A year of learning..

One of my friends asked me the other day, are you ready to stay another year or do you wish you were going home? I thought for about 2 seconds and then smiled and replied, "this is home". Can you believe a year has come to pass?! I can't! It seems only a few short months ago I was on the plane thinking about what this year would hold. I remember like it was just yesterday we had our first Connected meeting and the people I was looking at were mere strangers. It seems like just yesterday I hugged my church family and cried tears mixed with joy and sadness. It seems like just yesterday I spent time with my "family" here and we didn't even know what to say to each other. It seems like just yesterday everything was so unknown. But on the other hand, it seems like forever ago that I've been able to feel the embrace of my church family. It seems like forever that I have known those dearest to me here in Latvia. It seems people like Lana, Abits, Kripats, Valti, Ance, and Zanite have known me for a lifetime! They have become my family and people I couldn't imagine living my life without. In this past year there have been many ups and many downs. There have been tears of joy and many tears of sorrow. There have been moments of loneliness and moments of feeling loved by family. There have been moments that have defined my relationships, not only with people but with The Lord as well. This past year has been the year thus far in my life that has taught me the most. This past year was a year that challenged me more than ever before. This year has been a year where I've cried out to The Lord more than any other. This past year has been a year of finding even more my identity in Christ. This past year has been one I'll never forget. I traveled to 4 other countries, saw 2 of my closest friends get married, 3 students baptized, attended 4 camps, 2 conferences, and had many Skype dates. I learned to play guitar and the cajon and even taught some guitar. I've made new friends, even some of the best. I've seen and come to understand God's grace a little more and his constant pursuit. A year that has changed my life! I've been thinking about this post for some time. How do you put into words 365 days, 8,760 hours, 525,600 minutes? How do you capture the memories on my heart? How do you describe the embrace of someone who has become so dear to you after the hardest struggle? How do you depict the glory of God as one of your students has sincerely decided to follow Jesus? How do you paint the picture for your supporters to see that their faithfulness in giving and praying has not been void? I can only offer a few stories from my heart and pray that as you've been following along this past year, God has shown you how great and majestic He is! First, lets start with Connected. Wow! God has done incredible things in this group of young men and women! A group that started off with separate cliques and divisions among them has become a family. A group that would only spend time together on Fridays during Connected is now spending at least 3 days a week together! A group that was so shallow in their faith a few short months ago, God has grown and molded them into leaders. A group that was shy, quiet, and not very interactive is now the exact opposite. A group that has seen how God can change lives and offer freedom! A group that I know and believe God has a special and unquie plan! A group that when they stick together, will change not only this city, but also Latvia! Every prayer you have prayed for these young people has been felt! Every time you went before the throne of grace, God has been faithful to respond. Of course, we could all use more prayer and we still have students who are choosing to run away from God, but this group is changed. This group is different and your prayers have played a part in that. Please, keep praying. Keep supporting. Come visit! Come see God at work for yourselves! We would love to have you! :) Now let's get a bit more personal. I'm not going to lie and say everything has been the easiest and the most fun I've ever had in my life. There were moments I questioned, "God, why am I here?" There were moments I thought I couldn't continue here because I felt so alone. With all new changes, even the basic things and needs were difficult through language. I had moments of complete brokenness before The Lord. I couldn't remember who I was. There were moments I felt I lost my identity. So many people would say, "oh you're that missionary" or "oh you're so holy and righteous" or even "you're so brave, you're my hero". I started to get lost in these thoughts. Then when I would stumble and fall, I felt lower than dirt. I felt my identity was gone. My pride had grown inside of me and just like scripture says, I fell. I would say, around May, I started to pray and ask God to speak my identity into me again. I asked him to please do whatever necessary to speak truth to my heart. At times I asked God, "are you listening? Do you hear me?" I felt so empty and so broken. Then we had our youth camp, Reconnect. The last night I had the unexpected opportunity to share my testimony. I prayed a quick prayer before speaking and said, "God I'm empty, but you are not, so speak your story, not mine." God had me share the most intimate moment I've ever had with him. A moment where He spoke truth, identity, value, peace, comfort, salvation, redemption, and love into my life. As I said these words out loud again, it was hard to hold back the tears. In that moment of sharing those words, I felt God speaking to me. "My child, my beloved, are you listening? Do you hear me? I still feel this same way about you!" I was overwhelmed by Gods peace! In the following month (August) I felt my identity coming back, but I still felt so alone. I felt like God was still distant to my heart. We just recently had History Makers Camp. I went to this camp feeling strange. I could feel God was trying to speak to me but it was a quiet, quiet whisper. It was also strange for me to be in a place where all my family was serving and I was to be there. Be a camper and not a worker. I honestly didn't know what to do with myself. During one service, I felt God clearly speak to me about many things. One being my identity. I heard him say, come my child. Rest in me. Stop and rest. Wait for me. Quit moving and just be still. As I did that, as I waited in his presence I felt a new confidence surround me. A new and refreshed sense of my identity. As I sat there, humbled myself before a Holy God I felt Him whisper, "do you know who you are? Don't you know, you are MINE!" Yes Jesus I know it! I believe it! I am Yours!!! I stood and sang with all my heart! I am His! I belong to Jesus! My identity is not that I'm a missionary. My identity is not that I live in Kuldiga, Latvia. My identity is not that I'm a youth leader or that I'm good. My identity IS that I belong to Jesus! I am His! :D joy overwhelms me even as I type this! Hallelujah! God is good! All praise and glory to Him who is worthy! I could write forever but maybe you don't want to read it all. :) so we'll end with this. What next? What to expect in the next year of serving in Latvia. This is what I can tell you. I expect God to do a mighty work! Not only in me but also in these young people. We can expect that I will walk confidently in Jesus knowing He is worth every sacrifice and suffering. We can expect that the enemy will try to attack again on my identity, but my God is greater! You can expect that God will do amazing things! It is also God's plan that I will be the main youth leader this year. We will go before the church on September 15 and announce to the rest of the church and pray for the upcoming year. In many ways I feel inadequate to lead this group of growing young people but I believe God knows what he is doing and he IS equipped to teach them, even through my weaknesses. I have peace that this is what God wants to happen. You can expect great things from a great God! Thank you for your continued prayers and support! It means more than words can express! Your prayers, your support, your encouragement play a huge part in keeping me here! Without you to believe in me and believe in what God is doing here, these stories and memories would not be possible! Thank you, thank you very much and your reward in heaven will be great! Love you all! Many blessings! Jesus loves you! :)