow it. Prayer answered, that was pretty cool. :) So I started plucking away at the strings, trying to make sense of the musical world. I was in choir in high school and show choir and mostly I learned by listening. I could match a pitch but I couldn't really read music. So learning to play the guitar has been a challenge sometimes because I don't know music theory all the well. Anyway, within the first year of trying to figure out the guitar on my own with Jesus, I was faced with the most uncomfortable situation yet. I had to lead worship at Connected or we wouldn't have any worship time. Oh yea, the same night I had to teach as well. I felt overwhelmed. I don't think I slept much that week because if I wasn't preparing my lesson, I was practicing the songs for that night. Not to mention I didn't really know many Latvian songs yet because I mostly played English songs. I went into the Friday night feeling the most uncomfortable I have felt in a long time. To be honest, it was terrible. I fumbled through the songs, I played the wrong rhythms, I was in weird keys. I felt very humbled in that moment. But one of my dear friends encouraged me. She said, "Alesha, it is not about how well you did or how correct you did it. The only thing that matters in that moment is your heart. You were obedient. You answered a need and God was pleased" I still was hard on myself but I was reminded of what worship really is and what life really is about. Life is about having a humble obedient heart even in moments of being uncomfortable. I have lead worship again since then and I'm still not the best, but I've come to realize that God uses those moments I'm uncomfortable as long as I keep my heart humble and obedient before Him.
Six years ago when I read this question, "Will you answer the call and get uncomfortable for Christ?" I had no idea the journey this call would take me on. Being uncomfortable for Christ and knowing He is with me every step, has been the greatest answer I've ever given to anyone. So I challenge you. Are you feeling like you are ready to get uncomfortable for Christ? I promise you 2 things. 1. It will hurt and Jesus will shake your very core but then there is the second thing. 2. I promise you, it will be the best choice you ever made in your life! As you get uncomfortable, in a place of vulnerability, you allow God to work even more in you and through you!
